|Reviews for For The Love Of|
| Brytte Mystere chapter 3 . 4/30
They're so cute together! Hope lil' babe looks like Harley, though...
| MinakoTrickster chapter 3 . 2/27/2012
Oooh, oooh, I am interested in seeing how this search progresses and what more we an see of Harley in her growth of motherhood.
It won't be easy, but many women have taken the protection of their child seriously over their own wants and needs. Harley strikes me as that girl, especially as she has done several (in the cartoon and comics) especially gold hearted that has lead to her being in trouble with the Joker and taking the punishment.
I hope to see more soon.
| SerenaPotterSailorMoon chapter 3 . 1/10/2012
Aww! I love Bruce and Harley! So adorable together! I think they're the greatest pair ever! Plz continue this! It's Sooooooo amazing! I love it!
| moonpetals16 chapter 3 . 12/31/2011
wonderful start! i'm so curious to see where this story goes! please continue! and try not to take toooo long between updates pretty please ) i liked bruce, i thought maybe he would've been more suspicious of harley in order to separate himself more from batman (to protect his identity and all). can't wait for more!
| Potatonion chapter 3 . 12/30/2011
| WritingSchizo101 chapter 2 . 2/3/2011
I'm glad to finally get the chance to review this. Yay! I must say, it is a pleasure to Beta this story and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I think, with more frequent updates, like every few weeks or so, you'll get a solid fanbase. :)
On to the review (mostly praise, I'm sure, since I've already Betaed):
Though I'm anxious to see how Harley is fairing under the protection of her enemy, I like this chapter. We needed to see how the Joker reacted, though any fan would know he'd be annoyed- losing Harley is like misplacing a favorite knife.
The Joker knows something is wrong, of course, as he should. He doesn't realize there isn't a lovely jester humming and giggling around the house- but he will. :) The bit with the floorboards was great because it shows that no matter how much money he was, he sure as hell doesn't care, and wouldn't bother using it on something as trivial as improving his home. Besides, I think house-restoration is more Harley's job if she'll bother with it. It also shows- for those who don't know- his sadistic nature. He likes the sounds the floorboards make because they remind him of past tortures. I like how Harley puts the letter in the middle of the bed. lol! Cute. And I like the word 'plucked' since it seems like a happy, carefree word and it fits him so well in this situation.
'Mistah J'- This is how she spells it. lol! So cute and it gives her a childlike quality I love.
'This was a mystery he had here in his hands. A wonderful mystery; a chase. The promise of game, one she'd created just for him,made him laugh.'- I love his reaction. Perfect. Slightly annoyed and amused at losing his toy, but thrilled at the game it presents.
I'm adding an 'a' and a space between 'him' and 'made'. Corrections: The promise of (a) game, one she'd created just for (him, made) him laugh.
Ah, if the Joker can find something funny, deadly thoughts must be running through his head. :D
You need a space here, before 'he': "Oh (Harleeeeey," he) growled, disapproving.
'He was not at all happy with his girl.'- Love this! The warning is casual, but very threatening. And the possession he shows so freely ("his girl") is perfect, too, in a terrifying way.
'Something must have happened; someone must have gotten to her.'- Even HE knows she would never leave him willingly.
I love this wording as well, but you also need spaces. No big deal: Some idiot (spoilt his) fun, (ruined his) toy.
Another space to be added here. I think you have a little format error, but it's no trouble: 'He giggled a little as he remembered the few times they'd done that, (the fun) she had provided him with.'
'She and the Batman were the only ones who could bring him enjoyment on a daily basis. Sure, the people he killed, they brought him some pleasure. That was only a one-time thing though, because it was their death he liked, nothing else. Harley and the Bat though, they lived and they made his life worth living every single day, the both of them.'- I enjoy this part because I feel it's important to see how the joker views things, as well as people. Harley and the Bat are kept alive because they're fun, they're interesting, and they give him meaning. After all, take them away and what is he? Nothing. Where's the fun in that? I do like how he gets minimal joy out of killing, how he makes clear he likes nothing other than their death. Very nice and an original concept to point out among other villians.
Correction: 'Something needed to be done about this— (she) had rebelled against him a few times before and every time he beat her down, showed the girl her place: on the ground with her blood on his gloved hands.'
You're missing a few words here: 'He paced the room slowly, looking round in search of any objects left behind, or to confirm if (what) she had indeed taken would help him learn the aim of this flight of hers. It didn't take long to deduce how little she'd actually taken(, for the only thing missing was her) black bag— and herself, of course.'
Wearing your costume while tyou're on the run isn't exactly the smartest thing to do. Who wouldn't notice her? It only shows how desperate she was to get out of there, so that must tell him something. Sadly, I think he's too aggitated to realize she left in a hurry for a reason! He does mention that, though, so I assume he'll figure it out soon, why she left on her own.
You need a space here: 'He took note (of the) missing costume, knowing if she hadn't bothered to leave it behind, she was still wearing it.'
I love how condesending this is! He even calls he by her full clown character name, which is a nice touch considering he pratically created her in the first place. There we go again with the 'his' stuff. Perfect! "That should make her so much easier to find, his little Harlequin."
The bit about the escape route was interesting. It makes sense that he would appreciate an open door. :)
The henchmen. What a way to wake up! lol! I really think they're there for entertainment purposes only since they don't seem to be of any real use to him. Perhaps he simple enjoys the way they are just TERRIFIED of him! :D Anyway, I like how he reacts to the sleeping guy. It seems violence solves everything. :P
"Get out, and don't come back till I say," he snarled, the laughter gone instantly. He didn't need to speak loudly.'- This is part of what makes him so frightening. Both the laughter and the menace are genuine, but you won't like either and you don't know when he'll swift. That's part of what makes him so interesting, his quick mood shifts.
Ha ha! The henchman doesn't seem very bright- fitting. :) If he were bright or interesting, the Joker wouldn't send him away.
I love how he says her name when he pulls out the knife. Something tells me the particular knife is for her alone. That'd be cool.
'He grinned, brandishing the knife through the air, imagining the expression on Harley's face, those bright blue eyes wide with fear. It was such a delicious expression, and he loved seeing it on her perfection.'- Love this, too. It's just usch a beautifully wicked thing and this quote sums up their relationship well, or at least, most of what he feels for her! The part about her eyes really worked well and shows her innocence and the power he has over her. Him calling it 'delicious' was perfect, as is him mentioning how he likes the fear on 'her perfection' is fantastic! :)
Correction: 'she (dared to) leave without his consent, without being told to.'
Correction: "Naughty, naughty," he said, (holding out) his arm and drawing the blade along the length of it.'
"Naughty, naughty"- Like scolding a child. Great choice of words!
I like how he DOES feel the pain, but ignores it. It adds a lot to this piece, much more than not mentioning the pain would. The Joker is sadomasochistic. Therefore, this reference of both himself and others pain is great.
Correction: 'He placed his arm against the rough surface and dragged it along, smearing (blood on)the peeling plaster.'
"So I can always have a Smile on my face," he said to himself, as he took a step back and examined his handiwork.'- You should remove the comma before 'as'. Otherwise, this is perfect! We all know how much the Joker likes to smile. Capitalizing it was a nice touch, too, since it's such an important word.
The same goes for 'ha ha' on the wall. Awesome! :) His explanation for it was fitting as well, the force everyone to remember the joke- including himself. He's very in character and I'm so glad you aren't shying away from how dysfuctional the relationship is!
'Her blood would complete the work. Such a shame she wouldn't get to see it.'- Possibly the most frightening threat ever, made even better by the way he didn't outright state his plan to kill her. Love it!
Very cool, this chapter! Can't wait for more, so please send something else to Beta soon. I'm very excited to see how Harley is taken care of by both men and how she'll handle being protected by a man she's tried to kill on many occasions.
Grade: Mid A
| Potatonion chapter 1 . 12/23/2010
This story is very interesting. I'm very curious to know what happens in the next chapter. Please continue.
| WritingSchizo101 chapter 1 . 12/21/2010
Here's my first review for you, done as I read:
Don't try so hard. We know she's running and you can cover this in one or two sentences tops. You don't even have to actually TELL us she's running. You can show it. Write about how her muscles ache, how the blood rushes in her ears, how her shoes make clicking sounds as they hit the pavement.
I like the first sentence, but I think, after that, you should add in some of showy stuff I just went over. I'd imagine there'd also be something like this: Her muscles burned, legs screaming at her to STOP- but she wasn't in any posistion to do so.
See? Simple is better. You can tell in two senteces what you have in four.
With a bit of tweaking, this could be quite a pleasing sentence. Like so: She would live with him, work for him(,) even love him- but now?
Or you could change 'but now?' to 'but not anymore. It is the same, though. Just a suggestion.
I'd take the 'now' out of the sentence, as you have it in the previous one. In fact, I'd take it out entirely: 'She could not do it anymore now.'
Simple is better: The game had changed(remove comma) and the stakes were higher than (ever before).
I really like the use of 'Mistah J' here, as it gives the reader a sense of Harley's voice- coincidentaly, I am also talking about her physicial one. lol! Good job adding that in. Nice touch. But something must be REALLY bad to tear Harley away from her Joker. I'm intrigued by the premise of the story already. :)
'No matter what she felt for him, she wasn't entirely stupid. Her life was in greater danger than ever before, and it wasn't just her own anymore.' These are my favorite sentence so far. They say so much about the situation, which is what I've been trying to get you to do all along. We now know that, despite her love, Harley is smart enough to get away- a fact I find very important. What could wake her up so much? There's also a new ddevelopment here: another life at stake. Who could that be?
Good, you've mentioned the muslcles, so in my suggestion ealier, I'd use another physical trait. Her lungs, for instance.
I love her thoughts- Run, gotta run, keep running. But you forgot a period behind them. Anyway I like how they're a continuous stream and only set off by commas. It may or may not have been a mistake on your part, but either way, good job.
Change the word thought to contemplated, or something: As she (sprinted,) Harley (contemplated) what had led her to this, and where she would go.
These are actually two sentences, so you cannot join them only with a comma. You need a semi-colin or a dash. Or you could just split them into two whole sentences. I like: She couldn't go to Red(;) Mistah J would find her there for sure.
Also, this is a personal preffernece, but I think it would read better if it were done like this: She couldn't go to Red, (for) Mistah J would (surely find her).
And who might Red be? Ivy? Someone else? I haven't seen the full show yet, so I'm unaware of the nickname she's got for Ivy. :) My guess is as good as any, though. Sounds like a nickname Harley would give.
Either reword it so it doesn't have the word 'safe' again or remove it: She needed to find someone to keep her safe.
I enjoy how you mentioned rain soaking through her trademark costume, and then justify the weather report with her tears. Nice way of letting us know she's in full costume. So, she's likely only JUST run off, otherwise, she may have changed clothes and broken that connection with her old life before she left. It had to be something prettty bad to make her leave, let alone with such urgency and fear of her beloved.
You use 'felt' too many times here. Corrections shown: Her heart felt as though it was breaking, and (everything about what she was doing screamed 'wrong'). As if she (were) a traitor(. And, in a way,) she was.
I reworded a few things so you wouldn't have 'felt' so many times. I also split the last part into two sentences, to let it pack a harder punch. :)
I like the use of 'toyed' with the idea about the car. :) Again, must be a pretty bad situation, then.
Corrections: That would be (counter-productive) (though, for obvious reasons.)
I removed the space you had between the sah and 'productive' as it's all connected by that dash. I also reworded the last part because I felt, not only was the previous stuff a mouthful, but after reading a little ahead, I see you've got 'to say the least' again.
I see you have the part about her feet on the concrete, too. Nice. Anyway, I think, becuase you're spreading out the running description, you should limit the opening running-lines to just one.
'The way (Harley'd) seen it, she had two options.'
'turn herself (in to) Commissioner Gorden.' The words would be seperated here, otherwise it implies that she's not handing herself in, but actually transforming into Gorden. We know what you meant, though, and we don't like this option any more than she does.
'That would certainly shock them(,) to say the least.' I'll bet it would! :d See that comma, there?
'She could turn herself (in to) Batman.'
Very in character and well worded, I think: The flying rat. Harley scrunched her face up at the thought. Those were her options. They weren't great, but they were her options. How to decide between them though; that was the big question. It really all came down to who would offer her the best protection from the Joker. Harley knew the answer to that one.
Harley, honey, what did he do to you?
I like the way she pauses in an alleyway. Maybe the best protection she could find. This sentence was intriguing to me: 'She placed her hand just below her stomach, decision now made.' Why the detail? Is she . . . no. Surely not.
She's a smart girl, shooting like that to get his attention. I like the focus on the bullets and the way that comes out not only in her thoughts, but in your wording ('pulled the trigger once, twice, thrice.') Well done. Seems she needs this focus now, I love seeing our Harley intense and ready like this. Focused. :)
Thank you for not outright telling us who she was trying to summon. We could guess. :)
'Then a black shape descended from the roof and Harley had to clamp a hand over her mouth to suppress a squeal of fright. Even now she was frightened.' Poor girl. She must be some desperate to use up all her bullets only to attract the attention of someone who so obviously terrifies her.
'her bag with other equipment in it (following shortly afterward).
"What do you want Quinn?" (he) asked, his voice a deep rasp.' After quotations you'll either have a period or a question mark, meaning the dialog tag (he said/she said) will always be lowercase.
So, Harley is just as curious as everyone else? About his voice and idenity? I love how you mentioned this, because it sheds a new light on Harley. I never thought of her wondering this before. Amazing what this does for her character. :d Well done!
Glad he knew not to attack her! He senses her fright and knows she must want something or she'd have pulled the gun on him. Smart, Bruce.
"I need help." (She hoped he)could hear her over the sound of the rain.
Ha ha: Well, he was probably HOPING that she was meaning psychological help.
You can write 'HOPING' normaly, while still keeping the stress of it. Just put it in italics.
'That wasn't what was she was asking (. . .) for now.' I think the pause makes it more meaningful.
"Turn yourself in then(,)" Batman replied.' See the comma?
'still that deep, husky rasp (which lacked )any particular (tone.)'
'cried out' doesn't sit well with me. Plus, you forgot a period at the end of the dialog. I say replace it with an exclaimation point and you don't even need a dialog tag, considering we already know who's speaking: "I can't. I need your help Batman(!)" (The)words left a bitter taste in her mouth.
I also think italics on 'your' would be effective here. Also, seeems Harley still has hard feelings toward Batman and all the trouble he's caused the Joker. She must feel so confused right now. If he does indeed help her, everything will be topyturvy!
'That' isn't needed most of the time. Remove the second one, like this: but that didn't (mean she) had to like it.
I'd move these two paragraphs together. So it'd look like: 'didn't mean she had to like it. (When he said nothing, Harley continued, rushing her words, praying he could understand.) "You can offer me better protection than Gotham PD can. You know this, and I know it. There is no use pretending otherwise(, right?)" She was at the end of her tether. This was really it. ("Right?")
I added the 'right?' at the end, thinkiing it might add more tension.
I'd bring in some action-dialog-tags. Like:
(Batman remained motionless for a moment.) "Protection from (whom)?" (he asked finally).
'Again, Harley couldn't be sure(,) but she suspected (him of) deliberately drawing (out this) this whole engagement in some attempt' I'm curious, though, how would this make her feel like a normal person? What does that accomplish? I'd like to see what's going on there.
I like how she almost calls him 'Mistah J'. lol!
'I know he will(!)" Harley (cried), unable'
Rewording: He’d hurt her before. He’d left her before. Even when they’d been through so much together, they’d never experienced anything like this. Without a second’s hesitation, he’d kill her. He said as much to her before.
"Why?" The Batman (asked casualy). Harley, now quite sure was dragging this out for his own amusement, became aggitated. It was taking up her time'
'before the Joker (realized) (her absence and began hunting her.)'
"I'm pregnant(,)" I knew it! Wow!
'big(,) strong girl,' These words remind me of a child. It's as if she thinks he'll hit her. :(
'at the (black-gloved) hand(, then back up) into Batman's (mask).
'(,) as always(,)'
'(She and) her little baby might'
Grade: Low A
| Limplict chapter 1 . 12/15/2010
Pretty interesting first chappie! Please update soon :D