|Reviews for The Shiny Thing|
| empressdawn chapter 1 . 3/26/2013
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
I hated it. It was just plain BAD.
| Tsukinoko1 chapter 1 . 3/22/2011
What the heck does this have to do with A Wrinkle in Time? I don't see any connection. You also have a lot of typos. You should fix them and move this to another category.
| we're all squares here chapter 1 . 12/18/2010
Pros: Not much.
Cons: Almost everything.
Your sentences were very short. You have no description and a limited vocabulary to match your limited knowledge. You have no sense of grammar what-so-ever and the whole story could use a few hundred words.
Your plot is pathetic and your characters are... well, not that good.
"Mark, give it back meany!" [Unrealistic. What pathetic loser of a teenaged girl says 'meany'?]
"Heather, no." [Unrealistic. He sounds like a parent.]
"Mark, that was mean, and my nose isnt large, my face just hasnt grown to fill my nose." She says while holding her nose. [Instead of a period after 'nose', it should have been a comma. And the dialogue isn't very believable.]
"Now look what you'v done Heather. You broke it!" [Missing an 'e'.]
"Well maybe I woulnt of broke it if you wouldnt have called my nose large!" [Contraction fail.]
I would go on, but I'll spare you.
Advice: Delete. Or rewrite. But seriously... Change it.