Reviews for The Queen
crimewaves chapter 1 . 7/11/2013
I actually first read this story at a while ago (months, really) and although I was impressed with your style of writing and the piece overall, I didn't comment because I felt like I was struggling to empathise with Liz. But not for the reasons you'd think I was struggling- the Thompsons sisters have always really strongly resonated with me, as I feel that they sort of mirror my relationship with my little sister, and the awful situation we were in a few years ago (which had my sister and I basically bereft of any adult protection- both my parents in prison and my older brother f***ed off god knows where- we were supposed to be living with relatives that my mum had fallen out with in a pretty spectaculor way, so we were stranded in the company of people who were hostile. A lot of the time, we were just flat out alone. I took over as the parent.)

So I think my problem there was that I was expecting Liz to do the things I would have done, instead of the things she would have have done, because of how strongly I can identify with her, and her situation. Regardless, I didn't comment, and I think that was for the best, because this story has actually really stuck with me. Its stayed in my memory, its grown on me so much, even though it'd been months since I last read it. So I'm glad I didn't review and tell you my first impressions, because now I've given it time, I have new and much more postive impression of it.

There's so many little things I like about the story. The language used throughout is gorgeous, and it sometimes seems like poetry (The girls sighed in pleasure and peeled off their layers, a shedding of fur in a false summer.) I also really like the use of ongoing motifs- playing cards, winter and the darkness that comes with nighttime (the Things). You could have used these as part of a metaphor just once (and I think a lot of people wold have, instead) but instead you've kept going and woven it into the story as an essential thread, and it worked out beautifully. (I especially like that the cards motif was introduced overtly in the first segment, and then it tied up the story in the end. It was very fitting.)

The use of 'the darkness that comes with nighttime' (as I put it) was actually really great, as it grounded this piece in the Soul Eater Verse beyond it being a story about a Soul Eater character. This fic is primarily about Liz and Patti, and how they get by, and wouldn't at first seem to have much to do with monsters and meisters (since they aren't practising meisters just yet). But that element of the supernatural in the story connects them to wider universe, but in a tangential way that doesn't interfere with the story, instead just gently guides Liz to her decision at the end, to use her power to grab hold of a better life for Patti.

Another thing I really liked? The depiction of how the girls were living (During the day they laughed like hyenas, stole like rats, fought like cats. During the night they exchanged dreams in whispers, finally falling asleep as the sun rose.) The contrast between just how sh***y life is at the bottom of the ladder (and it is sh***y - been there, smelt the vomit) and the girls themselves. That they all have dreams, that they're all 'big sisters', that they are more than their surroundings would suggest, with backgrounds that explain how they got there (Monica) and seemingly no way out. (A lot of the time, when you read things about how people interpret life in the dumps, it's like the characters fade into the background, and are a part of the scenery, just as dark and glum and featureless as their surroundingly. Here, all the girls stand out from their surroundings, and it's so refreshing read.)

That's enough of me gushing about how much I loved your story. Constructive crit time? Yeah. I caught a handful of typos: [and scream at her these girls.][Together, they giggled {their way} to his apartment.]
[herself clutching herself in a {hug}, a desperate shield against her {fear}?.] [Jenely's face ended {up} scratched.]
[{Patti} giggled, bouncing in her new, clean shoes.] I've encased the corrections in {these}. Except for the frist typo [and scream at her these girls.] because I'm not sure what that's supposed to be (just 'scream at these girls'?). Another thing I noticed is that you tend to use a word or phrase in one sentence, and then repeat it in the next (i.e in the second segment, saying they exchanged dreams in whispers, and then in the next line Katy told them something in whispers) and I'm just taking notice of that because my old highschool English teacher would've warned me not to do that, but I'm aware that it could just be a stylistic choice for you, and that you know that you're doing it.

Anyway, really good fic. Thank you for writing this!
papaya-san chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
Whoa, man. That was good. :)
littlekittyblair chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
this was a great story i absolutely loved it..but why is it rated m? there isnt much m rated stuff. just bitch O.o
Alik Takeda chapter 1 . 5/20/2011
I luv this story. All cards down.
Lueur-de-L'aube chapter 1 . 1/6/2011
I love this story. I have to agree with the previous reviewer and say that this is absolutely amazing and fantastic. I love how Liz always looks out for Patti, it is so adorable despite the miserable circumstances they are in. She nevertheless manages to watch out for her, although she is still young but shows thus such determination and strength and doesn't let herself stray away and makes the decision to take the chance to start anew to make it right this time.

Although I am not very well versed with card games and Poker (being the one being often referenced here, I think), I did notice the antalogies to it. I'm sure the mention that the Queen of Hearts is based on a real queen can't be a coincidence, since it is said to be a representation of the queen consort of Henry VII, Elizabeth of York.

I love how you made the end uplifting and hopeful with Liz ready to make the best of this new start and how she realizes the growth in Patti. She does not see her simply as her little sister she has to look out for and who needs constant protection but also as a companion, a fellow queen by her side.
Nenena chapter 1 . 12/16/2010
This is absolutely amazing. I love everything about this fic, not the least of which is that you gave Liz a fully-realized life and (gasp!) relationships with other girls when she was living on the streets. I think you absolutely nailed her character and nothing about the way that you portrayed her life strikes me as unrealistic or overly romanticized, either. Fantastic fic!