|Reviews for In Flight|
| Gundam Meister chapter 8 . 1/5/2011
Here's an idea. Shirou's reality marble automatically 'downloads' the history and skill related to that weapon, if so shouldn't it mean that Shirou's UBW could actually be used as a tool for figuring out the enemies weakness. After all if he could download the adversaries skill and experience he should be able to use it to find critical weak spot against his opponent.
| Shiratori Ryuga chapter 8 . 1/5/2011
Great chapters as always. Nice little sparring match in this chapter, not too over the top and not too boring as well. It's just right with how the story had just started out. In the previous chapter you've covered the part where Shiro is still having difficulties dealing with Tamaki due to the fact that she has quite a big part in the plan and Shiro, as usual, got caught in the war. Any thoughts given to the portion of the part when Shiro and gang tries to smuggle Haruka and Kuno out of Shin Tokyo? Given Shiro's "save everyone" complex he is most likely going to help out. I'm guessing that the cat will be out of the bag for both Tamaki and Shiro by that point concerning MBI and the Mage Association. Hope Shiro breaks out his UBW on that part. That will probably be the nail on the coffin for all the secrets between the mother and son.
As for the question for weather or not writing in other characters' PoV... well you could but can't really write much about currently the way I see it. Maybe wait till after the bridge incident? That is if you wish to do it. I for one doesn't see why write it at this point seeing how Musubi's thoughts would be full of "They're so strong" and Kusano's would just be praises about her 'onii-chan'. Akitsu's thoughts... well she's too much of a puzzle right now but I would like to see from her PoV in a later time after the characters have more time to interact.
Also will you be replacing some of the other main Ashikabi in the second arc of the story? Seeing how you seem to be planning to including the Clock Tower out hunting for Shiro, would the other characters' background be changed slightly to accommodate for the main character's high capability compared to the main story's wimpy main character?
There's also the part where Shiro seems to be strong enough to attract a strong Sekirei off the bat in the first chapter. I know that you said you would most likely be sticking with the main story's line up (except for the part where Shiro met Akitsu first then wing Homura right afterward), wouldn't it make sense if our favorite unlimited blade wielder was to attract one or two more? Or will it be kept the way they are seeing how Minato had practically drew nearly all the aces from the deck of 108?
As for the fan service, I say keep it. The way Shiro is currently portrayed (even though it is early in the story) makes him sound like a Marty Stu or Gary Stu or whatever it's called. Giving him those awkward moments seem to balance out the plot bias (for the moment) a bit. I know Shiro isn't suppose to be the perfect character type seeing how even though he is strong, fearless, and liked by his little harem plus a sister suffering from an extreme case of brother complex, he is still going to get his ass knocked around quite a lot as stronger characters start making their appearance.
As far as I could tell, this story is already way better than the original and your portray of Akitsu's character is perfect. Reading a lot of the other fanfics involving Akitsu with the main character seems to show her with more emotions than what she shows in canon. Even if she was able to be winged thru some ridiculous turn of event, I just can't really picture her being more than a cool type like canon-Tabitha from Zero no Tsukaima.
Overall the story thus far had been great. Characters are being portrayed almost perfectly and the action portion had been done nicely. Hell the story hasn't even reached its climax yet and I'm already on the edge of my seat waiting to find out more. I've even started thinking about writing the part where Shiro and his harem (Sekirei) fights on the bridge haha!
Some things to consider though... are you going to attempt to have Akitsu 'fixed'? Are the other factions such as Atlas or the Burial Agency going to have a part in it or is it strictly going to be the Clock Tower agents against Shiro? Are the big hitters like Araya Souren and Tohsaka Rin going to make an appearance? Are there going to be an appearance of a Lord from the Clock Tower? Just a few ideas here for you to play around with.
Here's a few more questions to play around for the story as well. Is this going to include some extras like the manga did i.e. the "physical check up" special they've included. Maybe make a special humor/fanservice only section for the story? Could be like the Tiger Dojo idea you had for HoS.
Wow... that is one long review/comment... well keep up the good job and hope to read more of your work in the future.
| Canticles chapter 8 . 1/5/2011
Gah, so this is my punishment for finishing "A Hill of Swords" and not adding you to my author alerts. Well, considering the quality of this work, I'd say it's not much of a punishment at all.
Through your author notes, I'm impressed by the research you do for your stories. I am all for a well-researched piece of fiction, and you most definitely have my full support. If I ever get started on a piece of my own, I might contact you for some tips on writing fighting scenes (as I honestly don't think I could do them any justice).
I find myself enjoying your choices in crossover fiction. While I don't know the Nasuverse nor F/sN too well, as I noted in my comment on "A Hill of Swords", I have watched both Sekirei (both seasons so far) and Zero no Tsukaima (all seasons as well). While I don't think I could get my hands on the light novels for the latter, I do try to read up on the manga adaptations whenever they come out.
I find that these two franchises, Sekirei and Zero no Tsukaima, are ones that suffer the most from the inflation of fanservice I've been seeing the more current anime. They have very nice plots and a staggering amount of WMG (pardon my TV Tropes). With a slight flair of creativity, there is an amazing amount of leeway with regards to fanon and fanfiction with these two franchises (though I'd say not on the par of Harry Potter).
I'd have to be lying if I say that I'm not ecstatic that you're writing a fiction that involves Sekirei. I can't wait to read more.
| tragicmat1 chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
I LOVE THIS! Woohoo! I was so happy when I looked at your profile and saw that you had a new story up, after HoS. I actually have never seen sekirei before this, and I can proudly tell you that I started watching the anime when I saw you made a cross over with it. I watched the first episode, read about it a bit on wiki, and read your first chapter. I sort of regretted reading the first chapter first as that made me lose my focus on the anime since I wanted to read MORE. This fic is great and I look forward to next update!
| Caphriel chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
Your writing of Shirou's style seemed fine to me, and the fight scene was great. Your research time was well-spent, in my opinion.
If you're looking for more inspiration on his fighting style, a possible resource would be to look up videos on youtube of Shirou and Archer in Fate/Unlimited Codes (a fighting game spinoff.) You'd probably want to ignore some of the overuse of super attacks, though.
And for some bonus ego stroking, I read all 100-odd chapters of Sekirei as soon as I finished Hill of Swords, so that I could read In Flight. Because your writing is good enough to spend a week reading a manga just so it would make sense.
I'll try to review future chapters in a little more detail :)
| Viktorius chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
I'm really enjoying this!
| ctang chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
Awesome chapter. Good to know Shirou is not a push-over compare to Sekirei (judging from Uzume's reaction) I saw an author's note about you getting reviews to cut out the fan service and get on with the plot. Well, my thought is yes, plot is nice, but the fan service keep the whole atmosphere aligned with the canon Sekirei (at least to anime, never read the manga) I thought it was a nice touch. And why are these readers so bothered anyway? It is not as though you're skipping plot. So keep your running joke on Akitsu's panty or odd positions that Musubi ends up in. So long as you don't pull anything with Kusano, it's all cool. And of course it will be quite OOC if it was done with Miya, but maybe you can sneak one in to shock your readers :) After all, Shirou does not act like Minato of canon, so it's only natural that characters react slightly different.
I'm still a little confused on exactly where the shed is. It sounds like it's just "next door". However, you repeatedly stressed that it's away from Izumo House so that explosion wouldn't be a problem.
And how does Matsu missed the fact that Shirou is Takami's son? I'm sure Shirou's whole incident at the airport was recorded, and are you saying she did not manage to get Shirou phone records to see that he calls Takami and Yukari? Given that Matsu can hack MBI system for satellite controls, its seems a bit unbelievable that she does not know.
Once again, great chapter. I'm looking forward to next one.
| Soup Fish chapter 5 . 1/4/2011
I was just hit with a rather disturbing thought. It has not so much to do with this chapter as it dose with Shirou himself and the people he is and has encountered.
For just a moment lets throw away the rule of funny and look at his companions. No doubt I will get flamed for this but if you think about it, and I mean REALLY think about it, Shirou has had very BAD luck with women throughout his entire life. Yes Bad.
Think about it, Rin is a whiny, nasty, obnoxious person who would be very hard to get along with in a long term relationship even if she did mellow out. (And from the descriptions of her in this story she hasn't) There is a bible verse that says "Better to live on a corner of the roof than with a quarrelsome wife" and somehow I think it is talking about people like Rin, sure she is a good person and very heroic, but would that actually help in everyday marital situations?
Saber is about as good as anyone could ask for but the age gap is still very real and we are talking about a person who had people drawn an quartered. Not so good once you get down to it. Still the most stable person present though and thereby the most realistic for an actual relationship.
Sakura is... I'm not even going to start. In an case she cant be mentally stable, not at all, and i am talking fingering a kitchen knife and standing over Shirou while he sleeps kind of instability. Nice girl though :_(
In Hill of Swords things were a bit better. A bit.
I could see him living okay with Agnes or the Queen or Siesta but Kirche? no.
Now we get down to this crossover. Ho boy...
Musubi is a imbecile so much so that it would be impossible to live with her for any prolonged space of time. her good looks and cheerful demeanor would not be so encouraging after she had broken the 7th set of dishes and crashed the car for the third time. Most people who met her would reach the conclusion that she was mentally disturbed and that Shirou was taking advantage of her.
Akitsu IS disturbed. Unless she thaws out A LOT she isn't going to be tolerable. How long could Shirou take the company of somebody who barely ever talks, spends all their time staring at him and has a mindset mostly reserved for people who have been lobotomized? Not long.
This new face, Matsu looks more than a little obsessed and I hear that there is one more coming after. They might be better but all things considered I have my doubts.
Well that's it. I hope I didn't just start a flame war, I know that all these characters make up for some of their problems because of their superb amounts of heroism but I couldn't help considering what they would be like if Shirou had to live with them long term. Fortunately this is Anime and so such personality's and practical problems can be handwaved.
Anyway not an attack on the story but a bit to chew on. or not if it wreaks the mood.
| Some Random Dude chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
i was wondering about something
Avalon should still be within shirou however it only heals him when he has connection to saber
Rin has a contract with saber
Rin has a contract with shirou
Therefore is there enough of a connection to get at least somewhat of a healing boost from avalon?
| migele chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
poor poor Shirou.
and he gets yet another one. while his other ones are just innocent, this one definatly takes the other side.
kinda makes me wonder, I started watching Sekirei but never got past ep2. so while you are spoiling some stuff for I wouldn't miss it for the world.
now for feedback, you did skip a word here or there (as usual). Storyflow is fine and the group is settling nicely. A lot of ppl will want to more about Mi-chan now.
one plothole, you never explained ascension. now with her being the scientific type you can fill that one.
other things ... I think there were a few more battles in the original but as usual it's authors choice. hmm anything else? not from the top of my hat.
read you soon
| Teucrian chapter 7 . 1/4/2011
I quite enjoy reading this story. As for the "fan service," I find it enjoyable in moderation, so I wouldn't cut it out completely.
| Jimm chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
| account not avalable chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
well magic and aliens, guess they're all doomed.
| RurGo chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
Dunno anything about swords but found the fight nicely done and gave me a rough guide to the base "Level 0" Shirou using pure style. I'm assuming Lv2 involves the actual live blades with their inherent powers and body reinforcement as with the Sekirei in the rescue mission and Higher levels to involve actual magery and UBW spinoffs.
I'm still not sure about Homura's attitude with regards to Shirou fighting (kinda reminds me of Shirou telling Saber something along the lines of girls shouldn't be fighting) but when I looked him up due to curiosity on his attitude he's supposed to be "calm and collected" and when anxious lights up cigarettes so he seems OOC from canon. I might be missing something or backstory since I'm going by a Sekirei Wiki and don't really plan to ever see the original series though.
That said, the way Matsu jumped Shirou was an amusing ending and, after looking up the original "set" of Sekirei, I can't wait to see how Shirou reacts to Number 9 considering the similarities with Saber and Shirou's recent ex-status. Especially if you keep the original dream contact. Shirou's reaction to a similarly-clothed blonde woman who resembles his Ex appearing in something similar to the Dream Cycle and saying she'll kill him would be... interesting since he's got a Saber-backstory now. I dunno when the meeting was in canon but I personally hope for a moonlit deja-vu moment for Shirou when the two first have a run-in. They already have an old-style Inn and a Storehouse locale. XD
I guess I anticipate No. 9 the most to see how she relates to Shirou since you place a lot of visible effort on characterization. You can just have him brush off the slight resemblance and go the simple way of starting their relationship off as a blank slate so she's like a stranger building a relationship. But honestly, I'm hoping you put her in Saber's shadow so she gives Shirou a bit of remembrance/regret for his past when he looks at her. I guess to me, her appearance is something central that their relationship would need to build/work around considering Shirou's past.
Hm. Rambling a bit on the future but I definitely look forward to their eventual meeting. (And if she ever returns to Japan, SABER's meeting with the Ninth) *shivers at the possibilities*
Also, after looking around I just found out how LONG this can become unless you've setup an early Plan-shutdown finish similar to HoS. Just the Third Stage in the S-Plan is already a friggin' TOURNAMENT. D:
Hope you manage to hang in there!
| NAJ P. Jackson chapter 8 . 1/4/2011
Are you insinuating that this Shirou has recreated ALL of Archer's abilities and skills? Right down to Archer's mana potential? If so then I can say this Shirou is no pushover. If he managed to keep up with Miya for 10 whole minutes while limiting himself by not using his reinforcement or other of his eccentric magic/skills then I shudder to think what the outcome would have been if he went all out O_O