|Reviews for In Flight|
| Orchamus chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Well, that was expected to happen eventually, but the meeting place and the meeting itself was certainly...interesting, to say the least. Though interaction with Yukari actually takes the cake, as HOLY CRAP, was that ever funny. Lol, BDSM shopping for clothes.
| Claude chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
As usual, great work!
If you've been watching your spelling/grammar more, it's paid off; I think the only error is this:
"A grey haired womanl wearing black and with a grey overcoat carrying a sword."
Your take on Yukari in absence of Minato is highly amusing, yet strangely compelling. In general, I think you're handling the informational asides quite well, giving background without diverting things too much.
Blushy Akitsu is surprisingly adorable - I'm really hoping that she'll remain female lead. She deserves a good turn.
Homura's one of the few people whom I think could reason out directly confronting Shirou about Sekirei/Ashikabi, even while hampered by reacting. Shirou's own openness about his choice to live or die, sans coercion of any type, seemed to raise Homura's opinion of him greatly as well.
Surprised that you tipped the alien bit this early, but I suppose Shirou's senses made it unavoidable.
Yukari will support her brother and his unusual relationship! Heh, oh the ordeals Shirou must endure. I can't help but thinking "..and so Rin's harem grows - even without her knowledge".
I am hoping that Sakura's situation gets addressed somehow, as a notable loose end from the UBW path.
Also wondering if Shirou (or more probably Rin, if/when she appears) can fix Akitsu's scrap number status with magecraft.
All in all, a great chapter! Eagerly looking forward to the next!
| FateBurn chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
great chapter cant wait for the next and see how thing turn out now that we have Kagari and Yukari in the mix and his reaction when Minaka explain the Sekirei plan to him please update as soon as you can.
| Zakath1 chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Interesting chapter. I was hopping for some action what with Akitsu having escaped and all she is sure to have someone like Karasuba but this chapter sets things up pretty nicely for some type of action in the next chapter.
I'm interested to see what Yukari's reaction is when Shiina asks her to be his Ashikabi since she probably thinks its some kind of S&M term XD
Also whenever I happen to read this story for some reason I tend to loop the song "Born to Survive" from the Last Ranker ost. I thought you might want to give it a listen since whenever I listen to it I tend to picture Shirou fighting someone like Karasuba with UBW.
| Overbore chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
So far, so good. I love the Yukari scenes. the idea of her carrying arround a bag of bad shoujo manga as references is genius.
About Kagari, Is he still going to start turning into a girl, or has that been negated by his earlier contract? I am supprised that Shirou didn't bring up the whole MBI angle during their talk.
Also I cant wait for the main contests to start. I can just see Shirou: "So it's a secret contest with masters and servants for an unkown, poswerful prize. Well. At least i have something the other contestants don't. I have expirence doing this before. i wonder if I'm going to have to destroy the prize again?" I also think he is going to hate the prez of MBI on first sight. the guy seems to be getting his rock off by messing witht the lives of innocent people, and Shirou hates that.
Also, I Like the inclusion of Akitsu into Shirou's harem this early. I get a feeling that she is going to be a real badass when Shirou gets down to explaining that he was once considered a failure as well, and that it doesen't mean sh*t. I am currently laying in the odds of his finding a way to cure her "failure" status. After all he has access to knowledge and skills that MBI doesn't.
Anyway, my rampant speculation aside. this story looks like it's gonna rock. keep up the good work.
| Quizer chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
This story is interesting... you seem to have a special skill at writing crossovers that introduce the reader to the second series without requiring any foreknowledge. I think that's the mark of a writer with real skill.
About the Saber and Rin break-up thing: A bit of mystery is all fine and good, and it's no good for preserving tension and the reader's interest if everything is explained right away, but the problem with this particular mystery is that you're shoving our faces in it way too hard, and by that I don't mean the comment in the author's notes.
You can't really expect to get away with outright avoiding giving the reader any information at all without creating a measure of resentment and frustration in the reader. Considering how often the event comes up in Shiro's thoughts and even in conversations, it is highly implausible that Shiro's internal monologue wouldn't contain any useful information, but there's not even passing comments. Anything that would serve to narrow down the possible causes of the break-up or how things could have happened are avoided like the plague. You're trying too hard, and it's blatantly obvious. Even less than savvy readers will pick up on it subconsciously.
You probably have a good reason for concealing this information, but at this point, it would have to be absolutely central to the plot of the entire story to be completely justifiable.
Truth be told, your writing is more than good enough that this is only a mild annoyance, at least for me, but it still seems like a clumsy and ham-handed way to handle things. Considering your general skills at storytelling, I think it is a flaw that could have been avoided; you can do better. Still, as I said, so far it impacts my enjoyment of the story only in a minor way.
I think you handled the bit with Kagari pretty well. It didn't feel forced to me at all. (Note however, that I'm not at all familiar with the source material for Sekirei, so I'm completely unbiased where similarities or differences from canon are concerned.)
However, you might want to take care you don't go overboard with Yukari's character. Right now you're succeeding at having her antics be outrageously funny, but I think if you try to milk it too hard or for too long, it can quickly grow stale or become irritating, especially if Shiro never tries / never succeeds at reigning her in, and if she makes a habit of ruining tender moments or preventing them from occurring in the first place. I've seen some stories where side characters are constantly butting in with lampshading comments or teasing insinuations. That kind of thing can quickly become grating and may end up cheapening any true intimacy that does develop.
Well, that's all for this review. Keep up the good work!
| Phantom 4 Life chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Hilarious, adorable, can I say more?
| TimeDiver chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
While I'm gonna spend a lot of my time busting my gut over the sheer hilarity of this chapter (and ESPECIALLY Yukari's... overly enthusiastic antics), I can offer one bit of advice:
At the very end of each chapter, for those unfamiliar with Japanese terms/honorifics (myself not included, I've picked them up over time), add appropriate translations: i.e. Imouto younger sister, Aniki big brother, and so on.
No need to completely exclude their use, as some readers would prefer, but then again, going overboard in such usage is just as much a problem as avoiding them entirely, in my humble opinion.
| Guest chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Oh man, this story is promising to have even more hilarious shenanigans(not sure if I'm using this correctly) than Hill of Swords. S&M master Shirou. Violent Raging Homosexual Shirou(Or Shinji Matou. Did he live in Unlimited Blade Works? Never really looked up what happened to him afterwards). Sis-con Shirou. Can't wait to see what adventures he'll run into next.
I like the snippets of Shirou's life with Saber and Rin. They're short, sweet, and paint a cute picture of what life was like for the three. Hopefully it'll all end happily for those three, but Shirou does have more pressing things to worry about at the moment. And they will probably castrate him when they find out about his aforementioned shenanigans...
I guess he's officially in the Sekirei plan now, since Akutsu probably didn't count. Not sure how well Homuro was protecting unwinged Sekirei since alot of them seemed to have gotten winged by force. Maybe he needs help? Though if the Sekirei distribution is more even, with more single partnerships, I wonder how that would affect the story. I'm pretty sure Shirou would be adamantly opposed to the people who are just hoarding Sekirei by force if the process was explained to him.
Can't wait for your next chapter!
| ZeroTheDestroyer chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Now we're gettin' back to the plot.
| Mauritius chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Too much Japanese words. I'm fine with prefixes but I'm unfamiliar with the ones that weren't used by Mirror Moon's translations. Please limit how much you use. I don't know what they mean, and I'm too lazy to even look it up while reading, and I forget to look them up later.
What is aniki? Imouto?
Shirou pulled off a Rin manipulation technique... Me thinks he bumped Rin too much in London.
( "If I ever find the two that broke your heart like that…" she grumbled. )
...she'd end plastered to the ground with a Yukari-shaped crater, still smoking.
( Rin would kill me for this. Then she would study the darkest of the necromantic arts just so she could bring me back so Saber could have a turn. )
A woman's jealousy can be just as ugly as a man's, indeed.
( I'd almost welcome seeing that creepy priest Kirei at the moment as long as if he showed up he'd have some kind of explanation as for just what the hell was going on. Of course then I would be required to kill him on principle for what he almost did to Rin back during the war, if it wasn't for the fact that he was already dead. )
Actually, Shirou would probably end up with more questions than answers, considering what Kirei is like.
( And this part about needing to exchange genetic information? Well, that sounded like something I was doing quite frequently with a certain blond swordswoman up until recently. )
Ahem... I had to giggle.
( Oh, dear gods above and demons below, please let Rin never find out about this. I don't know what would happen if she did, but I just knew it wouldn't be good. )
I smell Rin won't let Shirou live this done... ever. She'd make that smile that scares Shirou on some level. Or the one that makes him uncomfortable where her hand is covering her face and she is grinning widely. Lots of teasing ensues.
And the funny thing, one of the most awkward things Shirou did was strip Issei down to check for some sort of sign that he was a Master. So that... winging moment wasn't as awkward as that.
( At least no one there knew my real name, but I really hoped that Shinji Matou never discovered just what rumors I had accidently started when I gave them his name as my own. )
Oh god, this needs a one shot as well.
| XoreandoX chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
To be honest with you, I can believe that Homura was probably not thinking too heavily on the topic in terms of going over pros and cons because of the heavy reaction he was having. At least thats what I was getting an impression of.
| inuboy86 chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Too many sexual inuedoes, especially about the host club and kareoke club thing, but otherwise good update.
| Violet Shadows chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Interesting though A. I'm suprised he hasn't tried to subtly contact his mother for more information on Sekirei and B. I'm hoping for some more action soon (not to complain).
| Xynth chapter 3 . 12/17/2010
Oh...my...god...that was absolutely hilarious...*snicker*
Yukari has to be one of the greatest characters ever, lmao...you certainly managed to depict someone who goes all-out when they decide to do something. And the idea that she's figuring out how she should act from shoujo and hentai manga...rofl.
To answer the question you posed at the beginning of the chapter, I didn't think the scene with Kagari/Homura came-off as forced. Then again, it might just be my inexperience with Sekirei that makes me think that, but I'm more inclined to trust in you as an author. .
Hopefully the next chapter comes in just as timely a manner as the others, keep up the great work!