Reviews for Persona Non Grata
True-Oblivion chapter 9 . 2/20/2012
I have to admit, this story is BLOODY BRILLIANT! And i have one other thing to say, I cant wait for Lucifer. Nicely done so far mate and keep it going!
DemonRaily chapter 9 . 12/5/2011
The word of the day is empathy, and the first time in the story Logan nailed it. As a person with absurd amounts of that stuff I finally find it a bit(just a bit) easier to sympathize with the character, yet I don't think it will keep ground for long. Theo on other hand went nuts, he seems forgetting that while he is more or less artificial creature that knows no time that they are just kids.

Is it possible that while he sees Henrietta go nuts to save her sister he feels regret that he is not there for his sister while she is trying to free her lover-boy from that doorway(and by doing so possibly end the world), and instead needs to babysit the new teem?

But seriously are they that bad at it that they need babysitting services from netherworld? After all it was their first shadow-pack today instead lone shadows, while all others go nuts all the way with such stats as they are now. Or will he be there till they get a support member?

Anyway, by for now, will meat you in the forums.
RaidEye chapter 8 . 8/25/2011
Well, I won't rant or take up too much of your time.

I love Riri (but have no idea what game they're playing or at least atempting to play.) Yes, "Why so serius?" indeed. That was a nice touch.

Nice introduction of Henrietta's persona.

I think twenty shadows were a tad too many, but that's just my opinion.

Best Regards: RaidEye
Sabaku no Ryu chapter 8 . 8/20/2011
I keep on seeing that Logan isn't relatable at all, but I personally disagree. He's very much acting the way I'd expect from someone who has something like this thrust upon him and isn't quite sure how to relate to people. The fact that it was mentioned in the beginning that he's a sociopath makes all of his actions make perfect sense. (Although he's beginning to see outside himself, which is good character development.) He's an intelligent guy that knows how to manipulate things to go the way he needs to, and when they don't, his reactions are his way of trying to control the situation without having to overtly show his desire to manipulate. Over the course of time, his reactions may become more natural, but, for now, they fit with the character as described in the beginning, while taking into account the steps he has made to truly connect with people.

Meanwhile, I am very much enjoying the story. I especially like the different conversations with his Personas, and your good attention to detail in the fight scenes. My only minor disappointment is that I would love more scene description of REM, of the feelings, the taste in the air, strangeness of decor, things such as that. I know, after a while, it becomes meh when you're playing the game for hours on end, but, when written, it definitely can add that little extra feeling of suspense and anxiety that we tend to lose when the characters are winning. Also on that point, I know that the story is relatively new, but I'm very much hoping for a bit more suspense in the fights, similar to the Grave Beetle and Logan in this chapter.

I am very much looking forward to the next chapter. _ Ja ne!
DemonRaily chapter 8 . 8/19/2011
Now Logan should ask himself, what would have happened if they would went alone instead of taking her.

Well the chapters length was quite satisfactory and Logan did not irritate me quite as much so it is good chapter just for that XD
RaidEye chapter 7 . 7/16/2011
Well, the main problem with this story is the main character: He acts lika an asshole. I can understand it if he's been bullied all his life, but you need to make something like that clear like crystal.

He is also a blank slate; eather doing or not doing whatever people asks of him without much consideration. I think you need to nail down the "Person" in Persona, mate.

Jett isn't much better, he is too over the top instead.

I'm not trying to bash here, mate. I only try to help.

The Personae is fun though:)

Best Regards: RaidEye
DemonRaily chapter 7 . 7/16/2011
Are you making your main character to have no redeeming qualities what so ever on purpose? It is hard to relate to him.

He does not think like a good guy or a bad guy or even a gray morality guy, he do not concern himself with the crazy shit that is pushed onto him, the evokers for example, or the velvet room or anything at all. He pushes awe a potential persona user just because he does not want to think about it. Plus he acts like the king of douchebags while being like he is, and then he thinks that people don't like him because he is 'different'. When I read it I want to hit him and hard...

The girl might as well be attacked and summon her persona with out evoker first, if a dog can tap in that power than she can as well.
Kelly of the midnight dawn chapter 6 . 7/14/2011
Okay, you've earned a place on my favorite stories list you ingenius story. :)

Great job Brave, can't wait for more.

Kelly
DemonRaily chapter 6 . 7/1/2011
I don't know if it was just me or did the main character come a bit to strong at the beginning of the chapter? Well that might be excusable as there was all that self denial involved in it, where he denies the truth that he already knows and his persona is just pointing out.

What I want to actually say is the Fool arcana does not fit Logan at all, as fool is something empty in beginning that is filled in his journey, and Logan is a self absorbed hypocrite that has serious issues and likes to see faults in others rather than himself. Don't take it wrong, I am not criticizing how you write the character itself, because I understand he is supposed to be that way, it is just that he is not empty shell that needs filling but rather disfigured figurine made in cracked form.

But now the mention of the "Original" quite intrigues me, do you mean one of the previous fools, or is the original fool that was supposed to take this mission is gone? Well if Logan is not the one who was supposed to receive the wild card and is the plan B then all I wrote at the beginning of the review would make sense, and believe me I do not make sense that often...

Well you took your sweet time to update, I forgot half the facts in the story so far and believe me I will not re-read it if you are going to update so slow that at next chapter I will need to re-read it again, so update soon.
eggmiester chapter 6 . 7/1/2011
I don't know what IT is, dude...

but you've got IT.

well done! I know you're getting help with some of the characters, but they're all really cool! and the fight scene's are really well- written as well!and not only that, but there's some very good humor in here.

sorry: may seem like I'm only reading it for the first time, but I just read over the whole story again, and IT IS AWESOME.

seriously, this is great! keep up the good work!
DemonRaily chapter 5 . 3/24/2011
How many years after the Persona 4 is it? Or did Izanami just broke Adachi out of jail to put him as shop cleric? On other hand selling the amount of weapons a persona users teem needs to children alone would get him another life sentence... And maybe a sports car?

By the way awesome almost double update.
eggmiester chapter 4 . 3/20/2011
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!

dude, what happened? didja lose inspiration? didja think that no one was reading whe n no one reviewed the last chapter?

because mate, even thouh i won't review every chapter, you can bet on anything that i'll still be readin'. i only ever review when an author has done something really bad, or some thing REALLY good.

of course, if it was a personal reason that made you unable to keep writin',then fair enough: it's your life, and it's not fair to expect to keep writing when you're not able ta.

but anyway, i'm rambling: good chapter, great story, hope the next chapter is soon. loving it dude! keep up the good work!
Despair's Cold Edge chapter 2 . 1/7/2011
MOTHERFUCKER. i was listening to Invaders Must Die while reading this and it just made the thing more mind-blowingly awesome than it already was. you, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar for creating this story. good job.
X-Kray-T chapter 2 . 12/4/2010
Dude, I freakin' love it! Absolute awesome. The fight scene was next to perfect and Logan's conversations with his consiounce were funny as hell. Keep it up,

Kray
RARavary chapter 2 . 12/4/2010
Good job Brave, i enjoyed this one a lot :D
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