|Reviews for The Recruits|
| Houndmon chapter 1 . 3/29/2013
Just a question, were you ever planning to go back and continue this story? I love the story and love your writing style. Thank you for reading this.
(Ps I would have posted this on the most recent chapter, but Fanfic doesn't like working with me)
| B323Glaceon The Ice Queen4831 chapter 6 . 1/20/2012
Is there CynthiaXLance in this MY SECOND FAVORATE SHIPPING (ClairXSteven is my first favorate) It was just SO CUTE wehn Lance kissed Cynthia at the end
| Stolloss chapter 6 . 5/3/2011
I didn't find much to say about this chapter (plus Shelby got most of it already), except that there are a lot of OCs. When reading straight through the story, the lack of reintroduction is not a problem, but after two and a half months it becomes hard to remember who is who. If long update times become a problem in the future, you may want to incorporate small details into the story to help your readers keep track of everyone.
You said that you were aware of the mistakes you made, so I will forgo corrections.
| FirebirdXoX chapter 6 . 4/29/2011
What a lovely way to return from a hiatus. :) It's quite obvious from the beginning that this chapter is about establishing character (at least the beginning), but you did it in a humorous, enjoyable, subtle way. It must have been difficult to incorporate all of the characters, especially since you've been away a while, and they weren't even yours to begin with. You should be proud of yourself. :)
It could use a little more description when they're all eating breakfast. The dialog was good, but in a few places it was hard to visualize the character who is speaking. There's a certain balance between dialog and descriptions, and in some places it's obvious you've nailed it and in other places it looks like you're almost there, but not quite. Granted, it's hard to attain said balance when you have so many characters to deal with in one setting, but I have no doubt you can pull it off. :)
[Stefan clapped his hands. "Can everybody get in their groups please? It's hard to teleport kids if I don't know where they're going." With a few grumbles and groans, the trainers got in their designated groups...]
Up above is the first part of a wall of text. (Copying the whole thing might have frozen my internet. xD) It could use some better paragraphing to make it easier on the eyes. Not a big deal, I'm just being nit-picky. ;)
Camping? Oh boy, this opens up a whole new /world/ of possibilities. xD One I can't wait to see in the next chapter. It will be interesting to see how the characters interact with one another, along with their Pokemon. We also have a new character introduced- Stefan. He's interesting, but there's not much to judge him by yet. Hopefully we'll learn more about him later
Lance and Cynthia are too cute for their own good. :3 Even if she's irritable in this chapter.
Well, this review pales in comparison to the first size-wise. I've forgotten most of the comments I had on the content, and you asked me to omit corrections for your errors since you already have them found. Sorry this isn't the best, but then again, it's better than none! :)
Good job with this chapter, I can tell you're steadily improving. Keep it up! :D
| YajirobeWillKillYou chapter 6 . 4/28/2011
I am glad you're back! And you really did a good job portraying my character. Good job. I'd hug you. But my monitor is too little.
| Hakerius chapter 6 . 4/27/2011
Ah, camping, what better way to get to know one another? I have a feeling group three is going to have an interesting time out in the wilds, possibly group one as well. Two will probably be fine, or at the very least Rhona will.
Pardon lateness, Minecraft owns mah soul D:
| Kios chapter 6 . 4/26/2011
Oh, hey, you're right. You are, in fact, not dead. You see what I did there? I used four commas in two fairly short sentences. I really need to stop doing that.
Anyways, didn't notice any serious hiccups that haven't already been mentioned.
I like how you present the characters, especially given you presumably haven't worked around with any of them for most of the hiatus, even given the rumination period.
| WereDragon EX chapter 6 . 4/26/2011
Wow. The recruits all camping out? Cool. I can see a good amount of potential for this scenario, especially in terms of character interaction and how personalities may bump off each other. Good work, and I'd say your descriptions are improving. I'm slightly curious about Lance kissing Cynthia at the end of the chapter, but very nicely done. Do update soon.
| Aoife Anonymous chapter 6 . 4/25/2011
This is gonna be interesting. The idea of them all camping out... love it! Hunger Games v. 2.0. xD I just don't get how as G-Men, they're supposed to be 'in the shaodws'. Especially the champions.
A couple things to point out. You spelled Steven two different ways, Stephan and Steven. Well... I don't think you added another character. And Cynthia seemed a little OOC when complaining about the broken nose and the argument that ensued. But then again, I'm tired so I may just be imagining it.
This was a great chapter. [y] Oh, and by the way, you aren't forgiven until I get another CHAPTERRR!
| azure blue espeon chapter 6 . 4/25/2011
Good job but at the end it said that the nurse was tending to Steven's wrist and his "broken eye." I thought that was kinda funny, but can eyes be broken?
| Houndmon chapter 6 . 4/25/2011
You're back! And with an awesome chapter I'll read about ten times too! I think that says everything ;)
| GrossGirl18 chapter 5 . 2/6/2011
Well that was gory.
| FirebirdXoX chapter 5 . 2/6/2011
Gwen! I miss you so much, darling, really I do. :( But you were able to get a chapter done. And a very nice one, at that. It's becoming apparent that you put a lot of time into improving yourself with this chapter, because it outshines the others. Not that the others were bad, because they were actually quite good. But this one is of much higher quality, in most ways.
In most ways, I mean there were quite a few mistakes. To the point that it was distracting me from the actual content. I know this is likely due to the fact you are /extremely/ busy, which I can understand, but still, these were errors that would have taken a ten or fifteen minute once over to seek out and destroy. I won't post them here because that might come off as bitchy and rude, but if you want a list for corrections later, I can PM it to you. I /know/ you're a fabulous writer, it's apparent in your story's content, but these mistakes really should be cleaned up. If you don't have time to do it on your own (which is totally understandable), I would suggest getting a beta reader to help you out. If this chapter was a little cleaner mistakes-wise, it would make it even more awesome than it already is.
I hope that didn't make me seem like a meanie. :( But it bugged me. Anywho, let's talk about the good- which far outweighs the bad. :)
It is obvious you made a conscious effort to improve your descriptions. I really could envision every scene, every character, and it was lovely. I felt the tension as the G-Men confronted the people at the docks, the irritation of Verona, and you made the characters very easy to picture- without it being overdone. That's a rare quality. Most people dedicate a massive paragraph to an OC, and then their appearance is never mentioned again. But you did this amazing thing where you explained them piece by piece, when it made /sense/. So good job.
Also, on the subject of characters... you made their personalities very clear, without shoving it down the readers throat. This is also very good! :D I'm sure the OC submitters are very, very pleased. I know I was, when you used my OC a while back. You did him, and as far as I can tell, everyone else justice. You seem to have a knack for this submit-an-OC writing thing. :)
So, yeah. Sorry about my lack of reviews before this. It's a long process for me- as you can see, I like to be thorough, and it's very time-consuming. Anywho, I hope you find time to continue this, and I also hope life treats you well. :) Miss you Gwen!
| Aoife Anonymous chapter 5 . 2/6/2011
o.O Wow, I never knew Steven and Cynthia could fight like that, though I suppose I should've seen it coming with the hints in the earlier chapters.
I wonder what's in store for the trainees now. I hope that you get a handle on your school work among other things. )
| Queen Violet of the Underworld chapter 5 . 2/6/2011
Wow, this chapter was really good in the action parts and really sad at the end! Great job drawing out the emotions. And gods, poor Lucy... Stuck with Erin and Sienna... Hahaha good job! Do keep writing, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!