|Reviews for Pokemon: A New Adventure Unfolds|
| Species Unknown chapter 8 . 6/22/2012
flatterer. CONTINUE TIMES 9000!
| o The JUICE o chapter 8 . 6/1/2011
Great story so far man! The characters and battles are great and I can't wait to see what happens next!
| awesomeness-rocks chapter 8 . 4/8/2011
Great story but try to make the jim battles closer like by one attack. Alao can togipi evolve and will he catch more pokemon.
| AVP5 chapter 8 . 4/4/2011
Nice chapter i like the battles they are good update when you can please.
| Ninapalla22 chapter 1 . 1/5/2011
This was awesome!... you have an awesome gift, I can never be this creative with words.
I can't wait to read more..
KEEP on going.
| Echoes of a Dream chapter 7 . 12/31/2010
Well, I hope you're still working on this story. Considering the length of the chapters I can understand the delay, and so I'm pretty hopeful you are still working on this.
Now, the story itself is really good. The action scenes turn out well, which is always pleasent to see in new writers, and though the plot is simplistic it's very enjoyable. The real hook for me though is Alex's relationship with his pokemon. I'm a sucker for friendship and family.
The one negative thing that comes to mind, however, is the lack of description for the main characters. We know virtually nothing of what they look like, aside from Ben's hair, and this is a problem should be rectified in the future. It may not be needed to make a story good, but it is an important detail.
At any rate, I've enjoyed this so far, and I'm looking forward to more.
| Penny Smiles chapter 7 . 12/19/2010
There is not enough interaction between Alex and Melodey. You also had catargirized (misspelled) as a romance fic. I belive it would have been Melodey and Alex but I am not certain anymore. You need to slow down on the adventuring and focus on the inner emotions and feelings of the characters while progressing through the story. That's what most people want anyway, I think theist strategy will get you a lot more reviews as fanfic geeks (not me, I have a life) like mushy stuff. Just sayin
P. 's the longer review I have written to someone in my ENTIRE LIFE!
| Kobic chapter 1 . 12/19/2010
I couldn't help but smile when reading this. Personally I think the purpose of writing is to invoke emotions into its readers and thats just what this did. Anyway so far I give the story 8/10, and the writing 7/10. I hope you keep writing stories. Good luck!
| Penny Smiles chapter 1 . 12/18/2010
I like how you use a child and a ralts instead if a freagin 15 year old and a 3 year ralts. How old are both anyway?
| ToucanMan chapter 2 . 12/3/2010
Great story so far... Can't wait to see where this goes.
| Alphinia chapter 1 . 12/3/2010
Hmmm... The biggest grammatical error I noticed was your dialogue. Here are some examples, taken directly from your story:
["Hey guys, good to see yall again" Matt said with a smile.]
You can make this, and many other sentences in your story, correct if you add a comma after again. Being rather experianced with the southern slang, I'm also pretty sure yall is written as y'all ;)
You've added punctuation in this one, but it's still incorrect:
["Alright alright, we're coming." Matt said as he put his nephews down.]
If any for of said follows the dialogue, then you should end it with a comma. However, if a direct action takes place after the dialogue, then you use a period. I'm sorry if that's hard to understand, it might help more if you simply look up the rules for dialogue.
I'm also not sure if this was simply a typo or spelling error, but I noticed that you had 'Oh' as 'O' at once point. Ok, now I'm going to move on to what actually happened in the story.
It wasn't bad, but not quite spectacular either. It needs alot more detail, and there was some pointless dialogue. While some pointless dialogue can actually be quite entertaining and useful for character development, it can just as easily become incredibly boring, so watch out for that.
... I don't guess I need to point out that saving Ralts isn't the most original plot, but I don't guess it's neccessarily a bad one. However, I would like to say that the scene with Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy was bit to similar to the anime. Oh well.
I really like the part about Alex's friend being attacked by a Seviper. It should be interesting character development for him and Ralts to have to eventually overcome that fear. Overall, the first chapter is ok for a firsit story :)