|Reviews for Golden Power|
| Carottal chapter 26 . 8/31/2016
Hi, so I found out about this fic thanks to your update on ao3 and decided to read the whole thing here, as the plot seemed interesting enough and the flow nice to read.
I read the first two chapters on ao3 and didn't read them again here, so I don't know how much the writing changed between those versions. However, I wouldn't be surprised if you did change some things as I have to say I found what I read on ao3 easier to read than what I read on FF.
To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I would have left a review for this fic, had I not known you were publishing it again. The story is not bad per say, the plot is good and didn't disappointed me, but some elements irked me. And as you are publishing it again, I thought pointing out those elements may be somehow helpful. Maybe you'll agree with me and decide to make some slight changes to your story that will result in you liking it better. Maybe you won't agree with my opinion, think I didn't get your story right, and feel even better about your story after reinsuring that you like it. Or maybe you won't care.
So, to me, there are 3 parts in your story. The beginning, in which Link seems frail and naive but he is young and then seems to be frail and naive but is compared with Zelda and is somehow subdued as he has to pretend he is her. In that part, I loved Zelda because as bitchy as she was, you gave her redeeming qualities. She is vain, she is extremely ambitious, but she is able of caring (as she seems to come to love Link), she is a good strategist and tries to insure peace. Same as the goddesses being traitors but being good rulers in the beginning. I loved that they weren't completely black or white. So I don't know if I'd like your Zelda in this part in real life, but I do like her as an interesting character.
As for Link, he seemed very submissive (but your Zelda was a bit castrating if you see what I mean) but nice, cute, and most of all, intelligent. Though just by reading, I would have said he was younger than 17.
I'm not actually sure when the transition between the first and the second part of your story happened. First, Link seemed to be able to do many things when with the child and it was necessary that he saved the day, but as soon as Sheik was here, he became a crybaby and completely helpless. Which wouldn't necessarily be a problem, tears are not a bad thing, and fear is important when writing about the bearer of Courage. But here, we get to discover the boy has outstanding reactivity, can fight off some monsters, and freezes as soon as he is attacked. Seems a bit too convenient that Sheik would get to be his knight in shining armour anytime. And that was only the beginning, as Link seemed to become more and more objectified, like a puppet able of two reactions. Cry when feeling a negative emotion, blush in other cases. Really, the poor lad doesn't seem to take any decision for and by himself, doesn't seem able to defend himself, and I just couldn't get why he got Courage. Even after traumatising events, he didn't seem to really want to get over them, it was rather as if nothing happened, or as if he indulged in his helplessness, or he was conveniently sick, making it unlikely for him to dwell on what happened.
Then came the last few chapters. And suddenly, Link became a badass fighter, which even surprised all the people who knew him. This last Link was salvation for my appreciation of your Link overall the story. However, although I understand that you wanted to surprise us and show us a big development for him, I see a major problem in your Link. That is, that I just had to fight myself not to write "I see a major problem with your Links".
I'd take a somehow helpless Link over a complete moron who'd rush into action without acknowledging dangers and fear anytime. But, I want to see the seeds of the badass that could come. I want to see him fight against his fear, struggle to become better, hate his weakness, try to understand how to overcome the danger he could have died from if someone did not save him. I want to understand what made him helpless when we were shown he had means to fight back that he never used before.
Example. Link knows how to fight moblins. He fought some before as moblins attack is not so uncommon in his village. There are not many people his age as they died. Which means two things. Link knows death and he knows how it feels to be in danger. Taking all this into account, why is his reaction so strong at Zelda's? Is it the lack of weapon? But then, why didn't he start hiding one with him once he knew there was danger around? Does he fear poes? Is it really the first time he sees someone die? Or someone getting hurt because of him?
Really, during that long, very long second part, I just wanted Link to use use skills he had shown he had by avoiding the arrow, by training with Rusl,... And I couldn't understand why he didn't. Why was he so submissive? Or no, submissive is not the right word, why was he so passive?
His passiveness in all that part made his sudden change of heart kind of what the fuck. Why did he suddenly become able to act for himself?
The result is simple. To me, it's as if you didn't know what you wanted to make Link like, so you made him what would be useful for the benefit of the plot. And in the second part, as he was the price to win for all the decision making people (Zelda wants to get him so she can kill him, Majorah wants to bed him, Sheik wants that too), all more selfish than the other (no one asked Link what he wanted. He was abducted from one side to the other, and he didn't complain, Sheik's plans weren't so different to Majorah's, did he wonder once that Link may have a girl back at Ordon? The only one that gave him a choice was Zelda when he was offered to come to the castle.), his helplessness and lack of free will were enhanced. He just went with the flow. And then, when it was time for him to act because the plot demands a flashy final showdown, and the decision makers lost control, suddenly, he did all he could have done before, began to swear (because you can't be badass and be listened to without swearing?), and all.
I'll repeat, but my problem is not the idea of this development but the lack of explanation behind it. I don't get what led from one part to the other. I don't get what made Link unable to act and use his skills and then completely cable to act, like a different person dare I say. So maybe writing him a little less passive while he is with Sheik, giving him a weapon or a reason for not using one, giving him a reason for not being afraid of Ganondorf passed the moment he sees him for the first time, for agreeing to remain with the Gerudos with no mean to get news from the Ordon people or Hyrule castle, basically making him think more about the situations he finds himself in (as he is an intelligent boy) may give him more consistency.
I repeat, that's how I felt about Link. I may be the only one.
What I told you about Link, I felt it too with the "bad guys". As I told you about the first part of your story, I loved Zelda in the beginning because she was more complex than it seems. But in the end of the fic, she lost her complexity. Again, to me, it seemed that for the sake of making the plot move forward, you were afraid to take the time to show us, really, how it feels to bear this secret you have to kill to protect, how it feels to discover you do care for that pawn you've been using since childhood, the trembling hand when she thinks about killing Link was great, but where did it go after? And why would she still try to kill Link when the goddesses and Oni have joined force? When did she start really having him?
So yeah, basically, as you're publishing this story again, I hope that maybe you'll add some lines to get into the character's minds and understand the complicity or the simplicity of their mind (which reminds me of the name of the chapter of a very good fic for Death Note, pairing MattxMello, in which it is unveiled that Matt's mind is quite simple, only Mello matters to him, with all the consequences that it entails... What drives your characters? What blocks them?)
So thank you for your fic, even though I grew pretty frustrated with Link, it was an entertaining read with some very cool parts too, and a plot that was even more interesting than what the summary let on. (a shame the characters weren't as free to feel, fear, want, think as they could to add humanity to the whole thing, it would have made the story awesome)
| kellie1999 chapter 26 . 4/15/2016
Overall, this has been an interesting read and I have enjoyed it immensely. Though, you could work on some word choice because sometimes the words are overused or too simple to convey something more.
| nero922 chapter 5 . 9/7/2014
If my earlier comment sounded negative please ignore it. I like the story regardless
| nero922 chapter 3 . 9/7/2014
Link being feminine is one thing, but weak? Can't wrap my head around it and in all honestly don't want to. Is he suppose 2B the hero of time in this story or not? It seems to take place after Ocarina of Time.
| Foyet-the-Reaper chapter 26 . 11/29/2013
Very lovely story! There were many typos and a couple word mix-ups here and there, but the gripping story-line more than made up for that. I especially like how while there was mpreg, the story was not completely devoted to that aspect. All in all, I loved it :)
| Namesake chapter 26 . 9/6/2013
Thank you so much for such an enjoyable fanfic. There aren't many for this paring, and so it really stands out. You could have ended it with all the warm fuzzys and fluff, but you didn't, and I'm surprisingly glad, I think it sort of shows the continued cycle of the good vs evil within the series that keeps the story going. Thank you. :)
| A Bright Little Blue Star chapter 26 . 8/31/2013
I'm fine with you not making a sequel, but will you be making anymore Zelda fics sometime? I like how you write and I enjoyed the plot of this story. It was easy to understand, but you have to be open minded to new ideas for stories like this.
| Guest chapter 26 . 8/31/2013
| NoxTheShadowWolf chapter 26 . 8/31/2013
aww I words no for that, it cute, and sad at the same time
| winged sapphire wolf chapter 26 . 8/31/2013
Sapphire: So beautiful!
Crystal: (crying on Ashley's shoulders)
Ashley: I hate to be Link during that labor scene!
Matthew: This has been an amazing story Rye. Thank you.
Ashley: Take a bow girl.
Sapphire: (finally burst out crying) I can't believe it's over! WWWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Matthew: (holds me) There, there love. It was a good ending.
Sapphire: True. (cuddles into his side) Great Story Alrye.
| Farli30519 chapter 25 . 8/21/2013
YES! It lives again! You don't know how happy I am to see this story going again. Oh I hope Link and Onion make it through this. Especially if what I suspect is true.
| Guest chapter 25 . 8/21/2013
Noooooooo, not another cliffhanger! :'( Please please please update soon, it's killing me all the suspense. I'm loving it :D
| NoxTheShadowWolf chapter 25 . 8/21/2013
grrr cliffhanger noooo
| winged sapphire wolf chapter 25 . 8/21/2013
Ashley & Sapphire: Dude...
Matthew: That was epic!
Crystal: So...Oni and Majora are gone?
Ashley: I can't wait for the next chapter!
Sapphire: That was really good!
| Girlwholiketosmile chapter 25 . 8/21/2013
oh please please PLEASE up date soon im on the edge of my seat in anticipation for the next chapter ! :D