|Reviews for In Flight|
| Mechatrill chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Just a thought:
According to your story, Sekirei Magical Beings.
Thus, wouldn't that mean that "Winging" can be considered something like a magical contract?
Rule Breaker can nullify any magical contract.
Therefore, Rule Breaker is capable of "unwinging" any Sekirei it strikes.
Thus, wouldn't that means Shirou could literally steal other people's Sekirei?
Could be interesting...
| Claude chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Sorry, scatterbrained and forgot to add these thoughts to the last entry.
Takami obviously knows that Shin Tokyo is going to become a warzone. In the original, I read in her a desire for Minato to "man up", so throwing him to the birds there isn't as implausible, but Shirou is the long-lost son thought dead - this is a significant risk, whether he is an ashikabi himself, or just caught in the crossfire.
That said, she may not be able to adequately explain why Shin Tokyo is about to become a battleground due to MBI, plus it leaves him in relatively close proximity to her.
Shirou's internal thought that it was better for Takami to think him a drug-runner than know he's a mage is quite amusing (and probably wise).
| Rc1212 chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Awesome story so far, I'm sure it'll be epic if your last story "Hill of Swords" is anything to go by. Can't wait to see what happens when his past catches up. Hey, just have to ask, but are you gonna redue the joke about him being too much for anyone woman from HOS? Would love to see what happens if rumors like that reached Rin and Saber. Looking forward to seeing the next chapter and more of your awesome work!
| Claude chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Your spelling/grammar is improving! Fewer errors than in Hill of Swords.
That said, great job! Had to marathon Sekirei upon finding this fic.
An early alliance with Homura should be interesting, if it happens. Homura's goal of protecting unwinged Sekirei, and his desire to take down Minaka, as the orchestrator of this farce, should sync up well with the ideals of this new "ally of justice" protagonist.
Good to see Akitsu finding a good home, so to say. On that note, I can see Shirou being particularly enthusiastic about the housework opportunities at the Izumo Inn. Doubt Miya would chase him out, since she seems to like coercing the residents to help, but maybe for the comedy.
I do think that the intro was well handled. Takami was suitably shaken up, though Shirou could have used a little more, I think.
The MBI gene-scanner sounds more than plausible for airport security, as does the idea of the Sekirei outputting magical energy, and consequently Shirou using that as interference. On the other hand, this might be cause for the Mage Association to take a little closer look at their oft-ignored Far East territories. I can think of two assignees, possibly out of favor with the Watch Tower and possibly with their own agendas, who would be most interested in volunteering - or being forcibly volunteered, as the case may be.
Shirou calling his mother Takami is kind of awkward, but I can't really conceive of any other option. Adding suffixes to her first name or shifting to last name would both be far too distant for her to be pleased at all. "Mother" is to be carefully rationed to calm or persuade her, at least until it becomes more comfortable for Shirou.
I noticed during Hill of Swords, you tend to "translate" the crossover material into Nasu terminology - probably since Nasu has the relevant terminology, while the crossover material is far more casual about it. Will you be doing this again? I don't recall much more than Minaka babbling about Japanese myths as far as technical terminology goes, but by the ready description of Sekirei and their tripping of Shirou's senses, I imagine you've already got this in mind.
Imagining that Shirou might be less inclined to use Norito, if, as others have predicted, it acts similarly to a contract. Unlike Minato, Shirou actually has means and reasons to use his own od, rather than siphoning it off to his sekirei.
Lastly, looking forward to more chapters, the Mage Association crashing the party, and winged-status hijinks caused and/or solved by Rule Breaker!
| Jimm chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
"...had wondered pretty far..." wondered - wandered
Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
| TheDivineDemon chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
seems to be doing good so far. I look forward to this story but I'm also wondering what the hell is going on with clock tower and Rin and Saber
| Logan- Murder of Crows chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Good on you for giving Akitsu a good home.
You've got to include a speech on how "Winging is not equal to love" and how it is a "fake connection meant to control Sekirei". The acceptance of the whole convention bothered me, when it's something that I would rage against in the same scenario. "It's not love. It's a drug meant to make you feel like you're in love. It's a cheap substitute for the real thing that can't even compare!" Obviously, the naive Sekirei he's browbeating will object "No, it's real! My Ashikabi loves me!"
"The fact that s/he returns your love means it's true love. Not winging. Do you think that someone like Mikogami loves his Sekirei?"
Also, I dislike Musubi. I wish you didn't have to involve her. She's hardly a character at all to me, more like a little annoying animal with giant boobs. Her naivete is supposed to be endearing, but as a main heroine (THE main heroine) it's just annoying. If only you could "put her on a bus"... and then drive the "bus" off a cliff. Or maybe make "Yume" the dominant personality, she's not so annoying...
As for the other characters...
Homura should get along well with Shirou... once he gets over his reaction to Shirou. If Shirou decides to run around "in costume" as a hero, it would be interesting for them to interact... the Knight of a Thousand Swords and the Protector of Sekirei... Houmura should get along well with Shirou anyway, because he's generally nice and much more respectable and reliable than Minato ever was... so he shouldn't have as many problems accepting the inborn desire to be winged by him, which would in turn cause him to reject it even more out of panic. Hilarity ensues.
Kusano'll adore him. And he'll adore Kusano. No question there.
Tsukiumi... well, she's at least a better character than Musubi. Too much of a hardcore tsundere for me. But Shirou'll straighten her out.
Matsu... well, she'll take anyone as long as they're cute and they won't sell her out to MBI.
Kazehana? Oh boy. She'll take one look at Shirou and his manly actions and that'll be it. "Minaka? ...Who's that? I don't remember." Oh yeah, she'll be all over him real fast, especially once he does something Emiya Shirou "I am the bone of my sword"-like. That amount of raw manliness would get her totally "revved up"... I wouldn't be surprised if she was the second Sekirei to find him, actually...
So, Yukari is already fond of Shirou? So he must have impressed her if she's crushing on him? I'm not too surprised, because he's got the experience to stand up to Takami, something not even she can do, without seeming like a brat or a punk. That would impress her.
...Well, if she's not exactly fond of him yet, and "enthusiastic" means something different... which I can also see happening. I would have thought she would have reacted with shock and not accepted him... not having grown up with a brother, having different conceptions of men, possibly not trusting him at all... although, he could just be her type, or she could just be "weird".
It would be funny (and appropriate) if Shirou attracted additional attention from other Sekirei... especially if he came to her aid incognito as the "Knight", a white-cloaked mysterious hero. Said Sekirei (possibly one of the unimportant ones, or an OC, or someone like No. 55 "Saki", the hot little number who was only mentioned in material at the end of a chapter- I'm pretty fond of her, mostly because she's hot and her "figure" isn't ridiculous like the majority of the main heroines...) who would have been attacked three-on-one, and things seemed hopeless for her as she was overwhelmed by multiple attackers with no aid coming her way... and then they're suddenly assaulted by a volley of arrows! An unknown man wielding a bow who drives them off with a sudden unexpected, withering barrage of arrows! Getting a strong reaction to him even from a distance, the saved girl tries to track the mysterious savior but is unable to find him before he slips away. But you know she'll spend all her time searching for her "valiant knight". Suppose she finds him in the daytime as he's going about his business as himself, and gets the same reaction? Hilarity ensues as she rushes up and plasters herself to the very confused Shirou, practically bursting about how she "found her knight" and nearly exposing his secret identity to all the confused and/or amused people in the crowd.
If Shirou does snoop around incognito as a "knight" it might be very possible for everyone to mistake him for some kind of unknown, secret Sekirei, the "Sekirei Knight".
"Why did you three fail me?"
"There was some guy who interrupted us!"
"One man? I find that hard to believe. Why didn't you drive him off?"
"Well, he was shooting arrows at us! Lots of arrows, and fast! It was hard to dodge!"
"...He fought you...? Was he... a Sekirei?"
"I don't know! He wasn't one I've ever seen or heard of, but he couldn't have been human! He was way too fast to be a human!"
Well, I thought the "Sekirei Knight" was a good idea, anyway. You may not agree. Your mileage may vary.
Most of the Sekirei can't really compare to even Emiya Shirou in terms of ability, and certainly not experience... This makes for a very interesting scenario! Also, Minato couldn't provide any impetus for the story by himself. But Shirou can drive the plot of this story all by himself!
This is more proof of the fact that Shirou is just a better protagonist than most and Fate/stay night (and any of Nasu's true works, which does not include Fate/extra) can make almost anything epic.
Keep it up, I can't wait for more of this story!
| dragon-cloud16 chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
A good story and interesting idea. But why would the Clock Tower be after Shirou? He would only be wanted as a mage killer like Bazett or his father was after all. He has limited abilities that would probably be thought of as a basic ability except for his Reality Marble, which is forbidden magic. I like the whole Sekirei aspect, especially if he moves into the Izumo Inn. I can just imagine Rin and Saber barging in ordering him to return to the Clock Tower and face the wrath of his Sekirei. And I doubt Miya would allow them to start a fight.
Thinking about it, how would Saber stand against Miya? Miya can cut through a battleship at a distance easily without using a noble phantasm. I hope to see a update soon.
| KPheonix chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Man, am I looking forward to this fic. Akizu can't be winged unless of course, Shiro does the servant contract with her. Though, of course how will the servant thing affect the sekirei winging in this universe, I'll stick around to see.
There's a lot of love out there in Sekirei fics for the seemingly air headed ice sekirei and the fact that Shirou can somehow smell sekirei might pop open some eyes.
And it also seems that Kagari react early to Shiro. MUst have felt really uncomfortable. Looking forward to next chap, boyo.
| chm01 chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
good start, but the name is akitsu
| guy chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
interesting. I want to see how this story goes. Please give an explanation about Saber and Rin. I don't think being kicked out of school and dumped makes for a great plot as it doesn't make sense. Maybe being killed by an apostle or being coerced by the magic association, but the explanation given is a big plot hole.
| Adyen chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Haven't had a chance to log in and review earlier, but you are getting my hopes up for another sweet story.
I've noticed a few typos or missing words in both chapters, but I don't remember exactly where they are (because I'm writing this review after I got home). When I re-read the story (which I'll probably be doing if it's as epic as HoS was), I'll point them out along the way.
Nice to see another F/SN crossover. Shriou is so amusing and your characterization of him always brings a grin to my face.
| Guest to the Power of 3 chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Huh, didn't see that one coming. Not that its a bad thing, honestly I always had a soft spot for Akizu. Poor girl had a hard time of it, perhaps Shirou's magic can 'fix' her where MBI's technology failed. Wonder what happened to Musubi though... Also Kazehana will be hard to recruit (assuming she will be recruited at all) given that it was Minato's resemblance to his father that attracted her in the first place, and Shirou doesn't really have a resemblance to either of his parents. Although his stubborn streak is completely his mothers.
| Nim Maj chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
Awesome! Good idea! I look forward to where you take this and when Shirou finally reveals UBW!
| Omegavr chapter 2 . 12/16/2010
At first I was afraid to read this story as I didn't like HoS due to how you characterized Shirou in a way I simply could never picture him acting, no matter what justification you eventually gave, but so far I haven't seen any massive OOCness so I can fully enjoy this fic. So far I'm loving it and I trust you track record of "finishing what you start" :P.