|Reviews for The Awkward Dance|
| Drake Zeppeli chapter 1 . 7/25/2013
The whole story is wonderful all throughout. You seem to get these two well-played and in-character. The epilogue is fantastic as well.
Nothing to criticize. Keep up the good work.
Moderator of Pen to Paper
| tilinelson2 chapter 8 . 1/21/2011
Though your fanfiction is about the non-canon Phantasy Star topic I dislike most, it is yet well-written. You add some poetry to the scenes that make the past Alys X Rune relationship less bland than it is usually portrayed by fans.
Alys and Rune till Alys death are two very silly characters in the game. If, with your fanfic, you made me see them under a better light, that means you fanfic really works.
| ByeAccount chapter 5 . 12/27/2010
Your take on such important events in the game is very rushed, and yet you heavily rely on the game's character dialogue with few of your own creative conversational additions. If you borrow dialogue from the game, you should give credit to the game in a disclaimer.
I did like your epilogue, however... and I found it to be the best part of your story.
| ByeAccount chapter 2 . 12/5/2010
I only made it through chapter two thus far, so I am only reviewing those chapters as follows:
It's refreshing to read some fanfiction for PSIV and, especially, fanfiction concerning Alys and Rune. I do like your characterization of both. But your illustrated sex scene was certainly awkward to read (as your title implies) so you nailed that, but... it was also comical and a bit OOC. For Rune to make a statement such as, "Like what you see?" and have Alys reply, "Oh, I doubt you've heard many complaints before" had me laughing. I can't ever, ever imagine Rune - arrogant as he is - making a comment like that, nor can I imagine Alys, with all her blushing in the game, say something like that in reply. I imagine their relationship and courtship to be more intimate rather than gratuitous.
My criticisms aside, though, I'm interested in reading more, and will finish reading your story.
| Vicious Pink chapter 2 . 12/3/2010
I've read the first two chapters and wanted to review them before I read the rest.
So far this is an excellent look at Alys's solo career, and you've done quite well keeping her in-character, though I -really- like the way you've written Rune. His calm-but-impish behavior (I can't think of a better way to describe it) just suits him to a T.
The lovemaking is really well-written. It fits the characters, who are older and probably no strangers to "the dance," so it's only natural that the initial awkwardness of who will make the first move would quickly resolve and lead to exactly the way you wrote that course of actions. (How many times did I avoid using the word SEX in that sentence? Hehe.)
Looking forward to reading the rest!
| Black Sword chapter 8 . 12/3/2010
The chapter two scene was tastefully done, so my compliments.
Through a fluke of timing, the music I was listening to brought out the depth of despair to Alys' fever dreams, which enhanced the poignancy and tragedy of the end of that chapter. The epilogue was perfect.
The emotions present were also quite well-done.