|Reviews for Adventure on the Venture|
| LadyOfGlass chapter 1 . 1/4/2012
I really like this story! You've got all the canon characters done perfectly. I can't wait to read more :)
| KenzieMars chapter 9 . 10/8/2011
YAY! I still love this story! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO
| Till-Owlyglass chapter 7 . 7/13/2011
That hug was sweet! Really sweet! In fact, so sweet that I think I may need to take a trip to the dentist! lol
Cyril and Lumpy teasing Jimmy over his crush was pretty funny. I'm glad that you slipped in the part about Jimmy's kleptomania.
| Till-Owlyglass chapter 6 . 7/13/2011
The paragraph that started with: "Jimmy held Elizabeth's gaze evenly..." was a really beautiful piece of writing! Very touching!
| Till-Owlyglass chapter 5 . 7/13/2011
Cyril is sweet! I hope to see more of him in future chapters. I think you need to start to develop Elizabeth and Jimmy's relationship more, at the moment they just hate eachother - there needs to be a reason why.
| Till-Owlyglass chapter 4 . 7/13/2011
Aw! Why is Elizabeth being so mean to Jimmy? It's nice to see her interacting with Jack, I also want to see her interacting with the other characters - especially her father.
| Till-Owlyglass chapter 3 . 7/13/2011
Aww! It's so cute that Elizabeth and Jimmy are getting to know eachother!
One little piece of con-crit, often you arrange speech like this:
"I'm fine," Elizabeth answered.
"Just cold is all." Truth was of course, she felt it to be stifling in the hold.
This can be a little awkward as the reader might get confused as to who is saying what. The correct way is like this:
"I'm fine," Elizabeth answered, "Just cold is all." Truth was of course, she felt it to be stifling in the hold.
| Till-Owlyglass chapter 2 . 7/13/2011
Oh God, Jimmy is making me laugh already! You captured his personality perfectly!
| Till-Owlyglass chapter 1 . 7/13/2011
I'm liking this story a lot so far! You have a wonderfully descriptive writing style, I could really picture the docks and the ship. I also have a good idea of Elizabeth's mother's personality and her relationship with her daughter.
A few things I picked up upon:
- If Elizabeth's father is Hayes then wouldn't she be black? You mentioned that she had golden hair.
- A few times your writing jumped between first person and third person.
- In the first paragraph, when you were talking about the resentment growing like a flower in her heart, you wrote 'it's' several times, this is an abbreviated way of writing 'it is', in future leave out the apostrophe.
- When Jimmy asks why she is there, you mention straight after that Elizabeth could tell by the tone of his voice that he didn't want to talk to her. Why would he bother asking if he didn't want to talk?
| VirgoLuego chapter 8 . 6/29/2011
| Kinkajous17 chapter 7 . 5/12/2011
This is so good, please keep it up!
| QuietPoetic chapter 7 . 5/6/2011
I loved this chapter, actually i really like how this story is progressing. i do hope tha you update soon :) I 3 Jamie bell :)))
| MyMyMaia chapter 7 . 4/26/2011
Aww how sweet was that hugging scene? I think that you wrote it well and some people may not find it terribly realistic but when I first went out with my current boyfriend I kinda just went for it too :). Haha I'm so glad you updated this story! I've been waiting and I went through a period where I just wouldn't comment, but I'm out of that and I love the story so far!
| kenzieMarz chapter 7 . 4/26/2011
OMG! i love you! u got my name right :) sometimes i forget how to spell it :) anyway, i went and raided my uncles fridge and ate a couple of cookies! i love u! update! sorry if this sounds weird...
I LOVE U!
| R i v e r B l e u chapter 7 . 4/26/2011
Awwwwwwwwww! That last part made me blush, and the last line made me 'Awwwwww!' XD *hears something falling* Whaaaat...? *sees shower of cookies* OH MY GOD! AHHHHHH! *grabs bucket* Yay! Cookies! OMNOMNOM! As I was reading I was scared for Elizabeth! I thought Jimmy would shut her out after he caught her eavesdropping but was reaction was just made me go O-O Gah! What kind of complications will the hug lead to? O.o And should we ((the readers)) be afraid of that light bulb over your head? *backs away slowly* O.o