|Reviews for Just Below the Surface: An Adeptus Arbites Story|
| Commissar Critical chapter 14 . 4/18
Jeez. Grimdark 10 right there.
| Commissar Critical chapter 13 . 4/18
| Commissar Critical chapter 10 . 4/18
Where is the Inquisitor? Under threat/suspicion of a Tyranid infestation, any world worth anything major would have an Inqusitor sent over, not some Arbite Broad.
| BladeMasterWolf chapter 1 . 11/14/2011
To those reading my story, first of all thanks.
Second of all, like I posted on my profile I have a sudden sledgehammer of Writers Block so by turn around process is slowing, not just on this but on my other projects (which I may or may not post up here depending on the reception on the fourm.)
Thank you for putting up with me and my erratic muse. I have tried money and choclate but she is a fickle one.
| BasharMachine chapter 14 . 10/13/2011
I just read the story from chapter 1 to 14 in the last two days and now I really really want to continue reading, but I guess I just have to wait until you write more.
I really liked the way you described the live in a Hive, I had a little role playing group set in the 40K setting and I always had some difficulties describing Hive worlds to my players. Especially the "hab block war" is a really excellent idea.
Furthermore the guard vs tyranid fight in the underhive was described really good, I could nearly taste the fear and panic of the guardsmen.
Oh and of course the prayers and rites were really well placed and fitting and the descriptions of the Adeptus Arbites and their work was just great.
So long and please continue your story, as of today you got one more eager reader.
| SchizBrain chapter 13 . 7/29/2011
I saw what you did there!
Bale is so Judge Dredd! XD
Loving the story, despite a few grammar and a lot of typos/spelling mistakes.
| Ozzie81 chapter 14 . 6/28/2011
Read through the whole saga so far in about 2-3 days. I must say I really enjoyed it. Love the theme, atmosphere and plot development.
A minor criticism would be that things get really mixed up and confusing during some of the action sequences.
Keep it up, eagerly waiting for more.
| United Systems Navy chapter 14 . 6/24/2011
Holy crap that was intense. Apsrt from the usul excess of spelling errors, this fanfic is unbelievblely well written and plotted. I like how the different plot elementsare slowly coming together. There are many memorable moments and your portrayal of the arbites and PDF is a welcome relief from Space Marines and IG, (not that they're unwelcome). Looking forward to many more chapters.
| Sammy Holzbein chapter 14 . 6/21/2011
Wow, that was a whopper of a chapter. Perhaps a bit too long for reading comfort.
So I was partly right with my Khornate guess after all. A three-sided war? Sounds nasty. Or not, if the Nids got all of them.
And who might be responsible for that explosion? It can't be anything else but a deliberate terror bombing. Poor guys. Having helped those young cadettes, only to find them five minutes later as immollated piles of ash. That boy with half of his face seared off was especially gruesome and memorable.
I'm curious what the repercussions for that event will be. Who did it, and how will the hive population react?
| Panopticon chapter 4 . 2/5/2011
Hive city beat cops of the 41st Millenium - what a nasty line of work! I'm about four chapters in at this point and so far I'm intrigued. I always like reading about the lesser known heroes of the Imperium, and the Arbites are definitely an under-appreciated bunch. It's great to read about mere mortals like us triumphing over the evils in the galaxy; the Space Marines have had plenty of time in the spotlight, after all.
Like I said, I'm only a few chapters in right now, but I have noticed your writing skills steadily improving. Despite some grammatical hiccups, you've got a lot of great ideas and they still come across well in the story.
Anyhow, I'll come back with more feedback when I've gotten farther into your story - so for now I've gotta get reading.
| Sammy Holzbein chapter 13 . 1/30/2011
Action, mystery, tention. This chapter got it all. Very gripping. Thanks for the enjoyment.
| KanzenSakura chapter 1 . 1/27/2011
Dude, hey its me guillimansknight
Its nice this is on here I don't have to go through the hell of scrolling Miles on Warseer
though the comments on WS are Funny.(sorry iv Not Been doing that for à while)
| Sammy Holzbein chapter 12 . 1/15/2011
Well, we're back with the Arbites, it seems, with an aftermath chapter. Then there are the first negative reactions to the Arbites ... they had it coming. No policing force with dogmata like theirs can keep such a positive reputation forever. I'm curious if the Representative will be more helpful in the future, now that the Tyranids have shown themselves to be heavily entrenched already.
| Partysane chapter 12 . 1/15/2011
Well then dear BladeMasterWolf...
First off, i like your story quite a lot, so i think it is only fair that i offer you a feedback for your effort.
The pace in which you write is suiting for the story and the characters are well made and described. Descriptions of various situations are vivid.
There are however some points of criticism.
First is spelling and grammar. There are quite some typing mistakes left which are a little annoying. Worst still, some sentences seem to have additional words mixed in that just won't fit.
Second thing i noticed, just as one of the first reviewers, it is sometimes hard to tell immediatelly when the POV shifts. That got better as the chapters progressed but is not entirly fixed.
Third thing are repetitions. Somewhere in Chapter 9 or 10 (if i remember correctly) you had five sentences in a row starting with "The", then two sentences starting with a Name, and then two with "The" again. In addition to that you seem to like certain words especially much, like ground-car. Maybe try to have an eye on that.
Next thing are descriptions. There were some descriptions of people and places where you could have been more precise. One thing i remember is that you wrote "the obsidian Arbites". The color of their clothing can be, but they themself are surly not obsidian. I think you get my point.
And i noticed some fluff stuff that was off. For example a lasgun has no recoil as far as i know.
Well that was it for now. If you think i am to picky... disregard everything i said. And just keep the chapters coming. I am going to be around to read them. ;)
If i was unclear about anything feel free to ask, i am not a native speaker so ...
| Sammy Holzbein chapter 11 . 1/11/2011
Awesome action scene. I was fevering along with the sodders all the way. It's really the classic horror film setting. Dark mine, humans in a group, shadowy figures in the dark, who's gonna die first? The only two complaints I have are the many jumps from group to group that made the story a bit chaotic, as well as the heavy focus on the Imperial Guard, and not the Arbites. Hope that the focus will go back to them during the next chapters. Thanks for the enjoyment.