|Reviews for The Official List of Unofficial Rules|
| Aardvark123 chapter 8 . 3/30
These are really amusing and well-written, with a surprising ring of truth to many.
| esp chapter 83 . 3/28
More rule ideas:
1. Stop covering the Captains chair in tin foil even if he shouldn't have made that joke about Spock being made of tin
2. Stop gift wrapping peoples work stations
3. Everyone thinks it's funny when a crew member wakes up to find they've been restrained to their bed with saran wrap until it happens to them
4. Whoever reprogrammed the replicators to spew marshmallow sauce at anyone who walks by is assigned to gamma shift
5. Enough with the roller blading in the corridors
5a. And the skate boarding
5b. And riding the scooters
5c. So my bike is still okay right
6. The conference room does have recording devices if you know why we are telling you this then don't give us a reason to tell you again
7. Do not prank anyone you think is psychic
7a. What are they going to do see it coming?
7b. Yes and we're getting sick of the way it backfires on the rest of the crew when they do
8. We don't care how bored stop bouncing off the walls.
8a. It's just an expression
8b. No I was referring to that experiment with the anti-gravs that landed half the people in engineering at the time in sickbay
8c. Wait a minute they got that to work?
8d. You mean you were in on it?
8e. rule 77a
9. Yes that picture that was obviously photo shopped of the Captain in a Tutu was funny but please take it down
9a. Hey I didn't photo shop that...I mean forget I said anything
9b. Rule 77a and we know it wasn't photo shopped...unless the Captain asks
10. If you are going to start a betting pool then don't call headquarters and ask if they'd like to place a bet
| Magi chapter 23 . 3/23
!. No more Flappy Bird on the bridge
b. or medbay
c. or science labs
d. or engineering
e. or just anywhere guys
f. except your quarters, thats fine
2. "but i was playing flappy bird" is not an accpetable excuse
3. WE DO NOT WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN! NO ONE WANTS TO BUILD A SNOWMAN! WE ARE IN SPACE! STOP SINGING THAT SONG!
4. Also stop singing Let it Go. its getting really annoying and Spock seems to have a problem with it.
5. Just in general stop singing songs from Frozen please
6. Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore
| esp chapter 83 . 3/4
The rules should never go more than a week without an update really should be made into a rule but since I know it wouldn't be followed here are some rule ideas that make more sense:
1. Contrary to popular belief Vulcans are capable of lying even though they rarely do
1a. While you can trust that the odds are very low any Vulcan is lying to you the odds that they exaggerating, implying, telling half truths, and generally holding back and failing to volunteer information is much higher
2. No more building training rooms or equipment based on the hunger games (no matter how well they work and how useful they happen to be for the crew to train in)
3. Until you've seen evidence to the contrary always assume that every Vulcan you come in contact with has no idea what sarcasm is and won't get it when you use it
| BlazeStryker chapter 83 . 3/3
I suspect 1680 should have been Rule #1...
) The ship does not run on Eridium, and none of the female Vulcans are Sirens.
) Building a personal cloaking field, while awesome, is violation of Federation treaty.
-A) quoting haiku while taking the shot under said cloak is a good way to wind up at the Daystrom Institute.
) This is the Enterprise. The Heavy made good music, but this *is* a place for a hero. Just saying.
) Dual-wielding and being all aggressive about it just encourages the Klingons, so knock it off!
| Starship T.A.R.D.I.S chapter 83 . 2/27
Here's some random rules that I came up with:
Putting a sheet over the main viewscreen and claiming that it is "whiteout conditions and not safe to drive" does not work. We've tried.
No jokes about evil twins around Mr. Spock. He doesn't get them.
Quit using the ship-wide loudspeaker system to play rock music during Gamma Shift. Some of us are trying to SLEEP!
a. And what does the fox say.
b. And don't hug me I'm scared.
c. And Miley Cyrus
d. And Justin Beiber.
e. Actually, just don't play music over the loudspeakers during gamma shift...NOT EVERYBODY IS AWAKE
Whoever changed the temperature in Cargo Bay 3 so they could build an ice palace like the one in that ice movie is going to be VERY SORRY when Scotty finds out.
Star Wars vs Star Trek debates with Klingons are to be stopped immediately. Doctor McCoy is already refusing to treat people.
The next person to tell Checkov that a ghost of a dead redshirt is haunting his room is going to regret it.
| DragonsRme chapter 83 . 2/26
Oh gosh I had forgotten how much I love these. Unfortunately collage has stolen most of my free time so I fell way way behind. I also see that supernatural is working its way in here :)
Stop whispering Christo at people no one will flinch and its kinda creepy.
Please leave lieutenants Winchester alone and stop leaving salt outside their rooms
Ensign Chekov would like the snow removed from his quarters and would like to tell you it does not make them feel 'homely'
Dr McCoy will not be your grandad he is insulted you would even ask.
Stop blocking people in the corridor with a stick screaming you shall not pass.
Please remove the giant lava lamp from engineering it's very distracting.
Captain Kirk does not need a statue erected in his honour.
Still not a good enough reason to use the word penetrated
| Book girl fan chapter 83 . 2/24
I think the last one is less of a rule and more of a disclaimer, but definitely very necessary.
| madnessdownunder2 chapter 83 . 2/21
hi again! Very nice!
| Vulcanblood chapter 83 . 2/20
1667 OH MY GOD FAVE
| esp chapter 83 . 2/18
I laughed so hard I was chocking, new rule ideas:
1. Never do something so stupid with symbols of old nation states that you manage to get an Chekov to agree with American who has a comparable amount of national pride as a result
1a. Hiding in the quarters of a certain chief engineer after doing that is most likely to result in you wishing he would have just sold you out to the aforementioned American and Russian
2. Stop retuning the Vulcan crew member musical interments when they aren't looking (you don't want to find out why this rule is self correcting)
3. Vulcan crew members, if the music requires a telepathic component to do anything other than result in ear pains and headaches then don't play it where other people can hear you
4. While the walls are dampen most of the sound they are not 100% sound proof
4a. The Vulcan crew members have all confirmed that they are getting way to much information
4b. If you know why you are being informed of these facts then keep it down
5. We don't care if a crew member has seen your aura and thinks it's fine it doesn't excuse you from your physical in sickbay(Captain)
6. The everyone in the betting pool on weather or not anyone can talk, trick, lure, bait, extort, bamboozle, confuse, misinform, or otherwise convince any Vulcan crew member to attend the Valentines Dance should be informed that all the winnings were confiscated by Starfleet
6a. By the way whoever bet on a Vulcan shows up to inform a colleague of a work related matter, interrupting their evening and ruining their date would have been the winner
7. Never hack the sensors just to win a bet
| Magi chapter 83 . 2/18
!. Flappy Bird is not allowed anymore
2. There is no such thing as a snow day in space
3. "But Captain Kirk did it" is not a good excuse for anything
| daniandan-TehWolfyBlake chapter 83 . 2/18
1. Alcohol is not a reliable substitute for hypos
stop referring to Lieutenant Richard Head as "Dick" and "Knob" He is prepared replicate a primaries police taser to taser the next person who calls him that.
3. Please stop referring to Crewman Kock as "Square-head". He is also prepare to replicate some kind of weapon and will attack the next person that calls him that
4a. A thong/flip flop is not an appropriate weapon to attack enemies with
4b. Neither is the bottle of Saurian Brandy you were drinking out of
Lost in Space rules
5a. No, Mr. Scott will not replicate The Robot from the 1960's show Lost in Space
5b. And, no we will not replace the red alert alarm with said The Robot's warning alarm "Warning, Warning (insert danger here)!
6. There is no known crewman called Dr. Zachary Smith, and even if there were, someone that much of maniac and cowardly wouldn't have been allowed to go into Starfleet
| Sonar chapter 83 . 2/17
| Satin Ragdoll chapter 83 . 2/17
Hilarious as always!