Reviews for New Legend
TwilightFreak143 chapter 2 . 3/20
I really enjoyed this story. Usually, when people try to retell the Twilight Saga, I find it a waste of time. But, I really loved 's awesome!
chermite chapter 2 . 3/5/2011
Hello there - you asked and now you shall receive. Below are my thoughts and other things.

I have copied the parts I want to comment on and will follow with my suggested corrections.

::The Cullens kept to themselves until the return of the daughter of a friend.:: – I think you should state ‘a friend of the tribe’ – otherwise it is confusing and interrupts the flow.

::However, she was too late to avoid being brought to the attention of the rulers of the vampire world, the Volturi:: – I think this should read – ‘However, in doing so she is brought to the attention of the rulers of the vampire world.’

::With Bella and others in trouble, the pack agreed to help fight the newborn vampires.:: I think this should read – ‘With Bella and other humans in danger from this army, the pack agreed to help fight these newborn vampires.’

::Therefore, the pack was divided on what should be done, fearing that the child would be uncontrollable. For the first time, the pack divided and there were two alphas. Jacob, the great grandson of Ephraim Black, broke away and went to warn the Cullens. His feelings for Bella would not allow him to consent to any harm to come to her, or her child while they were still connected.::

'The pack itself was divided on what should be done, fearing that the child would be uncontrollable. In an effort to protect the tribe from this unknown, the decision was made to destroy the potential threat the child represented. In order to protect Bella, Jacob, the great grandson of Ephraim Black, accepted (or possibly 'invoked') his heritage and broke away from the pack so that he could warn the Cullens. His feelings for Bella would not allow him to consent to any harm to come to her, or her child while they were still connected. For the first time in the tribe’s history, the pack divided and there were two Alphas.'

::When a threat on her life appeared, the pack again united with the Cullens to defeat an even greater enemy. The Cullens had called in other covens to stand by them to slow the advance of the Volturi, the rulers of the vampire world. The Denali's from Alaska, the Irish coven, the Egyptian coven, the Amazon coven, and some nomads came to aid the Cullens. The Volturi pick members for their gifts. The most dangerous of which are Jane, Alex, Aro, and Demitri. Jane can make you feel pain, Alex takes away your senses, Aro can read every thought you have ever had with only a touch, and Demitri is a powerful tracker, once he has met someone, he can find them again wherever they are.::

'Shortly after her birth, the Volturi learned of her existence and her life was once again endangered. The pack again united with the Cullens to defeat this even greater enemy. The Cullens called in other vampires, covens and nomads they deemed friends, in the hopes of slowing the Volturi advance long enough to plead their case. The Denali coven from Alaska answered the call, as did covens from Ireland, Egypt and the Amazon. Several nomads also came to aid the Cullens.

The Volturi pick their members for the ‘gifts’ they possess; the most dangerous of which are Aro, Jane, Alex, and Demitri. Aro can read every thought you have ever had with only a touch, Jane can make you feel agonizing pain, Alex takes away your every sense, and Demitri is a powerful tracker; once he has met someone, he can find them again wherever they are.'

::The Volturi were determined to add Alice, Bella, and Edward to their ranks. The show of friends allowed Carlisle and Edward to prevent the fight. We now share this story to inform future generations about the threat in which the Volturi hold against our tribe and our friends. We will remember and remain vigilant in our watch for the return of the Volturi's threat, so that our tribe and our friends and family may live in peace.::

'The Volturi were determined to add Alice, Bella, and Edward to their ranks. The show of strength provided by the united front of the vampires and the pack allowed Carlisle and Edward to prevent the fight. We now share this story to inform future generations about the danger which the Volturi represent against our tribe and our friends. We will remember and remain vigilant in our watch for the return of the Volturi threat, so that our tribe and our friends and family may live in peace.'

Cheers, Louise (chermite)
Madnessdownunder2 chapter 2 . 1/21/2011
Can I offer a suggestion? Not "the daughter lof a freind" but maybe "the daughter of the HUMAN protector of these lands" ie the police cheif. And it still sounds like Sam's voice
j chapter 1 . 1/21/2011
Very good, this has great potential, keep going. It even sounded like Sam's voice!
A Sirius Crush On Moony chapter 2 . 1/19/2011
Yeah, this was really good. Enjoyed it :)
fadewind chapter 1 . 1/13/2011
What a great short story to be told around the camp fire. I can see it now. Old Quill just finished the tellings of the Thid wife, and then Sam sits up and tells the Return of the Cullens and the Story of Bella Swan.
BELAVERA chapter 1 . 12/16/2010
That was a good piece of fiction. The spelling was good enough that I did not notice any errors. KEEP WRITING, PLEASE!