|Reviews for Secrets of the Enigmatic Smiler|
| WWII Historian chapter 2 . 2/3/2012
I'll have to be honest, I'm getting Mary Sue warning bells ringing in my head when dealing with your OC Rafa. I personally have issues with OC characters that are made as love interests for the jerkass character like Seto Kaiba and are the only people who affect them urk me. I also can't invest into her character (as of now) nor in the story due to how its all over the place. Rafa also seems to hit in a similar area that my early OCs fell in, being dull and uninteresting that even when you get her character rolling in later chapters, I'm still not going to care about her.
I'm sure that I'm just jumping on my assumptions on what I think the direction your story will reach as is, but I can't ignore the warning signs that are appearing before me. So, I'll leave the story alone and let you work on it as you see fit with its plot.
| Rainstar chapter 1 . 9/22/2011
Lol! Do I detect a subtle RafaxKaiba pairing? I'm sure that's not what you're planning of course but there's no reason why the other characters can't tease him a little, right?
I agree with Fated-Shadows. It's a very nice start. Just watch the grammar ;) Maybe you can get Adam to proofread each chapter for you? Just a thought.
| Fated-Shadows chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
Hey! It's Puzzle from TS. )
I think you've definitely got an interesting premise going on. (I also really like the title you chose.) I quite liked Seto and Mokuba's bit; it was funny to see him be bossed around by his younger brother, but I thought it was cute. It added a more human element to them. Rafa is interesting and definitely seems like someone worth hearing more about. (Unlike a lot of OCs.)
I did notice a lot of little awkward word-usages or mistakes. (Like using "suppose" instead of "supposed" or "a level a level seven duelist") All minor stuff, but it does stick out. Also, calling her Rafa before she tells Kaiba her name was a little jarring, since I'd assumed the story was third-person limited to Kaiba, but then suddenly it switched to omniscient. And I feel like the scream at the very end, (which I thought was a great way to end a chapter, BTW. It really adds to the urgency.) would read better if, instead of being all in caps, was written normally and italicized instead.
All in all, I think this looks good! Just really carefully watch your wording/grammar and I think you've got the beginning of a pretty exciting mystery set up. )
| Arianavampirequeen chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
I lik ur stray phenix. Hank u 4 revoowing my story. Im gald dat u tock te tim ot of ur busy day to revoh meh becoz it was vray god of yoh. I hop u rit mor sturies becuz ur veri god ok? :-)
| Kioyuki Oniga chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
This is a very good start, I'm not sure how old Kaiba's meant to be by the time of Battle City but I always pegged him at around 18-19 since he's meant to be a few years older than Yugi and Yugi's nearly at the end of high school. It's definitley got some potential and I'd like to read more, my one complaint is there seems to be very little explanation for what anyone's motivations but by the next chapter I guess that'll be covered, keep up the good work irregardless of what people say toherwise
| rockof90 chapter 1 . 11/25/2010
This version is much better than the last one. It's more believable for Kaiba to be hanging out in a book store than a club. Also I think you've got a troll on your hands. Sex scene? Stalinism? What the hell is he/she talking about? Did we read the same fic? Cuz I don't recall seeing those things in there, and I read it just two seconds ago. Anyway keep up the good work.
| Roland L Keissinger chapter 1 . 11/25/2010
Uhm... sorry, but this was THE worst story I've ever read. The plot was pointless, the sex scene immature, not to mention your loathsome slaughter of the English language. And why the hell would you promote Stalinism in a Yu-Gi-Oh!-fanfic? Also, what the bloody hell was it with those comments on the scourge of pedophilia in American schools? You're truly messed up, Phoenixgal.
Roland Leon Keissinger (aka Nanna)