|Reviews for Oncall room|
| Huddy757 chapter 1 . 3/23/2011
Girl this is truly hot. they could do this so easily with all that chemistry and all we got were fights. I think you shoul dapply to write for Hosue and Cuddy
| lin12344 chapter 1 . 2/5/2011
Very good smut too. Now will have to you write more House-Cuddy.
| Hazmatt chapter 1 . 1/6/2011
Great story! I really enjoyed it! Perfect!
| Sextuple Covalent Mo2 Bond chapter 1 . 12/21/2010
I see you deleted and re-uploaded this story. Oh well, at least it (apparently) came with revisions.
The one thing I do not understand is why you left out the revising of grammatical errors that were pointed out to you. "Just because you wanted to" is not a very valid excuse for such writing.
Since the old reviews that apparently talked about grammatical issues are gone with the previous iteration of this story, I'll perform a brief recap on present errors.
You seem to have basic grammar down, but slightly more intricate things, such as comma placement, need correction.
"After a few seconds Cuddy asks, "We done here?" A very serious look on her face."
Ignoring the abrupt flow of that line, a comma should have been placed after "seconds".
Now, note the comma changes in the next quote:
"House gives a slight shake of his head hoping that Cuddy doesn't notice it. But Wilson indicates he believes it and Cuddy pulls her hand back. Without saying anything she turns around and walks out of Wilson's office."
"House gives a slight shake of his head, hoping that Cuddy doesn't notice it. But, Wilson indicates he believes it, and Cuddy pulls her hand back. Without saying anything, she turns around and walks out of Wilson's office."
That's three commas that should have been placed in that paragraph alone. For starters, kindly use commas as simple pauses in the text, as you would pause slightly when actually talking.
The overall flow of the story would improve with these comma placement errors being corrected, however, I recommend you rid yourself of some awkward phrasing. Many of these errors can be solved by simply hiring a good beta. Beta-reading services are available at the Literate Union forum, if you cannot find yourself a suitable one.
In case someone else brought this up, I do not believe this story warrants an MA-rating because of Webster's definition of "explicit". I believe this story is not totally explicit. But, then again, that is more of a matter of opinion. I think you are a fair author, and, with some improvement, you could become someone more noticeable. I look forward to seeing if the criticism is put to use. Feel free to PM me or drop by the Literate Union forum if you would like some even more intricate tips or help on story flow.
~Revitalization is Coming!~
| CGCath chapter 1 . 12/19/2010
Great one ! I don't mind if the characters are a little OOC sometimes :)
| IHeartHouseCuddy chapter 1 . 12/18/2010
Hot! I loved this, I will choose to believe this is what happened between House and Cuddy leaving Wilson's office and going to their meeting :)