|Reviews for Beyond Family|
| GeorgyannWayson chapter 1 . 5/30
Hi there :) sorry to say that I'm totally canon blind to LXG, so please excuse me for any misunderstandings that I may have here! Let's get started, shall we?
So far, the thing that has caught my attention and held it so firmly is your dialogue all throughout this chapter. I know you wrote in your AN that you weren't sure about accents and things, but you know what, I feel a lot of personality coming out just from what you've got here. There's a really relaxed, casual feel with Tom and the invisible man here in the first section, it's something that you feel from two people that have known each other for a long time and I like how even to me, it feels so natural. I think my favorite line was here: [you can change a name as easily as a cornered tailor can lie]. I'm not sure if it's canon to have witty things like this said, but I think it's very nice nonetheless :)
The meeting with all the members of the League at dinner was very well done and I think what I liked about it the most was getting a sense of everyone's distinct personalities in one scene, which is hard to do IMO. You've done a really great job really getting down interactions between the different characters, especially Mina and her different comments and even Skinner, too. The only thing that I felt kinda slowed things down was having a dialogue tag after every single thing that was said. I'm sure that you did that more to make sure that the reader knew who was talking and such, but to me, it felt a bit excessive and heavy. YMMV on that regard, though!
For the most part, your SPaG is great, but you do have some tags written wrong, such as here with: ["I would love to," she nodded...] since the tag that comes after the dialogue is an action, there needed to be a period after [to]. There's also an instance where I believe the tag BEFORE your dialogue was wrong, too. It's here: [Sawyer frowned slightly at him, "Nemo..."] I think there should be a period after [him]. I don't think it takes away from the story overall, but it's something to come back and look at if you ever have the time!
Who is Charlotte indeed? I hope to come back and find out about that soon! Thank you so very much for writing!
| 2000Aerobars chapter 4 . 5/12
OMG, you even checked maps for info?! Holy smokes, where do you get this info from already? XD
I love what you've done to Skinner. Apart from he probably cant walk in a straight line now lol.
Still, loved it and now I really wish Hyde had tied his spine into a knot.
Great job XD
| 2000Aerobars chapter 3 . 5/12
I love LXG's comebacks so much, good thing I was by myself when I read it because I was in hysterics. Love it, as usual XD
I definitely know not to mess with the League. That feeling of family really seeps in here
| 2000Aerobars chapter 2 . 5/12
Wow, Wow! WOW!
The way you wrote that with Nemo- Just WOW!
It's official. You're a legend, I wanna read as quickly as I can now XD
| 2000Aerobars chapter 1 . 3/13
aaw, this I like. A LOT, Great job XD
| Panic chapter 14 . 11/20/2014
The story continues . . . . I'm so happy! Thanks for the update!
| Artemisgirl91 chapter 14 . 11/17/2014
Yes! I missed this story. Can't wit for the next chapter!
| Amazon Gold chapter 13 . 11/12/2014
What an amazing story! I should have glanced at the word count before I started reading it at ten pm (it's now 2am) I see you haven't updated in a couple of years but hope you do eventually.
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 6/20/2014
Ooh, I loved this movie the last time I saw it... so much squeeful material for those of us literature freaks! Never looked at the fandom before, so this is pretty exciting.
Even without expressly writing the accents, you have a really fabulous handle on writing dialogue. It's been a long time since I saw the movie, but the way that it's written really brought me back into the world of the movie, and I could hear the characters from the movie speaking in their actual voices. I know from experience how hard it is to get any character from anything to sound right when you're writing, so I do have to say that I'm impressed with the way that you're doing this. Very nice flow, very realistic feel. Lovely!
"...unseen force smacked..." Slightly nitpicky, but I felt like this way of describing the blow seemed a little... over the top? It just seemed like the kind of thing I'd expect to read when someone was deliberately trying to sneak up from someone from behind and knock them out, rather than the more playful way that Skinner does it. Just a thought.
Very enjoyable chapter throughout. I love the way that you've captured the general tone and feeling of the canon story, and it feels like we have left off in a nice place after Quartermain's death. You've picked up the strings from the end of the movie really nicely, and that's something that carries on throughout. There's also a very distinct feeling of change that we get depending on which perspective we're seeing, and you're handling that very nicely.
Mmm, this Charlotte character seems quite interesting... I love the way that you're slowly introducing the mystery, so that there are different layers that we can enjoy and get a feel for before we're given all the information. Very nice pacing when it comes to how quickly to let the information go over to the reader.
I'm really enjoying this first chapter and looking forward to continuing the story! Really nicely done! Good luck on the rest of the story!
| wolfnymph1 chapter 5 . 4/15/2014
I think I've heard of the gem in a Ripley's Believe it or Not comic
| wolfnymph1 chapter 4 . 4/15/2014
Couldn't resist the Dickens reference could ya?
| czen chapter 13 . 3/18/2013
This is great, and super well written. I love it! Are you going to update it soon?
| Panic chapter 13 . 11/3/2012
Hey, great to see that you are alive and well. Once again, the chapter is fantastic. There is a small error in the paragraphs between Sawyer and Allan, where you left out the "w" in "who". But, great. And I loved the Jekyll/Hyde interaction. Perfect. Roll on next chapter
| Artemisgirl91 chapter 13 . 10/26/2012
I love this story so much! I can't wait for the next chapter!
| general zargon chapter 13 . 10/22/2012
Way to break up a serious moment, Skinner. ;) I LOLed at Allan's comment about Skinner putting on some clothes, and I really enjoyed how you wrote Charlotte's thoughts, and I look forward to finding out how her use-the-whale-bone-as-a-weapon plan works out (I bet it works!). :) Poor Henry, I wonder what Mina would think about it if she knew what he and Edward were talking about? I really liked this chapter, and I hope you update soon, because I want to find out how the rescue goes! Please keep up the excellent work!