|Reviews for Surprise gift|
| Jus Sum Dude chapter 6 . 7/13/2014
First off, your introduction. Look, you need to be more careful when using In Medias Res. You have to remember that the reader hasn't been introduced to any of these characters yet, so you need to keep terms like names and such to a minimum or the reader will feel lost and confused and will most likely instinctively skim over it. Second, you need a better sense of pacing. I feel like I'm getting the story fired at me from a machine gun from how fast things are going. Take your time. We're here for a story, not a plot synopsis. Third, it's pretty sloppy. Just a little more attention to detail will clear that right up though.
| BartWLewis chapter 6 . 1/6/2014
Cool story, hope you update soon.
| Make more chapter 6 . 12/22/2013
Make more chapies
| catcat7077 chapter 6 . 6/17/2012
This is a great story(5 stars from me)I love the whole idea...especialy...shadow animalsXD looking forward too the next chapie!
| Sonicthehedgewolf chapter 6 . 10/9/2011
This is pretty funny. U should update more
| GreenandnavyblueRaven chapter 6 . 9/21/2011
Keep it up the good it!:)
| Concolor44 chapter 6 . 9/21/2011
What to improve? Mainly just punctuation and capitalization. There were several places that needed help. I'll be happy to send you a copy-edited version if you like. Just PM me.
What to LIKE? Pretty much everything else. Raven and Gar's interaction was great, bickering like an old married couple ... oh, wait ...
What's up with Fang? Is she getting pulled back into the future? Does she have a time limit, as in "Fantastic Voyage"? Urrghh, the chapter was too short!
| GreennaveyblueRaven chapter 5 . 9/16/2011
Come on don't leave me hanging .Cute fang like her dadand like her mom.
| AfroThunda chapter 5 . 6/23/2011
I like this story! More please
| EscapetoMusic chapter 5 . 5/31/2011
I love the story idea for this! But I'm still confused on the shadow animal thing. Keep writing! :)
| MaidenGhost chapter 5 . 5/30/2011
Oh noo... you should not give up on this story x( It's a really interesting story and I want more :3 ok?
I want to know more about their future :O
| littlemissfg chapter 5 . 5/30/2011
OMG! this was goooooooooooooddddd keep it xxx :) XD
| SepticMind chapter 5 . 5/30/2011
The idea behind this is very promising, especially now you know where it's going. Just a little comment on your sentance structure - Occationally you'll have teo differant people speaking on the same line. I'd recoment you use a new paragraph to indicate when someone else is talking, for example-
"uh, aren't you forgetting something?" Raven asked, nodding her head at the little girl in her arms. Robin paused at the thought and replied "Well it's something between you and Beast Boy,she's your daughter and so it's up to you two to figure out what to do."
Should be more along the lines of...
"uh, aren't you forgetting something?" Raven asked, nodding her head at the little girl in her arms.
Robin paused at the thought and replied "Well it's something between you and Beast Boy,she's your daughter and so it's up to you two to figure out what to do."
| Concolor44 chapter 5 . 5/30/2011
Not EXACTLY anti-climactic, but the sort of effort and organization that Fang described did have Slade's fingerprints all over it. I am a bit confused as to why the anti-meta-human sentiment isn't also being aimed at him. He's effectively immortal, heals any wound quickly (except decapitation), and uses his brain 900% better than a baseline human. How is that "normal"?
You nailed the in-character side of BB while he was dealing with all of Fang's projections. The arm-wrestling apes were a nice touch.
Kid Flash is a natural choice for dealing with Billy Numerous. Billy isn't super strong or fast or (especially) smart. All he IS is, um, tautological. And KF could cold-cock every one of them in about a second, and all that needs to be done is to whack the original for the Game To Be Over.
Thanks for the update!
| MaxandFang101 chapter 4 . 5/22/2011
Acckkk! You must continue this! It's so interesting! And I think Fanv should tell BB about him having died, that way Raven would comfort him and they would get all cute and lovey. X)