|Reviews for In The Next Room|
| draggy2 chapter 1 . 9/22/2011
yay for writing kaiba/seto! Seriously ~ so glad!
Your writing itself is pretty good! So if you're looking to improve I wouldn't nit-pick how to phrase sentences - but to work on probability. There were a few parts in the story that I second-guessed the likelihood of happening (which a writer should always strive to never have the reader do).
Case in point: would Seto, a tight-ass conceited, power-hungry business think it worth it to get everyone in school (class?) a hotel room? Chances are no, he'd just buy his own whilst there. And hotels have a fire-code of 4 (5 if you push it, depending on the size of the room) to a room. So everyone couldn't have been in one room as you stated would have been the outcome~ nor would Seto buy each person an individual room when 4 could be shoved in each.
Also, it was off-putting how quick each confessed their feelings. I cringed. Confessions are doubt-filled, angsty, especially in a situation where you feel forced to admit it - to someone's face no less (way more daunting) the fear of the outcome is huge because it would mean *so much* if the answer was yes - even though it's way more likely to be no and that would be crushing. So make the moment tense. Make the reader, and the character, sit and stare and -oh god, WAIT - to get that reaction from the other character. We'll be in our seats stuck with the character, holding our breath too.
But your writing is great! Please keep at it! And write more Seto/Jou! If anything, just sit a minute and plot, or ponder a scene or instance out. Give us some tension if at all possible. But keep at it! Can't wait to see how your writing develops!
| Sommer89 chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
happy endings are my fave too ;)
| Mulanzu chapter 1 . 1/7/2011
Not bad, Kaiba was OOC near the end, but I loved the beginning
| Yugi16dm chapter 1 . 12/23/2010
"I would like to formally offer you my heart. … Not the organ!"
LMAO! That was the best part of the fic! Awesome job! :)
| tiarakc chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
This was too cute and I thoroughly enjoyed it! :D
| WishesintheNightSky chapter 1 . 12/13/2010
Blegh. I'm too lazy to log in. D; But I'm not lazy enough to not give a review to this. (unlike SOME people, apparently..)
This is: humorous, hot (come on. jounouchi jerking off and making tons of noises? how is that NOT hot? xD), and overall adorable for some reason that I do not know. x3
This deserves a clap. My first clap, too, so feel special. ;) -gives you a round of applause-
| Reizbar-Ookami chapter 1 . 12/12/2010
LOL! "Not the organ." XD Oh, Kaiba, I love you and your social-ineptitude.
Very funny! Enjoy it? Yes I do. :D