|Reviews for His Ladylove|
| gamdlraenf chapter 1 . 8/14/2014
Awwwww! Good work Erutis, you got your man!
Great story, thanks for writing it :)
| FallenAnqel13 chapter 1 . 6/10/2013
Definitely the best Krayon and Erutis fic! Excellent job! You are an amazing author!
| Madlenita chapter 1 . 8/28/2012
Thanks for this story, i read Demon diary long time ago but Erutis and Krayon was my favorite characters... Thanks again...
| Sinnara chapter 1 . 6/22/2011
Cute. I liked it. Adding to my faves. Looking for more from you especially about these two! :D
| Aries chapter 1 . 4/7/2011
Great story! i really loved it, it really well written and the idea is good (unlike some fanfics where you either get one or the other, or even neither). They only thing that I had a problem with in this story was the character development. Since it's been 5 years you should go more in-depth into what Erutis is feeling and why she kept her feelings a secret. Also, I think that Krayon is a little out of character when destroying so many villages, I could see one or two, maybe even three, but you make it seem like he destroyed many villages out of spite. Another thing is how Krayon's train of thought jumps to another lover. Anyway, you're story's great, just needs a little editing to be perfect that's all. I hope this review helps! :3
| otherrealmwriter chapter 1 . 3/4/2011
This was pretty cool. Nice job. :D
| Delphos-IZ chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
It's the best story I have read in a looong time. Thank you for writing such a wonderful story. _
| Random ErutisKrayon Fan chapter 1 . 12/30/2010
All in all, I was surprised to come looking and find this here! :) Even better that it wasn't rated M and Krayon got a hold of himself before anything dangerous happened...mental note to myself: Don't wander into any male's bedroom looking for them. Ever.
I felt you deserved a helpful review to aid in future endeavors if you so choose to embark on them.
It was an interesting read, though I enjoyed the beginning the best, and the ending was a little too quick and somewhat forced seeming as you never explained how the five years changed the two of them, so it felt like only a month had passed since the end of the series and they were suddenly different.
General Story Related advice:
I would call more attention to that fact it's been five years and he's kept his self control this whole time for the attack to be surprising?
And also, more character development for Erutis in the beginning, musing on her transformation and changing thoughts during that time. If you can explain it well and make her actions in the last five years make sense, it will seem in character, if not, it veers off course.
I would also focus more on Krayon's shame for nearly losing control over himself, with more remorse for that and also more shame for his jealous rage at the end. I wouldn't've written him as blowing up so many villages either. That's a little too...senselessly blood thirsty for my point of view of him. Not sure if you'll reconsider or what though.
Technical, Grammar and Spelling:
Below are more technical comments and edits, and assuredly, there are more and these are just prominent examples, but it's more of something to keep in mine for your future work, I don't expect you to go back and reedit the entire thing at this time. After all, it was for fun, hm?
"It was forbidden for a seer to tell the future that upholds between two individuals" - This part sounds like you meant to say "tell what the future holds between two individuals", but somewhere along the lines got mixed up and it came out somewhat off.
This seems to happen quite a bit in here, and is just one of those things to think through your use of words more.
"herself imposing lover" should be: " her self-imposing lover"
"she has been blushing" - "she had been blushing"
Keep one tense, present or past, unless in flashbacks. Most of it was written in past tense, and I would keep it that way.
"Purpose for her visit: none." Although it made me chuckle out loud, it doesn't really fit the flow of the story and the rest of the writing style. It sounds more like a forum post commentary. Now, I wouldn't just axe the sentence, I quite like it, but what I would do is rewrite it in a style that fits the rest, while keeping the funny qualities.
Maybe, "Purpose? What purpose?"
"...one could say that Krayon was losing patience and -not to mention- serious."
I'm not sure what the last part about "serious" is for. In the future work on the clarity, it may be related to the other problem of only remembering the way a phrase kind of sounds and not the whole thing.
Right after that is, "Searching her for some answers." I would just remove "some" since it doesn't add anything to the sentence and makes it sound less romantic to me. "Searching her for answers." has a nicer ring to it and is very effective.
"Getting high of Erutis scent and looks." Needs to be "off" instead of "of". Not that we can all pay fancy editors though now, can we? ;) Nothing wrong.
"With a snap, almost too fast for Erutis's already slow brain to comprehend." - instead of "already slow brain" I would say "mortal mind". It sounds familiar, nice, and not demeaning in the same way "slow brain" does.
"their ministrations" should probably be just "his ministrations".
For Eclipse, "Poke each other with cards? Lame." It's a funny comment, but doesn't quite seem to fit with Eclipse to just think "Lame." perhaps "Eclipse shook his head in frustration and disappointment." or something of the like would be better.
"...one of the greatest and eldest demon lord in the realm, Krayon." - "demon lord" should be "demon lords" plural.
"Pompous freak of the nature" should be " Pompous freak of nature"
"She never mentioned it in reality but she liked it when pansy pants wiped her tears away." Instead of "pansy pants" it may do better to use "Krayon" in this sentence. It sounds more sincere.