|Reviews for Black Bird|
| Yaoi-Mayer chapter 3 . 9/7/2012
As I already said, this was really interesting. I know nothing about beyblade whatsoever but I still got the feeling I understand these bitbeasts and how it works and such. Very interesting indeed. Also, I think it's awesome you have gotten some history into it.
Very very well-written. Deep but not too deep, yet still managing to stir emotions in me.
I don't really know what else to say or describe why I find it interesting and it really bothers me... But I can honestly say I liked reading it!
| Kiray Himawari chapter 3 . 1/10/2012
Hi, I really want to say a lot of thinks about this story, but my English is not enough, so I can only say I really love it and that this could be (probably) the origins of the "evil" or "bad feeling against someone".
Thanks for the story )
| Jecki chapter 3 . 4/15/2011
gosh if this isnt the oficial history of black dranzer it should be :O
so therefore (with the limited and somewhat unoficial - but lets go along with it- power that is invested in me): i proclaim that this is amazing and is worthy of being black dranzers story :)
| StackerWlf chapter 3 . 1/21/2011
I originally found you through the story Bound to Change and since I liked that story I looked at your author profile and found this. I love this story so much that I made a copy of it offline to read whenever I can. No one ever seems to contemplate the reason why Black Dranzer wanted to destroy the world or even that it might have once been good. There are also precious few stories about the bit-beasts themselves and how they view the world. It has been a long time since I have seen any of the beyblade episodes but this story has made me want to see them again if only to see Black Dranzer. I also like how you used historical figures in this short story and your short exploration of the world when bit-beasts were spirits of nature and not the weapons of both war and peace they are in the series. Keep up the good work and I will be putting you on author alert so I can see what else you come up with.
| Gud chapter 3 . 12/20/2010
(Immediately, I began attacking my surroundings, but without coming out of the blade. Things – other blades – began swarming around me, all of them wanting to kill me. I saw it as a battle. For that reason, I could not lose.) Det var godt, at du understregede ‘could not’ med både kursiv og fed. Det med at Blackie ikke vil tabe er vigtigt for kappet, og du viser det tydeligt på den måde.
(The purple-haired man let me lie there for very long, as if fearing I would kill more of his men if that was what I wanted to. And that was what I wanted to.) Det ville lyde godt og bedre hvis du understregede sidste sætning med ‘and that was exactly what I wanted to’
(But the same day, the weak boy visited us again in our training. It was an unpleasant experience, since I wanted to play more with the boy. But the blessed boy did something I never had expected, and that thrilled me more than anything.) Har lagt mærke til at du er meget glad for at sætte ‘but’ ind alle mulige steder i starten af sætninger, uden at det egentlig er nødvendigt xD Orker ikke at lede efter flere eksempler..
(I wished, somehow, somwhere, to be like that. To be able to love, and live, and believe and trust others. I wanted that, but could not that.) Så vidt jeg husker kommer der et længere stykke med Blackie, der ønsker at den kan ændre sig.. Eller også er det bare det stykke.. Men det sidste ødelægger lidt det hele. For meget ’that’ puttet ind i samme sætning. Prøv og læs det højt xD
| Gud chapter 1 . 12/10/2010
Jeg synes at måden du skriver på, får Blackie til at virke ung. Jeg tror, det har noget at gøre med, at du somme tider slår over i nutid, hvor den fortæller, at den ved bedre nu end dengang, og også, at den ikke virker så fornuftig. Den er ligeglad med, hvad der er umuligt, når den har sat sig noget for.
Jeg synes, at bitbeastsne (xD *host*) afspejler deres masters personlighed. Er det dem, der minder om deres master, eller deres master, der minder om dem?
De bitbeasts som Blackie ender med at møde, Wolborg, Dranzer, Dragoon o.s.v., er meget frastødt fra den. Jeg kan ikke lade være med at tænke.. Nu når de har levet så længe, er de stadig ikke blevet mindre fordomsfulde? De fleste af dem virker ikke meget opsatte på at hjælpe, og vil allerhelst have, at den bare forsvinder igen, selvom den er ung og stærk, og.. ja, ond. Er de ikke blevet bedre til at give chancer med alderen, eller er Blackie bare for unormal og skræmmende?
(I do not think I fled. I think that I decided to leave because my decision was made. I was not going to be a part of any society, group or anything. No one would have the same view as I upon humans, and they would not let me avenge anything. I had to be alone. It was the only way I could live after my master had left me, and it did not hurt me) Den del minder mig lidt om Kai.
(One of them did not hesitate to get over to me, though. His hair was purple, the eyes crimson, and destiny had decided that the man who imprisoned me had my own darkness grown to fill all of his mind. The plans he formed from my powers came, because I had visited him as a child. I still remember him in particular. Nothing but a peasant, but with a fantasy that would have evolved badly even if I had not helped his evil thoughts. When I left him after following his mind for three weeks, I planted a seed. Oh, destiny always has loved to bug me.) Jeg elsker den måde, det hele giver bagslag på. At blive fanget af en af dem, man selv har forpestet.. Det er meget ironisk. Men jeg synes godt, du kunne have skrevet noget mere om, at Blackie møder Boris som dreng, for det er ret vigtigt for slutningen.
| Gud chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
(I am the strongest bitbeast ever seen, made from two feathers of the two of the most powerful, one the evilest bitbeast, the other one the kindest.) Sætningen ville blive lettere at læse og forstå, hvis du skrev ‘I am the strongest bitbeast ever seen, made from two feathers of the two most powerful bitbeasts, one the evilest, the other one the kindest.’
Starten er ikke så meget i detaljer. Handlingen går meget stærkt, og der sker rigtig mange ting over lang tid, som ikke fylder særlig meget. Der hvor man hører om the holy man og Blackies liv sammen, inden han dør. Du måtte gerne have gået en anelse mere i detaljer der, selvom det der var vigtigst i kappet var mandens død.
(I cannot count the amount of times he died. I cannot decide how many minutes, hours, I tried to get him up. I do not know how many of his nails broke or how much blood came from his fingers and in to the water.) Jeg synes, det var medrivende at læse, for man kan tydeligt fornemme hvordan Blackie kæmper og kæmper til ingen nytte, og alligevel giver den ikke op.
(They took him out of the water, but left me. I continued to lie down on the bottom, my first, and most important battle against someone lost, and the cost had been him.) Jeg ved ikke, om det er hvad du har tænkt, men samtidig med at Blackie har mistet hele sin verden, da Rasputin dør, gør du det også til et ‘problem’, at den har tabt sin første kamp. Og det synes jeg er rigtigt gjort. For når man er så kraftfuld og stærk, som Blackie er, er det svært at tro, at den kan tabe. Og måske har den sat sig for aldrig nogensinde at tabe igen, fordi den er klar over, hvor meget den kan miste.
(And I lied there, burning with him, and though the flames did not harm me, I knew I burned with him. My insides burned, my soul, my mind. I burned, and when we both stopped burning, the only thing left was my body. And as the flames stopped, and when they finally opened the door, I saw two of my master's murderers standing beside the mother of the sick child. Acting as if they were feeling sad for his death, too. And it was then I promised myself I would forever revenge the holy man's death.
I would cause suffering to every man, woman and child near me. It would be my goal in life, and when every human being one day is death and gone, my revenge has been fulfilled!) Slutningen var virkelig god. Du byggede hele stykket op med alle flammerne og smerten Blackie ikke følte, alene med the holy man et øjeblik, og så da den får øje på to af morderne, ved man at der kommer til at ske et eller andet. God, man kunne lave en hel spændingskurve o_o men så kommer det, som man vidste, måtte ske, at den sætter sig et mål i livet.. Eller.. Det er ikke så meget det, at den sætter sig et mål, mere at den sætter sig for at udrydde alle mennesker xD
Btw.. Dine sætninger er ikke så lange længere. Du er blevet meget bedre til at gøre dem kortere! xD