|Reviews for Don't Leave|
| Isuzu Hime chapter 1 . 12/21/2010
Well written! I liked it
| Poppicake chapter 1 . 12/16/2010
ohhhh i love it!
Please keep writing!
| RodentFace chapter 1 . 12/15/2010
Love and hugs do in fact equal reviews. Nice story.
| Moonlit Lightning chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
Okay, WOW... this is without a doubt one of the best one-shots I've read in a long time. For starters, your characterization was really good; Hermione would of course be concerned about their responsibilities like school and cleanup, and Ron would tactlessly mention funerals. The line about Mrs. Weasley wanting to inspect them was really true, amusing, and something that I can just picture Ron saying. I especially liked the way that Harry automatically drew his wand when he saw the door open, because that shows the effect this war has had on him. I feel like a lot of authors overlook that, and it's nice to see that you're keeping that in mind. Same goes for Harry's realization that he and his friends are all so young. I also enjoyed your references to Potter Watch and Hermione's parents, because they seem to be often-forgotten nuances of the book.
The only complaints I really have regarding your story are about mechanics. You could use a few more commas- for example, in sentences structured like ""We should sleep," Harry said looking at the two.", there should be a comma after "said", because it's a separate thought. Same goes for "Don't be an idiot Ron" (there should be a comma before "Ron"). Additionally, when you have a sentence before dialogue that's a separate thought, you need a period (not a comma) at the end of it. For example, "Ron turned to Harry, "Where…"" should have a period after "Harry". You also had a few run-on sentences (I particularly noticed the one beginning "When the plates" and ending "eat or drink more"). One trick for getting around this is reading what you've written aloud; if you run out of breath or the sentence doesn't flow logically, you should probably make separate sentences or use a semicolon somewhere.
A very minor thing to work on is just going through and checking for little errors- you were really good about this almost 100% of the time, but the line "the soup bowels" made me crack up, and "order" (as in Order of the Phoenix) should be capitalized.
On that note, I’d like to refer you to a creative roleplaying site called Rocky Mountain International (rmimagic .com). It's a great place to work on things like mechanics, utilize your awesome characterization, and have a lot of fun in the HP sort-of-universe too. You should definitely check it out. :-)
| Livvyladybug chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
i thought this was so sweet and very wise.
| Lenners chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
I really like this. It's sweet, and it's pretty much the same how I imagined it in my head.
| H o r i z o n s chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
Awww that was so sweet, but sad at the same time :)
| every-rose-has-a-thorn chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
aweh (: Thats cute. Are you writing any more of the story? :)
| Emzilla101 chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
I really liked it! Really well written :)
| Angel-of-Cake chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
Great! I always wondered what happened after the final battle and this pretty much seemed to sum it up. Loved the ending, especially!
| Just-As-Loony-As-Luna chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
awww loved it ) xx