|Reviews for Obsolescence|
| Shifuni chapter 5 . 2/6/2011
I wonder why Sasuke would take her.
| Shifuni chapter 4 . 1/17/2011
Awesome, so that means taht Sasuke kissed Keiko and he is saying bascially that his emotions of Keiko has caught up. Wow. Anyways Great Chapter and I can't wait for the next one!
| Shifuni chapter 3 . 1/17/2011
Well, Sasuke and Keiko are buddy buddy.
| Shifuni chapter 2 . 1/17/2011
YES! Orochimaru needs to die anyways!
| Shifuni chapter 1 . 1/17/2011
| Haroula chapter 4 . 1/7/2011
Most of the time, when they kiss so soon in the story it doesn't seem right, but i liked how you worked with 'it'. :D
| Winter Violet chapter 4 . 1/4/2011
Hm, very interesting so far! I hope you don't mind I read through each chapter before reviewing; they were fairly short, and I was drawn into the action :)
One quick note before I talk about the major characters and plot: I actually think that you could do without the teaser. It gives some attention-getting information and insight into the story, but it also seems to give away important parts of the plot, too. Maybe one brief flash-forward would be a better opening? Of one pivotal future scene?
Anyways, on to specific comments! I like what I've seen of Keiko. She is a complex original character, it seems, and those are the best kind. I like her ambivalence towards her mission and those around her. I vote that you hang onto this sense of interest/aversion duty/regret throughout the piece-it is fascinating to read :)
I'm not entirely sure about your characterization of Sasuke; he seems to be investing too much into Keiko. The kiss test especially through me for a loop. That's rather intimate for the cold, detached Sasuke I am used to reading. I'm also not sure she'd be able to win his trust so implicitly; we might need more backstory to accept that part of their relationship.
I love your depiction of Kabuto so far. He's a little unsure about how to handle Sasuke, but he wants to make absolutely sure Orochimaru's life is saved. Interesting that he, too, trusts Keiko so much. If there is one major weakness in the plot so far, I think this is it-she doesn't seem to trust them; why would they trust her?
Anyway, I hope that bit of analysis/questioning is helpful to you. I really like the first-person narrative and your descriptions (you have some lovely lines and images), and the story promises to be engaging. Very nice work so far, and best of luck as you continue writing this piece :)
| Haroula chapter 3 . 12/26/2010
Oh, man. You did not put too much into to this, i actually think it's perfect how it is.
| Haroula chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Oooh, i'm already in love with this!
Also, (just to make sure) when it was said "It was also regardless" did you perhaps mean 'irrelevant'?
| Haroula chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
This sounds like it's going to be something good. :)
| QueenoftheKill chapter 1 . 12/14/2010
First review YAY! Loving the teaser. Is your OC originally a Kohona nin? But it sounds really put together can't wait for tour real first chapter!