|Reviews for Turnabout What?|
| 13DiamondPython13 chapter 10 . 6/21/2014
Aaaah Gumshoe, you old softie. Nobody can beat Gumshoe, for he is the sweetest guy ever.
| 13DiamondPython13 chapter 9 . 6/21/2014
Bam! Shelly de Killer! Wat. But anyway, your story is AWESOME!
| Superjay45 chapter 12 . 9/3/2011
First of all let me say I like the overall story and the characters were portrayed well, true to the games, and your use of foreshadowing was very good.
But I was annoyed with a few things. (PLEASE don't take this any of this as mean, I simply want to help you become a better writer!)
When you change settings you should have a line separating the paragraphs otherwise I think I'm still with one character, then suddenly I get confused when the characters talking abruptly change. You do this in the final chapter after the verdict, that's how it should be done.
Two, we are barely given any background on the case (at least until the final chapter) destroying any bit of suspense for the trial, and instead we as the audience are infinitely more interested in the relationship plot. I think this could be fixed by forcing Phoenix and Maya in the trial, since Phoenix nor Maya really care about Iris' situation you attempt to do this by having De Killer kidnap them. This brings me to my next point.
Three when Phoenix and Maya are kidnapped and then saved just a few sentences later it really kills any sense of urgency the trial may have had, Phoenix and Maya barely comment on their kidnapping, its just another day at the office for them. But I do like Maya professing her love while kidnapped. That was a good idea, I like that.
The police saving them after maybe a hour of being kidnapped... this bothers me to no end. In 2-4 of JFA it takes the police around 2 days to locate Maya, even after so De Killer manages to keep Maya in his possession while being chased.
De Killer's attitude just seems unprofessional in this, it almost seemed like he was shipping NickxMaya so he hatched a plot to get them closer!
Four, why is Iris still in prison? Did I miss something here, because the story seemed to imply that Iris had stayed in prison after 3-5.
Iris may have been an accomplice to murder, but at the end of 3-5 I think it was implied she would be released in a few months.
I'm going to assume that the wife to the OC was Morgan Fey, and maybe Iris was just visiting her mother, that would make sense, so if that's the explanation ignore this.
Five, where does Iris go, and what are her feelings towards the whole NickxMaya love fest? I'll admit I don't much like Iris, I don't read stories about Iris and I feel little sympathy towards her, but at the same time I don't like seeing her being cast off in another direction. Iris is a main part of the third game, she is a major character, One reason why I thought you may have put Iris in this story, Apollo defending her so maybe you wanted to ship PollyxIris? But I didn't see any real hint of that, so Iris' presence seems strange, if it weren't for the family connections the character of Iris could be replaced by anyone.
She is given no background at all, seems shallow, nor do we learn what her character feels about Phoenix and Maya's new found love.
Six, in the first few chapters Phoenix follows Apollo to the crime scene, and the detention center, Apollo may be Phoenix's apprentice, but he never followed Apollo in any of the cases in the game. Maybe Phoenix wanted to help Iris? NO, he shows very little interest when speaking to her, nor does he have any inner monologue explaining who she is, he doesn't concern himself with looking over any evidence in an attempt to help Iris. Phoenix's presence with Apollo while investigating just seems like an excuse to get him away from Maya to infuriate the readers desperately hoping to see their NickxMaya dreams come true.
The only thing the story had going for it is the relationship between Phoenix and Maya, which I expect in a simple fluff story and or
"Our Secret Mission" by risenfromash.
But this story attempted to seem "broad" by incorporating a trial and the Iris love triangle thing, this isn't a bad thing by any means, the execution just needs work. If you want to have a broad story with romance you have to connect the actual plot and the romance, I guess the whole Maya not being ready to propose to Phoenix was the plot, which is a fine story to tell for a fluff story, but the problems comes in with the trial. Take lessons from "Precious Maya" by Blue Deity, this story has a relationship plot and a crime plot and they form well together.
Once again not trying to be mean, just want to help ;)
| Shizuka Ayasato chapter 12 . 4/16/2011
LOL, I just loooooooove Phoenix/Maya. Your fic was awesome!~ -cheers and sets off confetti-
| speed and write chapter 12 . 4/4/2011
I love this chapter! :D Great job on finishing this fic! :D
| Something Simpler chapter 12 . 4/4/2011
Damn that Apollo! Oh, I jest, he's too adorable :D
Anyway, cute ending, nice chapter in general. Nice link back to the Fey family too, and that guy was waaaay creepy, wanting to marry every female he could from that family. Guess he wanted power. Morgan would've been a good wife for him I bet, but he seemed to like them young. (yuk.)
Anyways, like I said, nice link back to that family because everyone knows that they're never short of creepy people or power hungry poeple in that family. There's always trouble a-lurking.
Looking forward to whatever you write next! :D
| Naoko Suki chapter 12 . 4/4/2011
It was a nice ending! And Apollo JUST HAD to ruin the moment! UGH APOLLO! (I don't mind Trucy or Pearls, they've been waiting FOREVER)
Thank you for the story!
| sagitarius chapter 11 . 2/22/2011
A couple few things make no sense whatsoever, but hey, so long as there's good romance I'd be fine with it even if Trucy channeled a Llama... and yes, I really did mean to say Trucy. Given how little Phoenix/Maya stories are actually written in average quality, I wouldn't mind if it were a little screwed up.
| Naoko Suki chapter 11 . 2/19/2011
Ahh I love it! I can't wait for the end! And your Gumshoe is perfect! I actually had to laugh out loud when he becomes a "Mouth Breather". Oh my gosh, tha'ts definitely Gumshoe!
| iryna chapter 10 . 2/7/2011
Aw, that chapter was so cute!
| Naoko Suki chapter 10 . 2/6/2011
Ahh Maya! You did it!
Best part though was when Gumshoe just wanted to listen to them talk. He totally would forget what he's doing to hear it! I can't wait for the ending chapters!
| MikieJoe chapter 10 . 2/6/2011
Hi! Long time no hear from. Sorry about my super long absense. I LUVED the way Maya proposed I wasn't expecting it at all. The Gumshoe thing was awesome and very very likely to happen in game. Hope u update soon
| Naoko Suki chapter 9 . 2/2/2011
OHH I LOVE IT! And Shelly De Killeeeeeeeer! HE ALMOST feels sorry.
Awesome chapter! More more MORE PLEASEEE! They were so close..!
| Frog-kun chapter 9 . 1/29/2011
ZOMG DE KILLER!
| TheShinningLight chapter 9 . 1/28/2011
Hmmm..Shelly Dee Killer,eh? I have guess as to what is going to happen next..I could be completely off though... Okay,so there's a person out there trying to frame Iris..and that person happens to be one of Shelly Dee Killer's clients,and he takes Maya hostage so,neither Phoenix or Apollo can't convict there client for the question is..who is this client of his? I can't think of anyone out to frame Iris other then...Dahlia...but wouldn't make any sense since she's dead and all...Kristoph maybe? He does like to poison people who get in his way...Hmmm..nah..Kristoph and Iris never meet and he wouldn't have a motive,also he's still in jail..unless..he escaped...Nah...Hmm..I'm drawing a complete blank here. Who knows really,all I know is,since this is a going to be a court case of Apollo Justice's,it's going to be complicated and confusing...Hahaha. So,Maya almost come to her senses and told Phoenix her feelings but,she got taken hostage...So,I guess there will be no more jealous Phoenix...just concerned for Maya's well-being Phoenix,darn..I'm going to miss reading about Phoenix's jealousy. That was fun to read! It always made me giggle. Ah,well. I can't wait for the next chapter! Please update soon.