|Reviews for Superman: Hope|
| Guest chapter 6 . 1/26/2014
Well it's been a year. I hoping you can give an update about what's happening with Clark soon.
| persevera chapter 2 . 8/23/2013
An interesting chapter, covering a lot of territory. In a lot of instances, I don't understand why people make chapters so long, rather than breaking them up into smaller entries, but here it makes sense, the establishment of the Kent family and the other events occurring at the time.
It's like Sam Lane is Javert from Les Miserables, wanting to hunt for the one alien (or metahuman) indefinitely, while there are plenty of others around now and he's seen how they've integrated into society.
I'm curious how you'll show this story in context with the end of the Cold War.
I liked Jonathan's jaw described as almost impossibly square and you had some very sweet lines, such as [I was always driven more by my heart than my brain. And this stupid heart told me 'go get her.] Jor-El was perfectly content to live as a farmer with the woman he loved.
There were several typos but I'll only mention a few that because of confusion they might cause the reader are probably more important to correct.
[poured his heart, and his most valuable secret out to him like that.]- This was when Jonathan was making his confession to Martha, so it should be 'her'.
[his dog, who for some reason seemed intensely interested in sniffing the bottom of the luggage trolley that he had been carrying around,]- Since you'd already mentioned the trolley, I don't think it's necessary to expound on it again by saying that he'd been carrying around, especially since it could be taken to mean the dog, since that's who you were talking about there.
Haha—It's so ironic that Clark, who will end up wearing a skin-tight costume, complained that he didn't like wearing tight clothes. I really liked that line.
| Green Phantom Queen chapter 1 . 8/2/2013
I was so blown away by this whole story. The details were so spot on. I could imagine the story as if it was a giant picture book with the panels, speech bubbles, emphasized words and the POW! BAFF! and such that is usually seen in a comic book in general. I was drawn in with the words used and the whole setting. This is going to turn out into such a depressing fic, you know that?
for starters, let's start with one Johnathan Kent. I find it so interesting that his wife is named Mary (don't know the canon names, sorry) and now we have so many biblical references or they could've just been named for convenience sake. I see johnathan as this somewhat bitter recluse but he shows compassion throughout Jor-El's 'one-hour' stay despite the military hounding on them and eventually killing the old man. Well, that was one way to leave an impression in the story. It also just feels ironic that there's such a dark and gritty background despite the title having Hope in it.
Last the whole one hour thing made me realize how much can be done in that short amount of time. In 60 minutes/3600 seconds, Jonathan met up with a man from outer space and confronted by military men who had no qualms in attacking and eventually killing him. In that span of time Jor-El saw the dark side of humanity that he hoped to never see again. In one hour he declares that he will do whatever it takes to have hope even in a world that is suffering through cold war and nuclear warfare. I can only imagine this strange tale that will be told and I hope that even if the ending is bittersweet, there will still be signs of a true happy ending for all.
In short, this is a very exciting beginning to a very beautiful epic. Thank you for writing.
| Dave Karofsky chapter 1 . 7/31/2013
Ok...where do I start? Should I just remark I cried in the first chapter? well that. I was so goofy laughing at the dog, he was so helpless and so weak, yet he was just expanding good mood all around like he wouldn't be thinking in anything else...not that dogs can think though. I was a little bored in the middle of the story but maybe that was just because I'm not good at reading military stuff other than the war in open fire. Now the most emotional moment, Kent's death. what can I say, I just covered my mouth in horror as I read his dying breath, then my eyes watered almost instantly, I thought he would be the co-protagonist of the story with El, but when I saw him die, I felt a stitch in my heart. I thought I would be reading a random fanfic but this one really gained my heart. I should read further, I'm willing to wait for updates
| persevera chapter 1 . 6/25/2013
One could go through a lot of emotions in this chapter—sadness, joy, a little comic relief from the dog.
[At the ripe age of 55]- you need a comma after this.
[for when he walked through the front door and into the windy outdoors, his keen eyes immediately registering the cause of the dog's concern.]- I think this would read smoother with 'registered' instead of registering.
I love the character you give the dog—described first by the white paws on the side of the bed, eager to go, then smart enough to wait until Kent could get rid of the nail he'd spotted for him, and rewarded with a ride in the front seat.
[clearing of a well-known throat]- This is a clever way of saying that a prominent person is about to speak.
I don't like the way Kent calls his dead wife "old Mary". If he's 55, then she probably wasn't much older, and in the 80's, that age just wasn't as old as it would have been in the 30's, when the original Superman story was set.
[but to Jonathan Kent, it did not matter if there was a Cosmonaut or an Astronaut trapped in there.
Whoever was in there might be dying, trapped and helpless for all he knew, and he had to help that person.]- This is a good characterization of Kent, whose humanity is stronger than his patriotism, or his fear.
I like the language coming from the Mother Box. It is just as analytical and mechanical as one might expect. Kudos on the verbage.
[What are you going to do with him…Lt. Harper?"..."Whatever the government of the United States deems necessary.] Yeesh, that's menacing, especially realizing that sometimes the government of the U.S. is more willing to pull a trigger or push a button than it might be at other times.
[He felt fresh, somehow, as he was bathed in the star's yellow rays]- I like the repeated reference to the sun as a star with yellow light, and then it's referenced again right at the end. Nice continuity.
I'm not sure about using a real president in your story, but if you do, should it be an accurate depiction? Reagan spoke much folksier than you have him talking when he first goes into the Pentagon. I can't imagine his saying "...able to impart any knowledge as to the situation, so I fully expect a sound and pertinent explanation about its nature."
| riaser chapter 1 . 6/24/2013
You write very long chapters, which can tend to throw people off a bit, so you may want to consider breaking them up. This is. a bit of a personal preference, so you don't have to listen to that if you don't want to. I'm going to say off the bat that I'm not overly familiar with the fandom, but I know just enough to scrape by here.
First of all, I'm stunned by your description. It's a bit wordy, but absolutely amazing, the extent of which is clear because I can see everything in my head...perfectly. Especially at the very beginning, I was surprised by the sophisticated amount of descriptions.
Also, I'm not sure about the characteristics of any of the characters, so I can't compare them to anything. I found that they were well portrayed, but I'm not sure if they were out of character or not.
[...the faithful Farm Collie's...] 'Farm Collie' doesn't need to be capitalized.
I spotted a few other errors like this, but nothing drastic or jarring.
Excellent job, you have a very descriptive and flowing style!
| jdboss1 chapter 6 . 6/5/2013
disappointing Superman's father didn't do more his initial interaction with the US government was brilliant was quite annoyed you soon belittled him to a minor character who
I'll follow this story it might pick up some day
| thats-a-moray chapter 6 . 4/9/2013
[When he had last looked at the man before leaving the overwhelming whiteness of the room, he didn't see John Henry Irons: he saw a man sitting by a deathbed, whispering sweet nothings into his loved ones' ears as they faded away.] This is absolutely brilliant. Strangely, I've often felt this way just from looking at the stars. "Hey, is anyone alive out there? Can you hear me?"
[Being a lifelong atheist meant that the avenue of faith was rejected to him; so the only thing left was abject disappointment.] As an atheist, it really depends on what you mean by faith. Believing in something in spite of evidence to the contrary (ie "Nothing will ever shake my faith in God") or in refusal to search for evidence for or against is the kind of faith most atheists find despicable and liken to being in denial. Believing in something in the absence of evidence while actively searching for said evidence is more akin to hope than faith in my eyes. Naturally, as evidence against the hoped-for-truth mounts, hope gradually disintegrates. I think this is what you intended to convey, and I understand you don't want to derail the story by going into Palmer's absence of faith, but this sentence got on my nerves a little, as it's a common trope in American media to portray atheists as bitter and angstful creatures of logic.
Holy shit, Dr. Manhattan?
[It all made sense to him; spoke a clear, definite language, possessed of an intricate, awe-inspiring, fearful symmetry.] Reference to 'The Tiger' by William Blake?
This scene is really awesome, but I'm afraid it's a little too close to the same scene in Watchmen. The specifics are different but it's a bit predictable because I've seen the film before.
I also really liked Rowan and James. You add so many little, personal details to your characters ("Roe") and it gives your stories this powerful human element, so no matter what's going on I always feel invested in them. Great chapter!
| Arimadios chapter 2 . 3/2/2013
Hopefully, this "Issue" of Superman Hope will be as good as the first!
... Damnit. Now I want Cookies. Seriously. You HAD to lead in with that... amazingly... perfect... descritption of... a cookie... *Mouth waters*
Ouch. Lukemia... It's refreshing, beyond so, to see that your stories have a sense of realism to them. You don't deny the reality of life, and in fact, seem to bond your stories INTO reality, bringing a sense of disbeliefe into your stories that... hell, man. You almost make life amongst normal people seem nice and exciting. It's amazing how you do that. I like the car scene, it just reinforces the... homey feel.
My god, That is... emotional. I want to cry now, Thanks, asshole. I mean that with love. Seriously. He named the collie Krypto, and lil baby supaman is just chillin in a back pappose. I feel like Martha right now. "Gah...?" indeed.
George reminds me of myself. I too would put someone to a little bit of the fifth degree for having a baby in a pappose while hitch hiking. Dude, you just nail this awesome sensation of normallacy in this non normal and fantastic world. I love it. and the Kal-llarke thing was funny and just so... alien.
The scene with Lane and Harper really reminds me that there IS a shady side. A plot in and of it's self going on within the government, one centered on the boys. It's hard to say "Yay" for american soldiers who are a bit to cavalier, but it's also hard to say YAY! for Superman or his dad at this point in the story, neither one having showcased their heroics yet.
The homey feel... I just love parts like these. Keep em up!
I liked Hamilton - An absent scientific dreamer who only sobers up when organic fecal material hits rotational oscillating air circulation devices, eh wot? ... I don't know why I said Eh Wot. But I do like that real feeling portrayal of a Military father - even if he is one who's waaay up in the echelons. It's quite a nice feel. By the by, it really does feel like I'm reading a comic book.
George! No! Car Accident?! BAHHH! Such a horribly normal way to go. I dislike that he died, yet I enjoyed the fact that Jor and Kal actually talk kryptonian to discuss it. I like how you portray young Kal-llarke. (Giggle) How he doesn't REALIZE he's freaking SUPERMAN (Still the most OP super hero EVER.) and it all just seems so normal to him.
*Breath hitch* Damn. I'd hate to be that patch of ground. A Vehement stare... owie. The Reveal was a long time coming (Apparently.) and it's pulled off well. And Jor is so damned sweet. The Krypto line was funny as crap. The Kiss both fits the situation, and aggrivates the DAYLIGHTS out of me. THat should have been a damn spiderman kiss, yo! But, In the style of a comic book and not a movie, the platonic, romantic understanding kiss is a great move.
| Arimadios chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
Okay, Two things: Fandom NEARLY Blind, and I absolutely dislike superman as a person. He's blatantly overpowered. I just want you to know that, so, take my reviews on his persona with a grain of salt.
You describe John Kent in a way I can relate to. Just an old man, living an old life. Your descirption of the dog is eerily spot on as well. Heh. Spot on. See what I did there? Anyway. This part just plain made me smile. Sometimes, It's nice to read about just how damn normal life can be. And you nailed that. The Hay line was absolutely hilarious too.
That dog is as sharp as a tack. Hehehe. Another pun. That kind of detail, some people would say is needless and monotonous. It's not, and don't let people tell you otherwise. Dealing with a NORMAL problem is a drag - but avoiding one by simple actions is a life lesson. That's the kind of thing you expect to see when you read an actual book. Very well worded, to. Maintains a 'normal' humor to it.
Personal note: I like that Gen. Sam Lane is a smoker. I'm glad to see the mystique and effect of a burning stick between the lips is not a completely lost art in literature.
BWHAHAHA! I love your Rendition of Reagan. And not a single note of politcal venom in that segment. It's just a good ole' boy who got woke up wayyyy too early in the morning. Snarky and Sarcastic... I enjoy that. It's very refreshing.
The ball of yarn line is quite evocative of what you're trying to portray. That's an excellent metaphor and beautiful choice of words. I Think, honestly, You nailed that. It's just plain easy to read and understand. Things like that are good.
You really sink home that while John might be a cantakerous old man on the outside, on the inside, he's a good man. You really expect to read about that in a location like Kansas, but that's a style of person I admire. It's very rare to see it pulled off so well.
OKay. That... That isn't Clark Kent, is it? THat's another Kryptonian, for sure, but uhm... not Clark. Or is it an Older Clark? You're making Superman seem less... Less of a dick. I'll be honest, that's ALWAYS how SM gets played off to me. Interesting twist. I'm kind of interested now.
Ha! Okay, I have to complain about the ease of Translation, but, I'm a Hard-Sci-Fi Fan. If you're going soft, perfectly acceptable. But A lot of your story seems to border on the Hard side of things. It's very interesting. Maybe it's just medium sci-fi, Believable in some parts, and stretching the Willing Suspension of Disbelife in others? It didn't break my WSoD, but It stretched it. Thought I'd let you know.
You should watch for Writing Fatigue. "his face all grim and dark," sounds a HELLUVA lot more casual than your more formal (When called for) stance while writing has been. I can kind of tell you were tired at this point - maybe writing after work or a hard day of brain excercise. You might want to break up the story more, if you wrote this all in one sitting.
There's always that ONE asshole in the Military. I like how tries to speak in short sentences like he thinks El is stupid. It's funny to watch someone talk down to a dude covered in a force field that absolutely cock blocks anything like a bullet.
BWHAHAHAHA! Okay, you played that combat straight. That, my friend, was absolutely epic. Comic book level violence in some ways trumps Video Game violence, and in others, falls short. Played straight like this, it comes off as a hero tale one can't help but feel giddy about. I'm making a note here, Huge Success.
I can tell, I will like your rendition of Superman much better than I like the real one. I had already clicked favorite and follow for all of this because I enjoy your style immensely. But, I will miss John. That's a tragic thing to do so early, and honestly, I dislike it because i liked the character, but I like it for the WSoD - That was a brilliant, emotional blow that just made me WANT the story to be real. It also has good implications for your Narative Cohesion.
*PFFFFFFTTTTTT* I just spit out my damn Reese. That's SUPERMAN'S DAAAADDDD!? ... Talk about EPIC. That, sir, is golden. You sir, are a MASTER of the Reverse Boss Swap (Which is technically, the hero swap. VERY rarely attempted... and never pulled off.) I weep for the beauty of the plot twist you have just successfully demonstrated. *SALUTE!*
My God. That was Beautiful.
| Audemed chapter 2 . 2/12/2013
Wow, a great chapter- my word, you have amazing writing skills. I especially liked how long it was, I think I'm one of the few people who actually like long chapters.
[The name's Kal..llark.] Nice!
In general everything was good and well-written, especially the last part- very emotional.
And now I see where you were going with leaving that dog unnamed- a nice touch!
Also, no mistakes that I could find when I read it, aside from this minor one-
[It haven't been that long since]
haven't should be hadn't.
Also, I felt that you used too many ellipses- it might just be me, however!
| Audemed chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
I liked the first section of the story a lot- a bit of an insight into Jonathan and the dog's relationship, although I did find it weird that he had not named the dog even after being with him for five months. Yes, you do explain the cause being his wife's death but I dunno, to each his own I guess. The writing as a whole is really good in the first section of the story.
The writing does get a bit shaky in the second section- a lot of places where the sentences do not flow correctly. example,
[however most being of the type who you wouldn't be likely to come upon in such a gathering no more than perhaps once in his life.]
Consider omitting the 'no more than perhaps once in his life' and using 'across' in place of 'upon'.
[And even the President could not hold back the sheer surprise and shock permeating his face when he heard those next words, no matter how fantastical or ridiculous they sounded to be.]
Consider changing the sentence here to something like this: [And even the President could not hold back the sheer surprise and shock permeating his face when he heard what followed, no matter how fantastical or ridiculous it sounded.]
The third section was pretty solid, only thing I could find was this [light falling on the palm of his hand with the outmost curiosity.] outmost? it should be utmost, if I'm correct.
Coming to the last section, it was really emotional.
[he may very well be the Last Son born on Krypton. But to me he represents hope. He represents hope for all of us.]
I especially liked this line.
So from what I understand, in this AU both Kal-El and his father survive, while the Kent's die.
Very interesting, It'll be nice to see where you go with this.
| Guest chapter 6 . 2/3/2013
Great story so far, from looking at the reviews I can tell you definitely have a lot of beta reviewers.
I was hoping you could give characters more of a physical description for example I read that put has hazel eyes and a stubble but I can't really tell if he is white with blond hair like in the comics or African American like in Smallville. Similarly, with Lana I could not tell whether she was a redhead like in the comics or dark haired like in Smallville.
I'm making a guess here and assuming Lori Lemaris is not a mermaid in this story, and assuming Lt. Jim Harper is going to be the Guardian (or at least hoping he isn't the Guardian from his 'shoot first ask questions later mentality').
I've really enjoyed reading your story so far, and hope the next chapter will include more about Clark and what Kel ex discovered. Please update faster then this last time if you can.
| Silwen Prince chapter 1 . 2/2/2013
‘ “Jesus, boy…" the man groaned as he flung his hardy legs off the bed, the dog running off to the doorway as he put on his working boots, "If this is about your food, I swear that you are going on nothing but hay for the next two weeks…” ’—I love the sense of humor, it had me smiling. But I wonder if just one period would be okay. Three gives it a bit of a dragging feeling. However, that’s probably just my opinion.
Isn’t Jonathan married to “Martha”?
“Of that, he was mighty sure.”—love the colloquial feel of this phrase. Puts me right in the setting and character’s mind.
“Jonathan stopped short when he noticed the dim gleam of metal on the minuscule object. He crouched beside the dog and grabbed the material, a faint smile appearing on his wizened visage when he saw what he was holding: a nail.”—What’s the significance of the nail? I don’t get it. Is the machine faulty?
I love the implication that there are superheroes all over the globe. I think that American culture is rather ethnocentric about the idea of superheroes being mainly American or in the U.S. So thanks for acknowledging this issue and fixing it. I’d love to see a story about those superheroes too from you. I like your writing style!
“President Reagan addressed the others as he glanced…”—I’m glad you know your history! :]
Very nice cliff hangers, they leave me wondering and urgent to go on to the next part.
You over-say things a little bit. Try concising descriptions and dialog. (I know I spelled that wrong, sorry!) Like this paragraph for example, “And smack dab in the middle of it, there laid something so…wonderful, and something so terribly frightening all at once that Kent could not help but gasp out loud, and his grip on the dog's leash loosened, which was not at all missed by the insightful collie- who simply ran straight towards the strange object with infectious enthusiasm, entirely oblivious to the dangers it might contain within. Or so it seemed to Jonathan at the very least.”—You could drop a few adjectives and such. Give your readers credit for being intelligent and able to infer things. ;)
“And then the clothes…who on Earth wore clothes like that?”—I love this line. It’s so ironic! :D
You have a nice ratio of dialog tags compared to dialog; you don’t overwhelm yet it’s usually clear who is talking to whom.
Having only watch Smallville and seen 1940’s Superman cartoons, I apologize for my ignorance of this question. Is “El” supposed to be Superman or a relation to him? If it is Superman, then interesting having him be a grown up and fall from the sky! I haven’t seen that before.
| thats-a-moray chapter 5 . 1/30/2013
Was this the chapter you said you thought would be boring? I didn't think so at all. Honestly, this may be my favorite chapter so far.
First off, I loved getting to know Kel-Ex. You did a great job of writing from the perspective of a non-human intelligence. Maybe other readers won't agree, but I personally love reading stories from alternative perspectives such as this. I especially loved the detail about when Kel-Ex was put into storage as punishment for having existential thoughts. I'm actually hoping to read more from his perspective.
Of course the trip to the Grand Canyon was the highlight of this chapter. I was honestly expecting Clark to fly on his first try. I've always had this picture of Superman as a Jesus allegory, so I tend to expect perfection from him. Seeing him fail in such a human way was a nice change of pace. The way he joked with his father was also great.
Speaking of Johnathan, I feel they have a great contrast between them. I wonder why it is that Clark feels the need to hide his emotions whereas his father does not? Perhaps he isn't entirely invulnerable after all. Great job.
Only one SPaG:
"May that had been too harsh parenting for the first go round." 'May' should be 'maybe.'