Reviews for The 222nd Hunger Games: Betrayal
Jms2 chapter 24 . 9/12/2014
Great story! I have to admit, I was rooting for Misty throughout the whole games. SO CLOSE! Ah well, I just really didn't want Taylor to win! Memory, I was fine with winning.
Insanitywriter chapter 24 . 6/30/2014
*Him and Her darling, you'll have two tributes every year. And you of all people should know they don't want to win
Insanitywriter chapter 23 . 6/30/2014
I thought Taylor diedf for a sec... Idky but I just REALLY don't want Memory to win... Is that mean? Oh... Well whatever... Misty is the perfect Antihero, her story is semi touching and the thought of her suffering is delightful xD... There goes that Sadist again
Insanitywriter chapter 18 . 6/29/2014
Smh MANHATER! lolz I'm soooo done! I just KNEW Iris was going to kill her... Oh well... Was that really Soapy's first kill?

Misty is my fave!
Insanitywriter chapter 17 . 6/29/2014
Amy and Iris killed me! That was the best thing ever... Sorry... STOP BEING POLITE WHEN YOURE TRYING TO SMASH SOME ONE'S BRAINS OUT!... Hmmmm the feast sounds interesting...
Insanitywriter chapter 16 . 6/29/2014
All the Mercy was killing me! . I get that's the name of the game... Well chapter, but I was waiting on some blood... Then again I'm a sadistic Lil fuccker huh? But I some what enjoyed it and I will laugh my azz off if Aiden is crowned victor . hehehe
Insanitywriter chapter 15 . 6/29/2014
Its official! You hate guys! Smh Darren, Tyler, AND Meli?! (This one hurt the most :(( ) but I thought it was too funny when Taylor forgot Memory... Nice irony.
Insanitywriter chapter 12 . 6/29/2014
Wow, you REALLY didn't like the guys did you? o.o Only six left now, there's just too much estrogen in the air
hollowman96 chapter 15 . 6/15/2014
i laughed soooo much at meli's death, for some reason it was just hilarious! i don't know why
grandvizier527 chapter 24 . 5/3/2014
I know you wrote this a while back, but out of boredom I wanted to read your other SYOTs, in chronological order. Despite already knowing who would win, this was still an enjoyable read. Here are my thoughts:

1. I can tell that your writing has improved since this. Not that you were a bad writer here, but it just seems kind of average in comparison to the style and amount of development for the 226th Hunger Games.
2. A lot of the tributes seemed to be really bloodbath material. Here you had 7 tributes die, and in the one you're currently working on I remember only 3 dying. And yet, like any good SYOT writer, you made it work with what you had!
3. The arena was very original, yet familiar enough that it had that classic Hunger Games feel, what with everybody being in the wilderness, and yet it was a very unique wilderness. The Mutts were fairly good, too, although there didn't seem to be a lot of them, just the giant bat with the knife, the squid, and the monkeys (which in a different context might have been funny). If you ever need help for mutt ideas for your last games, BTW, I'd be willing to give some suggestions.
4. I can see that it was called "Betrayal" for a reason. I counted five, 3 of which were by Careers, and the other 2 by Misty. Typical Careers. Also, it was good that the Careers got to not be villains for a change.
5. Tributes I liked: Iris and Amy-they were a great alliance together even when the big strong boys were out of the picture. I would have wanted them to win had I not known who the Victor was in advance. Same thing with Taylor and Jessie, to a lesser extent. Misty was a great villain-I was worried she would be like Valhalla, but I was completely wrong! Despite her knowledge of traps and poison, she wasn't like Valhalla because she wasn't emotionless but still just as intelligent. Sophia/Soapy had a non-villainous side to her, and it was a shame how she was killed so suddenly with the squid mutt (although I can think of several reasons why you did that, so no hard feelings).
6. Tributes that were quite gullible: Since you needed people to betray each other, I realize now that the natural consequence would be to have some gullible people. Wesley, Avery, Seal, and Sky all really should have watched their backs.
7. A question: did the person who submitted Alexander WANT him to commit suicide like that? If they did, that's fine, but I just feel like we could have gotten to know him better. Same thing with Cherry, since she died rather early and I wanted to see her hidden depths more. I would say the same thing for Keaton, but judging by the fact that the submitter wanted him to pass out at the reapings I'd say he or she wanted them to be a bloodbath tribute...although frankly I don't see why you'd WANT your character to be one of the first to die.
8. One small criticism: There seems to be something I've noticed with both this SYOT and the current one you're working on: in both of them the boys get the short end of the stick in terms of character development. As good as your SYOTs are, it seems to me like you have trouble developing male characters. Both in this one and your current one most of the male characters are fairly forgettable. And here the final 7 were all girls! I feel like we didn't get to see Aiden's side of his relationship with Memory, which led to me liking her a bit less (more on that later). Seeing as I happen to be a boy, I'm wiling to give some pointers on how to develop a boy tribute more if you need them. They're really not THAT much different from girls, really! Although due to spoilers I know that one of your next victors is/was a boy, so maybe I'm wrong about you not knowing how to develop boys.
9. Finally, my thoughts on the Victor, Memory Summit. Like I said, going in there I knew she would win, but I still wanted to read anyway because I wanted to see how she won, and how all the others died. The "how" bothered me a little bit, but in the end I found it fitting for her to win. Let me explain:

I was wondering why you didn't have Memory killed by Derek, but I've noticed that unless the fight is short you tend to have the scene from the winner's perspective. I can understand that; if you have a long duel of a fight that goes on for a long time, you're going to sympathize with whoever's POV it's in. So naturally, to have them get killed at the end is disappointed to the reader (although sometimes it has to happen, and I've seen you do it before). It was intriguing, to say the least, how Aiden didn't kill Memory when he had the chance. He could have done it, and it would have fit right into the betrayal theme you were going with. But given that Memory was falling in love with him and was innocent (at first), it sort of gave us readers this Katniss-esque vibe from her. But unlike Katniss, of course, Memory was too emotional and spent too much time dwelling on romance and past break-ups. I get that we were supposed to sympathize with her, but I didn't really care about her romantic life. Probably has to do with being a boy or something...or it could be the fact that since this is the Hunger Games, I don't like romances since they always have to be destroyed by the killing. What's the point of tributes falling in love if they either have to kill each other or let themselves be killed? Personally I think it's better to have no attachments.

Anyway, after Aiden was killed, my opinion on Memory shifted. No offense to you or her submitter, but I thought that she was being a psychotic bitch, what with killing people that didn't have anything to do with her precious boyfriend. I especially felt sorry for Amy and Iris, since they were the victims of her rampage. I was glad when someone else (Sophia, right?) called her out for this and she snapped out of it.

After that happened, I stopped thinking of her as a bitch and realized that she was the perfect person to win the games. Taylor and Jessie still had their innocence, Misty was too villainous and smart, and Soapy/Sophia was morally ambiguous. It was fitting for her to win because she was the one that went the most insane during the Games. She went from an emotional romantic into a crazed killer...and back again! The fact that she called her insane self "Luna" to try and deny what she had done was excellent.

Thing is, a lot of SYOT writers will have their victor experience the "punishment" of victory by having them live on despite their depression and be forced to deal with everything they did in the Games (if they don't become a Capitol toy like Finnick). Memory was the perfect embodiment of that, since for her to survive the Games and be punished with having the memory (had to make a pun there!) of all the horrible thing she did in the games was more fitting than having someone like Misty (who was sort of detached from others and had no regrets), Taylor, or Jessie (they didn't really kill anyone and were still quite similar to what they had been before the Games). Of the last few tributes, only Memory would be the one to have anything to feel guilty about by the end of the Games.

Finally, I love your use of irony in regards to Memory winning. Aiden was the one who had nightmares of killing Memory (and her being covered in blood), but what he didn't realize was that it wasn't her own-it was other tributes'! SHE turned out to be the crazed killer, not him! Obviously you didn't plan all that out beforehand, but I can tell that once you know what you had done there you knew it would make so much sense for Memory to win.

Can't wait to read your other Hunger Games!
Guest chapter 24 . 4/6/2014
That was amazing. I read the story in one sitting. But, I can't help being a little mad. I totally routed for Taylor since the reaping. Still though great job.
Guest chapter 20 . 2/7/2014
forgot to say, misty is a FREAKING beast
Guest chapter 23 . 2/7/2014
Noooooo! Why jessie!? im crying right now
Guest chapter 22 . 2/7/2014
Noooo sophia! Ahhh i was extremely pissed! but atleaat memory and jessie are still alive
Guest chapter 15 . 2/6/2014
so sad derek died before jessie can sit on his face :(
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