|Reviews for Mass Effect: A new past|
| tco99123 chapter 15 . 10h ago
The problem with super-soldiers, is that their 'superness' detracts from the individual achievement of each soldier.
I enjoyed this story, but with one major issue. The full integration of 7 species into the Systems Alliance, almost completely swallowing Humanity's contributions and negating much of Humanity's struggles and trials. A multi-species alliance is fine, as long as each species remains mostly distinct and separate from the others internal systems and institutions.
| tco99123 chapter 14 . 12h ago
Eh? So a Turian Spectre is responsible for the worsening relationship with the Alliance, and so the Council decide a Turian Spectre to investigate this mysterious Turian Spectre? Utter nonsense. With the battalion of Spectres availablr to them, they could've sent a Spectre from every Citadel species but Turian.
This is no longer a Mass Effect AU story, because it resembles nothing of Mass Effect at all. The fact there are no humans in your story at all is absurd. Every perspective in the last three chapters has been alien. Mass Effect is fundamentally about the Human System Alliance's struggle to survive and prosper in the ME universe, with emphasis on Human. This story started well, then went completely mental.
The bit with the legal 'drama' was the most tedious fiction I've read in a long time. As well as being patently absurd as the idea that so many species could be embodied by a single institutiom is laughable and runs contrary to the long term survivability of Humanity; which would make Humanity reject this system on a primal level. Each species becomes a crutch for others, strenghtening the whole slightly but weakening individual races considerably, sapping their diversity. Humans could never accept this. It was I thought a fundamental reason that Humanity did not have client races, solely to avoid this obvious trap.
In fact far from being 'diverse' this one government fits all approach is in fact incredibly bigoted. The Council System has an advantage here because each species makes it's own way and orders its own internal affairs as it sees fit. The only time the Council intervenes is when a species affects other species against the second species will. I accept the Council is an Oligarchy, but it doesn't need to be. There is no reason that the criteria for a species to have a rep on the Council has to be so rigid and arbitrary. Especially considering none of the Council races met their own criteria for joining the Council (other than Humanity in the MEU). It is in fact potentially a far more tolerant form of government, than the 'constitutional' Alliance. Since the Alliance constitution's caveats demands that other species conform to their idea of civilization and sentience even within their own systems.
| tco99123 chapter 12 . 3/12
While I agree with your analysis of what the Council would want from 'giving' the Alliance colonization rights to the Verge, I also think its important to analyze the differences between your Alliance and the one in the games.
In the games, the Alliance was much weaker and so the Council may have believed that limiting Human expansion to their immediate area and the Verge would greatly stymie Alliance expansion. But from the Alliance's point of view, the Verge presented a massive opportunity; not only to colonize butg to engage in peacekeeping and anti-piracy measures. Both of which a requiste before any petition to join the Council could be considered. As we saw in the games, not only did the Alliance tame the Verge and cripple the slaver operations in their space (Torfan), thy did it inspite of Council claims that they were helpless to spare forces to intercede alongside Alliance ships. Embarrasing the Council and gaining prestige for itself.
In your universe, the Alliance has no real need to expand into that area, especially with their more strategic FTL, they could ignore the entire area all together. As for the Alliance tech and economy, they aren't really dependent on trade with Citadel space and if they really wished to ensure their tech remains their own, ceasing trade with Citadel space would be the most efficient way of doing that. That said, I'm surprised that Human intelligence agencies don't have shadier individuals than all the Citadel races put together
(Illusive Man 'cough, cough'). Great chapter.
| tco99123 chapter 11 . 3/12
Engineering the conflict between the Alliance and Hegemony and forcing the Hegemony to withdraw from the Council. All of it an Asari trap to slow the expansion of the Alliance, much like the ME games. I like it.
I also really enjoyed your introduction of Tuchanka into the negotiations. Tuchanka is indeed one of the worlds nearest to Alliance space. Good chapter.
| tco99123 chapter 10 . 3/12
An equally mixed military, of species with varying degrees of population and industry? Not likely. Also all species must by definition favor their own over others as a matter of survival. One cannot be a brother in arms with another species. Its a non-negotiable fact, and in my opinion is the biggest flaw in this story.
'Psyonic' powers? Well I suppose the Asari and Reapers have demonstarted some abilities regarding influencing minds in a very limited way. But Humans doing it? Doesn't ring true in the ME universe.
The Turians don't have civilian oversight, they're ruled by the Hierarchy. Also, female Turian Admirals? The head honcho no less? Runs against everything we've seen in ME.
I liked the STG though.
| tco99123 chapter 9 . 3/12
Interesting. It was also good to see the neural links again, though the fleet commanders didn't seem to use them. It's also odd that both fleet commanders were not Human. Isn't Valern the name of the Salarian Councilor? I'm not sure the loss of mostly Frigates and Corvettes could be considered heavy losses.
| tco99123 chapter 8 . 3/12
There were many contradictions in this chapter.
The Vegans are a 1960s tech civilization, but they developed a directed energy weapon to prevent a fission/fusion bomb from detonating?
The Alliance is therefore using nukes in it's anti-ship weapons is incredibly risky, since without the nuke detonation the x-ray attack fails completely. Why build a weapon that is easily circumvented? What if the nuke that is dropped is stealthed? What happened to the city defenses that UES cities had against nuke attack?
The Vegans have one eye, therefore probably not the best pilots or marksmen available. No depth perception.
The idea that the Systems Alliance is heavily mixed, almost interchangeable with species, even more so than any Citadel race even though they've been integrating with each other for millenia. Yet the Turian admiral only discovered that he was fighting more than one race at the end of two weeks of conflict? Since a third of the population of Shanxi was Vegan, and the fact that the Turians were fighting the Shanxi militia, shouldn't there have been a considerable Vegan presence on the ground?
These are just some of the mistakes you've made in unnecessarily mixing the species together under one organization. Even though it's unnecessary and unworkable. It's also unbelievable that a 1960s civilization like the Vegans could advance to parity with the UES/Alliance all the while the Alliance itself is still advancing.
Even having Vegan scientists develop the meson superweapon onboard the Alliance capital ships is contradictory. You said the reason the Vegans had not advanced as fast as Humanity is because of the 'lack' of war on their homeworld. Now their naval experts and weaponers capable of usurping Human miltary technology and doctrine?
You're aliens weren't very alien either, and very little notice of the other two races.
The President of the Alliance also had no clue as to what a Turian was, bizarre considering they're the commander in chief and the UES had known about the Council for decades and Humanity has known about alien life for decades, even integrating that same life into their colonies, military and governemnt.
What happened to all the Neural links everyone was using in the first chapters, not even the fleet commanders were using them? Why haven't we heard from any AI so far in this story? Why would an attack fleet have no ability to strike at long range? Especially considering how simple mass accelerator cannons are to build in comparison to directed energy weapons.
Why did the Turian admiral drop a nuke on a city and then surrender? It's either/or not both. He either drops a nuke and fights to the last or he doesn't and surrenders. You could do with changing that bit really.
Combat was very exciting, very well done. I'm just not sure I can get behind all these localized races you've added or how you've integrated them into the Alliance.
| tco99123 chapter 7 . 3/12
It's good that you've changed the first contact war with the Turians so that it is bloodier than described in the ME games. It makes more sense of their being bad blood.
However, I don't see the Systems Alliance working the way you've set it up. The Council exists as a way to organize the galaxy to the benefit of all races, supposedly, but even peaceful species who've been members of the Citadel for millenia like the Hanar and Volus are just associate members. Showing the Council's claims to be hollow. One thing the Council government got right was the fact that each species has a distinct representative and manages it's own borders and affairs independent of the Council. Your merged paliament system, with its constitutional rights etc.. couldn't work for various alien races, as well, they're alien. No single government/legislative body could account for all the variations between species. The Council way of each species choosing it's own representative makes more sense and would likely be more stable, especially if all species were on equal terms.
Great combat, great chapter.
| tco99123 chapter 6 . 3/12
6 million colonists is a very small population for a decades old colony which is so easily habitable. The fact that Vegans make up a third of the population is odd as well, since the Vegans were a 1950s civilization. Even with accelerated advancement they would still need for the Alliance to aid in their colonization efforts.
I see you've abandoned the Phased Pulse weaponry that was so effective against gravimetric shielding in the opening chapter. It seems odd that Human missiles aren't really able to get passed laser point defenses, thus making them almost useless, particularly when you think that the Alliance also uses laser point defenses.
| tco99123 chapter 1 . 3/11
Great openig chapter. I'll have to check out supreme ruler 2020.
| vincent1875 chapter 4 . 2/26
Well, I was rolling my eyes every other paragraph. The Captain guy was being overly dramatic and going on about how great this discovery is every other second so till if felt like it was being shoved in our faces to the point that it got annoying. I can't help but feel that you did that to try to justify Humanity all joining together so easily towards the end. That was only acceptable because you'd described them as already being on the verge of falling apart. It would have come across better if that was mentioned then and the speech was mentioned as the last straw. The reasons why they're falling apart make no sense to me. Your story mentioned a global collapse but didn't really get into any logical reasons for it. I believe Brazil doesn't even rely on oil. Aren't they a major producer of ethanol and use that to power most of their stuff? Why are they bothering trying to invade people for oil? What conflict in North America short of a civil war could have possibly caused the United States enough trouble that it dissolves?
The Salarian STG stuff seemed like a plot device as well. Why didn't the Salarians surrender? Why didn't they wipe the information on their stuff when they realized they were trapped? Why does a covert special ops group even have a ship full of information about the galaxy in general? It would be almost useless for them to have. Why could the humans so easily access the data on the Salarian's ship? Even if they already had a ship it doesn't make they should be experts on hacking Salarian systems.
Overall the story seem well written but kind of dull. I'm hoping the actions picks up and people stop being so melodramatic. People talking about making history every five seconds just makes them look bad.
| Master-Winter chapter 15 . 2/24
This is the most amazing story I have ever read in . The detail is incredible, the politics make sense, and the tactics are exactly what I would do (I'm ex military intelligence). I look forward to the next installment. Keep it going!
| Plutodo chapter 9 . 11/25/2013
A "boxy looking ship" massing 30k tons, 900 meters long?
Either "boxy" means "needle-shaped" or those ships are made from styrofoam.
| J.E.P 1996 chapter 8 . 10/26/2013
Wait you first said it was a five Megaton bomb then you changed it to a three megaton?
| Pyryp chapter 13 . 10/16/2013