Reviews for In Flight
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 27 . 7/18/2023
A bit weird. Like, secrets out. Uh, again. But there’s not much reason for Shirou to tell Miya and Uzume about the extent of his abilities. Maybe Miya warn Miya that the average magus has ethical standards so low they’re a tripping hazard for hell, but that’s the most I can logically justify. Otherwise, it’sjist strange to tell people that much more.
It’s just a lot of exposition. Written surprisingly well, and somewhat accurately, but still: exposition.
There were some funny character moments still. And every scene with Karasuba tends go be good. So overall a decent chapter.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 26 . 7/18/2023
This chapter was mostly fine. It was written pretty well. It’s just the issues with the cause and previous chapters and other things that I’m not a fan of, as I mentioned before. This is mainly just a continuance of that.
Matsu did have a strong defining moment here though, which is neat. So did a few others too. Overall I have my complaints, but they more objective ones are more about the story itself and its developments; a bit of the execution as well, but still I’m mostly positive.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 25 . 7/17/2023
You really just decided to start dropping bombshells and barely letting the dust settle. Nobody really reacts that much to Shirou’s (at least half fake) story. Tsukiumi sorta does, and she does get some nice characterization here, which I like. But the development of the HGW’s semi-reveal didn’t have much impact. And a good chunk of the stuff around the fake parts become irrelevant by the Fraga blowing open that can of worms almost immediately after. It’s like “alright the true story is blackmail scheme” next chapter “and they believed me” next chapter “I lied, true story is Illuminati sponsored tournament” next chapter “and they believed me” next chapter “I lied, the true story is actually magic Illuminatin sponsored tourmament”. I get whiplash. The plot points, while possible (and perhaps even probable) don’t have room to breathe.

I did like the actual fight. Showed off how the Fraga was able to stand up to all the varied Sekirei. The Fragarach part has already been picked to death, so I’ll just assume Kaleidoscope and move on. And like I said there were also a few smaller good moments for characters like Kazehana, Matsu, Tsukiumi, etc.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 24 . 7/17/2023
This was a bit messy. Convoluted, contrived. It was very sudden as well. It had some good writing and fun parts here and there, but the plot developments themselves have some issues.

Matsu didn’t have a reason to look through Shirou’s past, what with the current game. Let alone try and... get the others to pressure Shirou into explaining his past by telling everyone what little she could find? Is that what her plan was? And it worked?
I mean, I think I can come up with semi-logical reasonings for how things developed this way; y’know, what sort of thought processes lead to Matsu thinking this was a good idea, and what thought processes made Shirou believe spinning this yarn of the Grail war and the beans of his Sekirei Plan plans.
But while I can think of possible explanations for the motivations of fhe characters, that’s not the reader’s job.

And the whole fake war explanation is in a similar situation to Shirou’s previous explanation with Medea. He doesn’t have a reason to tell them that much. The story is accurate enough without being true which makes it kinda weird that Shirou was able think of it on the fly.
These two semi-fake-explanations of his past are overall just unexpected, unexplained, and inviting later confusion and overcomplexity.

Finally, Shirou’s stuff on the game itself is also... I’m assuming to be divisive. OOC, or whatever. That one I can ignore, even if it’s weird that he would also tell everyone about them.
Guest chapter 44 . 7/16/2023
Well I abstained giving a review till I finished this and I must say this is stupid no offense
Shirou is not acting like shirou so a SINO fic
And this thing that really bothered me "sekirei are as strong as servants" wtf like seriously ? Well this is kinda childish and I am sounding like those "can he beat goku thou?" Degenerate but that is crucial in fiction to respect levels of power I think
And I'm glad you tried to respect the events of the anime but there are many asspulls but forgivable
So anyway in my humble opinion this fic is 5 out of 10
And it's pretty good pass time
God feel like an ass writing all this
Barbatus Lupus Rex chapter 2 . 7/16/2023
I feel bad for emiya, really if this isn’t a crossover i bet he would waste his life as a mercenary just like kiritsugu, and spend most of his life in the middle east. I don’t know if he will make a contract with alaya, but if the archer in his holy grail is EMIYA then probably not
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 23 . 7/16/2023
Nice chapter. Good way to explore some of the unknowns of the Sekirei. The winging wasn’t graphic or trashy which was a pleasant surprise. Honestly, I think the whole thing was handled very well. Good job.
The underlying mechanics of the situation is very complicated, and Shirou, as we know, isn’t the best researcher. That it worked is pure plot coincodence, but checks out.
Also, Matsu is great here too.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 22 . 7/15/2023
This chapter is definately interesting. Getting the backstory of how Shirou got the designation was nice and it mostly makes sense.
How Shirou explained the Medea mess was... interesting. And also a bit too, IDK, clever(?) of an improved story to come from him. And having him make up the whole web of lies for some pretty weak reasoning was strange.
As an aside, I’m not the biggest fan of your A.N.s being at the start of the chapter. It just kinda disrupts the flow of things too.
Otherwise, the harem shenanigans were still pretty enjoyable. Despite there being so many characters you avoided making most of them one note archetypes. Not by an extreme amount, but it is still nice they have a bit more depth than a puddle.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 21 . 7/14/2023
And plot things are once again happening.
I could make complaints about tonnes of things. “This isn’t lore accurate!”, “this is OOC!”, “why didn’t they do this?”, “doing that makes no sense!”, “this had too little detail and that too much!”, “this is just poorly written!”, etc. etc. etc.
But criticisms like those are, in some ways, from a certain point of view, really just on the same level as complaints such as “this is spelt incorrectly”. And if you were a professional writer, they would be valid. But as it is this story still has it’s strengths, and they outweigh the weaknesses. In my opinion, at least.
I like the way Homura and Akitsu are being written. Matsu and Tsukiumi have several good things of note. Kuusano and Musabi are kind of flat though. And seeing how all of the large cast interact is fun. It helps these slower chapters feel interesting.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 19 . 7/11/2023
This was a filler chapter for the most part but I liked it. A few complaints, but nothing groundbreaking.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 18 . 7/10/2023
This chapter was pretty good. Karasuba and Musabi were interesting, though I have heard some people complain about the distortion bit. That said, it’s not like she was necessarily a... concrete character in the original canon, so making a change isn’t very drastic.
All in all though, this was a good bit of filler. Not too many points of complaint.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 16 . 7/10/2023
I liked this chapter. It does a good job setting the status quo before it gets disrupted and things get shaken up. I wouldn’t say it necessarily creates stakes, but it adds some depth to the setting.
You honestly covered a fair number of relevant points in the author’s notes. There are still of course some issues. But this and the last few chapters are really what you see the influence of in lots of other fanfics. It’s honestly fascinating to read the start of several concepts that are so widespread.
There are tonnes of stuff I could talk about, but they’d either be subjective things like writing style, nitpicks like grammar and spelling, or redundant and discussed to death things like lore.
So instead I’ll just say I enjoyed this chapter, and that Akitsu is very cool (heh).
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 15 . 7/6/2023
The, ahem, signature writing style for combat you have. It almost reads like a stageplay script. Repel the kicker, dodge the spearer, strike the spearer(glancing hit), dodge and counter attack the kicker(kicker dodges), defend against simultaneous attacks(damaging both).
It still functions fine. It makes the otherwise chaotic and complicated and honestly messy fight that would be simple enough to show in a visual medium relatively easy to visualize and lays it out fairly well. Of course, this makes it incredibly long, and perhaps done too far, but that’s a subjective thing, and can again be simply viewed as your “style” of writing. And there’re certainly writers that do similar things in higher, lower, or inconsistently switching levels of detail for their own works, at differing levels of actual quality and extent of explaining.
The action aside, some may have complaints about Shirou, that are likely accurate and fair. But he still repeatedly refers to them as Types; inaccurately, but placing clearly seeing them as the same or similar to the DA. In which case, some of Shirou’s reasonings and actions are believable to be somewhat in character. The fact that Shirou would probably be willing to trust and marry any “nice” DA he came across despite the plethora of empirical evidence to that being a bad idea is VERY in character as well.
There are a few other things, but they’re minor. I like Tsukiumi being called a tsundere, Homura is used less than I want, Yukari is fun, etc.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 13 . 7/4/2023
How the whole fallout of the revelation and Shirou’s response was made pretty well.
And the whole Tsukiumi bit was funny as well.
There are several pitfalls of subjectively bad writing that you have pretty frequently; if you were more consistent with these points, it’d just become a writing style. But you bounce back and forth a bit much. Not that you are a professional writer or anything, so it’s not a big detractor from the fanfiction.
Lawn Chair Reviews chapter 12 . 7/4/2023
Shirou missing all the signs is very on brand. He’s not the sharpest sword in the reality marble.
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