|Reviews for Should Have, Would Have, Could Have|
| deactivated82940 chapter 1 . 12/17/2010
Your first line is gripping. This is a very interesting AU, and I think Malik dying would be one of Rishid's worst nightmares, so kudos to you for the idea!
Though, honestly, I wasn't convinced by his grief for the most part. I don't think he'd have an outburst like that; Rishid is much too stoic and centered. You'd have to do a lot of convincing in order to have screaming!Rishid feel in character, and that didn't happen here.
But! I did like the xeno to it, and how Ishizu is clearly important in his life, even as Malik was gone. The ending was lovely, all the more because you don't outright say how he loves her, but let it speak through his actions.
| safa'at keruth chapter 1 . 12/1/2010
The concept of Malik dying is quite interesting - it certainly makes for a very captivating AU. Rishid's guilt was well-written and real, and his characterization was good except for the parts where he's 'screaming' at Ishizu and being unreasonable - although being unreasonable in his grief is fine, I think that Rishid's too accustomed to keeping his feelings hidden to do anything but let everything stew inside him. I'm not quite sure what the breaking point would be, though, or if there would ever be a breaking point...
Your take on the dispersing of the tomb-keepers was also new - usually people write them as concentrated into the Ishtars' underground home, but the series wasn't too clear about it, and it's cool to see some different interpretations!
Your grammar and spelling were pretty good, except for a few errors here and there - for example, "It was that man who begat all of this suffering" should be "It was that man who had begun all of this suffering," etc. But overall, good job! And good luck this round! :D
| Doubleplusgoodduckspeaker chapter 1 . 12/1/2010
You're doing Nano too? That's so exciting, I hope you're enjoying all of the writing! :)
At first I wasn't too sure about Rishid being so 'loud' and emotional, but you convinced me, I really did find myself caught up in the story that you told and followed it through to the end! It was very dramatic and sticks out to me amongst the multitude of Xenoshippings! Also, Marik dying in the beginning is a pretty attention-grabbing opener. :) So good job, this was a really nice read!
| yllimilly chapter 1 . 11/28/2010
Wow. This was beautiful. "You won't be alone." She lowered her hand. "You still have a place in this world, Rishid." Very understated and elegant. I really enjoyed reading this.
| Animom chapter 1 . 11/28/2010
Wow, what a unique perspective. I think you've done an excellent job making Rishid feel in-character in this AR – he'd certainly be eaten up with guilt under those circumstances.
| Shizuku Tsukishima749 chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
This is awesome! Rock on! Gosh...really, what if Marik HAD died...? He really could have so easily... The grief, anger, raw emotion... *U* Rock on! This is GORGEOUS! *U*
| My Misguided Fairytale chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
Aw, I thought this was great! D I thought your overall premise was great - this all seems like a very realistic reaction to Marik's death, and while the story was short you packed a lot of meaning and significance into the words you used. I love the recurring themes and your title tie-in - it was very effective and a great means of exploring these two characters. The writing was great, overall, and while the Xenoshipping was more family-oriented I thought it fit the theme and tone of the piece very well.
Only one typo I could find: "...who knew anything about his was his servent" - did you mean to say, "...about this was his servant," instead?
I also love your ending lines - the image of the torches burning out is great, and I only wish your story was longer so I could read more of it! You should challenge yourself to write longer stories in the future - your past couple entries have been about the same length or shorter, and I'd love to read some longer pieces from you! D I really enjoyed reading this! Keep up the great work! D
Jess (My Misguided Fairytale)
| deathnoteuser07 chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
u will revive marik, right? cuz he's my second favorite character & i don't want him dead :( good story tho )