|Reviews for New Traditions|
| JAYLEE chapter 1 . 3/17
I don’t know what it is that breaks me more about Deeks. Maybe the fact that unlike Kensi, his backstory (or at least the little we’ve got) makes more sense than whatever it is that they pretend to be Kensi’s backstory. Like, I find it hard to sympathize for her and all because it’s so fucking ridiculous whereas Deeks’ past…damn, it just kills me. And his admission here, that the soup kitchen was definitely not his first time, that he has no one to share family holiday with, no one who feels grateful for him at Thanksgiving, no one wishing him a happy birthday (yes bitch, I’m looking at you)… It kills me. It really does.
AND OH MY GOD QUIT IT WITH GORDON BEING A SON OF A BITCH BECAUSE I WANT TO KILL THAT SICK BASTARD SEVENTEEN TIMES OVER. EVEN IF HE’S ALREADY DEAD.
“Deeks lifted a hand, scratching slightly at the back of his neck as he searched for the words with which to fill the growing silence. In the end, he decided on full disclosure – she'd shared her reasons for not having real Christmas plans with him, but he wondered if she had any idea as to why his family was never part of the equation around the holidays. "Tonight wasn't a one-time thing for me," he said finally, watching the confusion flicker through Kensi's eyes before clarifying. "The soup kitchen – that's generally how I spend my holidays…well, the ones where I'm not too far undercover. Thanksgivings, Christmases…sometimes just regular old days, actually. The days that the - the memories play back just a little louder than others. You know, eighteen years in a house where you're nothing but a mistake who can make nothing but mistakes can really screw a kid up." He forced a nonchalant smile, but Kensi knew him enough to see right through that. "Can't tell you how many years I spent sitting at the table trying to choke down Christmas dinner while having to listen to my dad go on and on about the same things year in and year out. Damn it, Marty, why can't you grow the hell up and stop throwing your life away? Ungrateful, selfish, useless kid – somebody oughta take that stupid surfboard and knock some sense into that empty head of yours." Pausing, he attempted to chuckle, though it sounded hollow even to his own ears. "And then he got a few beers in him and tried to do just that. Little more amusing than the shotgun incident at Thanksgiving, but, ah…"
Pursing his lips, he glanced downward briefly, just long enough for Kensi to see that though he fought his demons with humor and sarcasm, they were still demons. Though he laughed about it, though he managed to shrug it off, it clearly still affected him. "Deeks…"
Another quiet, forced chuckle. "So, yeah, Christmas dinner with the Deeks family…not a very merry affair. Kind of ruined any decent impressions I might've had about the holidays." His eyes found Kensi's again before he continued. "So I spend my Christmases helping out in the soup kitchen - it's a lot better than just sitting at home alone, for me anyway. I guess your guy Nate would say I have some deep-seated need to prove that I'm good for something, contrary to popular belief…" He smirked. "But at this point, the company is just nice, and I enjoy helping out. And yeah, I guess it does help me forget…certain things."” YOU ARE GOOD BABY. YOU ARE WORTHY. OF LOVE. OF RESPECT. I LOVE YOU. AND SO DOES YOUR KIKI.
Let’s still quote:
“Kensi nodded in understanding, her lips quirking upward in the slightest of smiles. "What a pair we are, huh?" she quipped, her voice still rather thick with emotion. It took her by surprise then, just how much the distance between them had diminished; sometime during his story, he'd shifted closer to her, or maybe she'd come closer to him…she couldn't say. All she knew was that any other time, she might have punched his shoulder for invading her personal space. Not now, though. Now she couldn't deny that his closeness brought her the same comfort she'd found for the greater part of the evening, and like he'd suggested hours earlier, Kensi didn't particularly want to end it. Surprising herself even further, she found herself appreciating the growing openness between them, even if it did come at the expense of a bruise on her forehead and tears still clouding her eyes. Blinking a few times, she tried to force away that lingering, stubborn moisture.
Deeks gave a quiet hum of amused agreement. "Maybe. But we make a good team," he murmured, and before he could stop himself, he'd lifted a hand to her face. Tenderly he ghosted his fingertips over the still-growing bruise at her forehead before letting his touch drift lower, softly cupping her cheek. With his thumb, he slowly smoothed away the stray moisture that had escaped despite Kensi's best efforts to halt it. And between his sudden proximity to her and the sheer tenderness of his touch, Kensi felt the flutter of butterflies as they awakened in her stomach. TWO ARE THE BEST AND NEED TO MAKE BABIES RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HOT, GORGEOUS PEOPLE DO. THEY MAKE THIS PLANET A BETTER PLACE.
MAYBE YOU NEED SOME NEW TRADITIONS! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! LIKE UNWRAPPING THE BEST PRESENT OF ALL ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! #SEEWHATIDIDTHER ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! All the exclamative loophole! KISS KISS KISS KISS I CANNOT
WHY ARE YOU BREAKING THAT KISS BABY? GIMME A REASON. YOU’RE AN IDIOT BUT I STILL LOVE YOU. “As the kiss drew on, the back of Deeks' mind slowly began to reawaken. Thoughts were hazy at first, but they soon cleared, and though her whimper of protest very nearly drew him back in, Deeks slowly broke that connection between their lips; other than that, though, he didn't move. Didn't speak, either – all the thoughts in his head that he'd tried to craft together into something he could articulate all shattered into pieces with a single whispered word from her lips. "Stay…"
She didn't give him time for anything more than that. Shaking her head slightly, she tried again, knowing exactly how her plea had sounded. "I – I don't mean…" She trailed off, unconsciously tracing her tongue over her lips; the taste of him lingered there and again Kensi nearly whimpered. In the back of her mind, she knew she'd probably hate herself for this in the morning; after all, she was a mess tonight. The case had gotten beneath her skin, Talbot had gotten beneath her skin, Deeks never didn't get under her skin, and beyond all else, she was rattled and hurt and lonely. She just didn't care right now. It wasn't that she needed something physical tonight; she just needed someone to be there. And it wasn't that she needed someone; she wanted Deeks. Exhaling deeply, she tried to steady herself; when she spoke again, though, her voice continued to tremble. Silently, she prayed he wouldn't make her say it again. "Just stay. Please."
Leaning forward, she tried to capture his lips again, but to her immense dismay, Deeks drew back. Confused dark eyes fluttered open, meeting an indecipherable ocean of blue. For the longest moment, he simply held her gaze, unable not to let his thoughts linger on just how adorable she looked right then, with her lips kiss-swollen and her cheeks lightly flushed and letting just enough vulnerability show through that it was all he could do not to scoop her into his arms right then – she probably wouldn't appreciate that very much, though.
It was truly an impossible dilemma he was left with. He couldn't deny her, but how could he oblige her? Especially tonight, especially after today. Letting his fingers slip from her hair, Deeks gently cupped her chin, making sure their eyes never broke contact as he spoke, his voice low, somewhat hoarse. "Kens, I – I can't be Jack. You know that."” SHE KNOWS THAT. AND YOU’RE THE ONE SHE WANTS. YOU, YOU PERFECT IDIOT.
“Whatever she was expecting, it wasn't that. There were a million places she could take that, from hurt to disbelief to confusion to anger to indifference and back again so many times that her head would spin. And all of the emotions would be real, there was no denying that; she was raw, she was open, she'd come as close to being face to face with her past today as she could without literally being face to face with Jack again.
She'd told Deeks earlier that she hadn't gone after Jack because maybe she'd been hoping Jack would come after her.
It wasn't until today that Kensi realized that she didn't want that at all.
Her thoughts were racing, but with a deep sigh, Kensi forced them all to shut down. All of them, except for the one truth that, in that moment, shined brighter than all of the others. "Good, because I don't want you to be," she whispered.
And that time, as she moved in to kiss him again, he didn't resist.
Nor did he resist when she asked him, one more time, to stay.”
OZJIFPZOEIHFBGRHDEJZODEJNFJIEODJFHR I HAD TO CUT THINGS SO I COULD FANGIRL BUT I NEEDED TO LEAVE THE ENDING UNTOUCHED BECAUSE OF PERFECTION. DAMN. GIMME ALL THE CHRISTMAS STORIES EVER.
| JELLZ chapter 1 . 3/17
“And Deeks, who had to do little more than smile at her to have her wondering just what might be lurking out there, just beyond the boundary between first dates and second dates.” Fucking? I think that when two people are as undeniably hot as you two are, there’s no point waiting for the third date or whatever. You should have been fucking back in Hand to Hand.
“And that brought out the other side of her dilemma. On one hand, it did feel like a betrayal to feel that way, whatever that way actually was. On the other hand…it had been six years. For how long was she supposed to play this game with herself, this game where she'd convinced herself that all she needed in a personal relationship was what she could get from a first date? How long was she supposed to fight what could easily be genuine feelings? She didn't know; couldn't say because she hadn't felt them since Jack. She hadn't believed she could feel them after Jack.
And now Deeks was in her head; in her head and under her skin, and from there she really didn't want him to leave because before that, she hadn't realized just how truly lonely she'd been for the past six years. Kensi didn't want to return to that.” Under her skin, uh? I think you could have just said inside her there. And of course she doesn’t want him to leave! Not because she’s been lonely, but because she loves him! But it’s totally Kensi to try to put that on the fact that she’s just feeling lonely and misses having a warm body beside her in bed. You’re so delusional, girl. You love him, period. And it scares you shitless because you never thought you’d love someone again. But you do, so embrace it. And him, that giant, adorbz puppy who would go to the ends of the earth for you.
“Her eyes had become unreadable; she'd shifted her emotional shield back into place, Deeks figured. "If you don't want to, it's fine," she said quietly, the soft words cutting through the heavy silence like a blade. "Long day, you know? Like I said, I just thought maybe we could relax a bit, have a beer or something."
Deeks lifted a brow, thinking back to the conversation they'd shared earlier. "Just a beer?" he prompted, hoping to elicit a smile from her once again.” Just a beer and your sword. Though Kensi is one classy chick, so she’d be the kind of girl to sip her beer while Marty’s using his magic tongue, like nothing’s happening until the moment it slips from her fingers because omg this man is talented and wicked.
“Not only did Kensi smile; even though it intensified her growing headache, she gave a full laugh. "Well, if you're up for Christmas dinner, I'm sure we can find some ice cream to go with it." She shrugged. "Who the hell needs turkey and ham and cranberry sauce?"
Deeks smirked, shaking his head lightly in false disdain. "That's my classy Kensi."” MY CLASSY KENSI! MY KENSI! HIS KENSI!
“She ignored that; well, most of it. Kensi couldn't quite deny that his use of the possessive, however teasing, had caused her heart to turn a little flip in her chest. Or maybe that was his smile – she couldn't be fully sure.” HIS SMILE. HIS FLOPPY HAIR. HIS OCEAN EYES. HIS ABS. CHOCOLATE SAUCE ON HIS ABS.
“Forcing away the slight pang of guilt she still felt, she tilted her head, a small, inviting smile at her lips. "What do you say, hmm?"” IT’S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY YES
“It was odd, she had to admit. She wasn't trying to push him away; in fact, she wanted to stop him from walking away.” Awww! She wants him to stay forever! #allexaggerationaside
“When she'd said them, though, it had been almost as though a silent understanding had passed between them, a silent forging of trust. She'd felt as though a door had opened between them; now, as Deeks repeated the words back to her, she couldn't help but feel as though that door had been closed. And it was puzzling; Deeks was always the one pushing her, getting under her skin, drawing closer to her. And now that Kensi had ceased trying to back away, it was almost as though he were taking a step back.” Well you know what, Kensi? You better not break up with him once he saves your sorry ass because you fucking asked him to promise he will be patient with you. And he’s always been. And I hate you. #hatingkikiisalwaysrelevant
“And it angered her almost as much as it disappointed her – the reason for all of this was obviously the story she'd shared with Talbot. "Because of Jack?" she asked before she could stop herself.” Well, girl… What did you expect? It was kind of a bomb. “Oh, hey, I’m not visiting family because I have no one ever since my fiancé left me. Oh, you didn’t know? Sorry not sorry.”
“"And because I'm guessing you've got one hell of a headache – I never make those any better for you," he joked. "You tell me that all the time – this time, I'm just not going to wait for you to yell at me first. Consider it your Christmas present," he added lightly. "Even if it's not as fantastic as the scarf you gave me."
"I didn't give you that scarf. And I want it back."” SHUT UP KENSI YOU KNOW HE LOOKS HOT WITH THAT SCARF. OR WITHOUT IT.
QUOTING BECAUSE I AM TOO EMOTIONAL TO DO ANYTHING ELSE AND BECAUSE I LOVE THAT SEGMENT SO DAMN MUCH:
“This time, he'd only just turned around before she stopped him again, this time with a revelation that he already knew. "I don't have family in Seattle," she blurted out, slowly crossing her arms over her chest. "That was just…I didn't want anybody to ask questions."
"And it worked. It always works. Except on you, apparently." Closing her eyes, Kensi drew in a deep breath, already feeling the emotion threaten to swallow her whole. "Look. You heard everything I said to Talbot. I just…I don't do Christmas, okay? Whenever Callen and Sam ask, I always say I have plans, but I never do. I do a few gifts each year; something special for the few people I have to do something for," she said quietly. In front of her, Deeks slowly turned to face her once more, and though he didn't smile, there was enough warmth in his eyes to invite her to continue. "Other than that…I haven't had a Christmas since Jack – since he left. I don't put up a tree, I don't do any of that stuff because it's just…it just reminds me. And the ice cream and beer…" Pausing, she gave a quiet, mirthless chuckle, shaking her head lightly at herself. "It's not a family thing. It's a me thing. I sit on the couch late into the night, watching Christmas movies and trying to ignore the fact that the coming morning will be no different than Christmas morning six years ago." As the last words left her lips, Kensi met his gaze, fully aware of just how deeply she was opening herself up to him. "I make up plans so nobody will push, and yet, that's exactly what you did. You always push and it drives me crazy, but at the same time…" She couldn't finish; couldn't summon the words she needed, but it didn't matter because with one look into his eyes, Kensi could tell that Deeks knew.
She gave a small, somewhat sheepish smile then. "You pushed," she repeated. "And I…I think tonight was the first time I've really smiled on Christmas Eve since Jack. I guess…maybe I'm just not ready to let that go and turn in for the night."”
HE IS HER ONLY EXCEPTION! ! ! ! ! He’s the only one who sees past her walls and defenses and pushes through them. Awww! (adding The Only Exception to the KD playlist!)
And fuck, I want to quote what’s following too and it’ll get cut, I know it. Still, quoting of da awsum because my babies being open and vulnerable are so precious.
“For a moment, Deeks didn't reply, the only sound between them the quiet steps he took as he slowly closed what little distance remained between them. Honestly, he had no idea what he was supposed to say to that; that kind of revelation from the woman in front of him was something he'd never expected. A Kensi who trusted him with her life was one thing, but a Kensi who trusted him with the deepest emotions he'd ever seen her show? This was completely new to him, and everything within him screamed for him to be careful. Kensi wasn't fragile, but that didn't mean she was perfectly put together either. There were cracks in the façade; beneath the fearless woman he was certain could kick his ass any day of the week was a softer side of her, a softer side that he was seeing more and more little glimpses of as their relationship deepened.
And now she was standing in front of him, that softer side in full view. Reddened eyes, softly flushed cheeks, her guard not one-hundred percent down, but fairly close…the sight of her tugged at his heart, and while he'd suspected it before, at this point there was no doubt: it wouldn't take much at all to have him falling hard for this woman.” ALREADY DONE.
| Jelly chapter 1 . 3/15
“She didn't say anything, and Deeks took that as his silent cue to continue.” That doesn’t apply to when they’re in bed and he stops moving and whispers in her ear that he won’t move again unless she begs for it.
I just love how he hesitates here, but he still NEEDS to say it. Because he can’t imagine how someone could say that about his Kensi; how someone could walk away from her. Because with all her flaws and strengths, she’s perfect to him.
“"I'm sorry about…about what happened. With Talbot, and with…you know. PTSD or not, it was still a stupid thing he did," he said quietly, and Kensi didn't need him to clarify which he he meant. "The last thing I mean to do is disrespect the guy, because I know he must have been something to be so important to you, but, uh…"
He hesitated, shuffling his feet a bit on the ground below. His eyes were cast resolutely downward, though the crystal blues did glance her way for a fraction of a second before he continued, his voice so quiet that Kensi for a moment wasn't sure whether she'd heard him at all. "Anybody who thinks coming home to you is like hitting the ground…they – they don't deserve you."”
“It was statements heavy with meaning like that that often had her running for the door, anxious to escape, whether from a first date gone too far, or from a conversation at work that had gone much too deep for her liking. She just didn't know how to respond to that; in fact, she had no words. On one hand, though Deeks had begun his statement by saying he meant no disrespect, Kensi couldn't help but feel the anger well up within her, as if Deeks had meant that Jack hadn't been good enough for her, as if he'd meant that she didn't know what or who was good for her even though she knew that wasn't what he was really saying. The anger was short-lived, though; overpowering that had been something in his voice, something in his words that gently washed over her, making her feel, for lack of a better word, special.”
Oh shut up with your silly anger because you do know deep down that this man cares for you oh so much, probably more than he’s ever cared for anyone else. And isn’t it the very definition of love? Finding someone who makes you feel special, no matter how silly or maddening or short-tempered you can be? Someone who makes you feel special and loves you even when others have stopped caring and loving you? SO SHUT UP AND KISS THE MAN NOW. Don’t wait until the end of the story, that’s just mean.
“Not for the first time, he was grateful for the elasticity their relationship seemed to have – no matter what happened between them, they always seemed to move past it and go back to how they'd been: friendly, flirty, playfully competitive.” Elasticity, uh? :P
“Hopefully, this time would be no different – hopefully the events of today would fade away along with the holidays; after all, he'd never really liked this time of year.” I want to snuggle him because you just know that his father must have ruined a lot of things for him, that there mustn’t have been a lot of holiday spirit in the Deeks’ household when Gordon was drunk or mad. :’( All the threes snuggling little Marty and kind, sweet, adorable grown-up Deeks. Because things used to be bad doesn’t mean they have to stay that way, and now they’re gonna make new traditions of their own. #seewhatididthere
“He'd taken two, maybe three steps before Kensi called out to him. "Deeks, wait." She waited until he turned back to her before cocking her head slightly in the direction of the indoors. "You sure you don't, uh, want to come in?"” I’M SORRY I HAVE TO SMIRK HERE BECAUSE COME ON KENSI, THERE ARE SEXIER WAYS TO ASK A MAN TO REACH BLISSFUL PLEASURE IN YOUR SHEATH AND GIVE YOU THE SEED OF LIFE.
“There was nothing playful underlying them; nothing teasing, nothing insincere at all, and from the man in front of her, that was something she wasn't quite accustomed to.” And yet this man is *this*. He can be serious and sincere and there for you whenever you need him. Whether you say it or not. Whether you ask for help or not – which you never do, and yet he’s always gonna be right in your corner. I’M GOING TO BE WITH YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. EVEN IF YOU DON’T SEE ME, I’LL BE THERE.
“Her words caught him by surprise; that much was evident in his eyes. "Come in?" he repeated, as if he hadn't quite heard her correctly.” Well, yeah, Deeks. It’s much more pleasant and a lot less messy, duh.
QUOTING OF DA AWSUM BECAUSE I WANNA:
“Even though she tried desperately to fight it, Kensi felt the heat flood her cheeks. She knew exactly how her words sounded; knew that if they sounded like that to her, then Deeks had picked up on it half a second before she'd realized it. That was one of the things about him that she found so absolutely maddening: he always seemed to be half a step ahead of her. And now, as she bit at her lip and briefly glanced down to the ground, she expected Deeks to utilize that extra half step. She expected him to see through to the very heart of her words; she fully expected to have to defend her invitation because she just knew, knew that he was going to throw out his usual playful quip, this time about how clearly desperate she was to spend her Christmas Eve alone with him.
He didn't, though.” HE DIDN’T, THOUGH. Because this man is not there to be just a punch line (or a punching bag, btw, bitch). He’s not just there for comedic relief. He’s there for you. By your side. And he knows that you’re damaged. He knows you have baggage. And he’s not gonna make fun of it, because heh, we all do. He’s gonna be there for you because you need someone – him – to be there tonight. No questions asked. Nothing expected in return.
“Instead, he merely took a step closer to her, his eyes searching hers just a little more deeply than Kensi could say she was comfortable with. It took everything she had not to squirm under the intensity of his gaze;” or the intensity of his thrusts.
“He chuckled softly, and suddenly, just as abruptly as he'd disappeared, playful Deeks was back. "You invited me in," he quipped as though that explained everything. "For that, you had to have hit your head pretty hard. I mean, the last couple of times I've been here…well, the only couple of times I've been here, you couldn't get rid of me fast enough. Tonight, you're not threatening me, so something must be up."” Oh, something is up alright. :P
QUOTING AGAIN BECAUSE I CAN:
“His words were playful, but even so, Kensi felt the sudden heat of guilt surround her as his implication sunk in. "It had nothing to do with not wanting to. The first time, we were running late for work and I barely even had time to jump in the car with you, let alone invite you in for breakfast. And last time, I…" She faltered then, unable to articulate the flood of thoughts in her head. Last time had been that other night he'd insisted rather vehemently on driving her home, after the debacle with the Russians. Stubbornly, she'd refused to get out of the car until he'd sworn to stay in the car.
She couldn't quite explain it, but that night it simply would have been too much. The camaraderie between them had been easy from the beginning; the playful back-and-forth between them was what had initially warmed her to the idea of working with him, having him as her official partner. She enjoyed having him around; wouldn't admit it to his face, but Kensi liked being with him. That night, though, it wasn't something she could handle – having him in her personal space, being alone with him…Kensi just kept coming back to the same explanation: it was just too much.
Something had changed that afternoon, at least for her, anyway. In the wake of the explosion, she'd crashed into Deeks, right into his arms. And Kensi guessed she'd been caught off-guard, but somehow, she'd also crashed straight into the sort of feelings she'd thought had disappeared with Jack – feelings she hadn't felt since him; feelings she hadn't wanted to feel since him.
There'd been only one thing she'd wanted as she'd gazed down into his eyes that afternoon. Only one thing, and it was very, very similar to the only thing she wanted to do anytime she found herself too close to him. On one hand, it felt so terribly like a betrayal to the one person she'd ever given her heart to, especially when thinking about the past and what had happened still managed to bring tears to her eyes. The wound wasn't fresh, but it was by no means completely healed either. And today had been the first time she'd ever vocalized what had happened; until now, she'd forced it away, burying it beneath a Kensi who didn't linger in the past, a Kensi who didn't let herself make the mistake of getting close again, a Kensi who refused to believe in love.”
BUT KENSI YOU DO NOT NEED TO BELIEVE IN LOVE TO FEEL IT. TO FALL RIGHT INTO ITS ARMS, AND THEN MARTY’S. SO STFU AND JUST LET YOURSELF BE. And omg, I still wish there was an alternative, deleted scene where she does kiss him in Deliverance. That would have been so perf. Swoon.
Also, the parallel you draw to Deliverance here just reminds me of how great season 2 was. So many great moments, paving the foundations of them in stones.
| HALF OF AN ASS chapter 1 . 3/11
I would like to start by saying that this is canon. They spend Christmas together. Not past tense. They do. So let’s erase Higher Power and Free Ride and whatever Christmas episode we had this year. She doesn’t go to Hawaii. They don’t get stuck on a ship, but instead go to Tahoe together. AND SHE DOES NOT GO TO FUCKING AFGHANISTAN.
THIS is law. End of discussion.
“Flowers? She didn't like them.” THEN EXPLAIN WHY THE FUCK YOU WERE SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT IN THAT EPISODE WITH THE JAG DUDE?
“Sweet talk? Not really; she preferred action.” Or more exactly she tries dirty talk and thinks she’s so badass and sexy but in all reality Marty is scared and caught in between crying and laughing every time she does. Not-so-little Marty goes down every time she does.
“Candy? Sure, she liked that, but Kensi would just rather buy it herself rather than receive a box of it from some member of the opposite sex who liked to think he was a lot closer to her than she would ever allow him to be.” Marty will quote that sentence next time she pesters him for candy, like that one time (multiplied by nine months by three) she rouses him awake at 2AM because she wants ice-cream and they already have 19 flavors in the freezer but duh, she doesn’t want any of it. (also, I’m scared because I can’t come up with any witty, sexy, filthy remark about being close to her and that saddens me ten times over.)
“Especially when it came from a certain messy-haired, surf-loving, usually annoying but strangely endearing liaison officer.” Is he also stupidly attractive?
“After the day's events, Deeks had insisted on driving her home.” Nope. I’m dead. I’m wracking my brains out on this, and I can’t find anything witty. Nothing but parking his car in her garage, or racing in her circuit. Lame. ;)
“She hadn't known that driving her home also entailed walking her to her door. Nor had she known that it included hovering while she opened the door. And that was exactly what he was doing – hovering – and Kensi had no idea why. She couldn't really say she was too opposed to it, though.” UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY. You fucking want him to pin you against that door. And then hover over you on your not-so-bare living-room floor.
“It was like it would kill him to keep his mouth shut.” Oh, but she likes that mouth and the things it can do, and she definitely loves it when…TMI.
| kryptoniansky chapter 1 . 9/26/2013
The way you capture these two characters is simply amazing. It's so true to them, yet with a special level of vulnerability and emotion that is very difficult to deliver in the inspiring manner that you have done with this story, and I have no doubt that's it's also in your other stories involving Kensi and Deeks. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece of writing, and I think you have done some of the best work for Kensi/Deeks that I have seen thus far. Wonderful. Keep it up! And thank you for sharing this for us to read.
| Biank Radcliffe chapter 1 . 9/23/2013
I die because of all the feelings every time I read one of your fics.
Perfection, they are pure perfection.
| Lydian Stone chapter 1 . 9/6/2013
You are a master at getting in their heads. I love your writing style and how much meaning you infuse into their slightest tells.
| jmlane1966 chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
One of the best episode tags I've ever read. You captured the complicated nature of their relationship and their intense feelings for each other so well. You kept them on character and yet pushed them a little further. Wish the writers on the show had let the relationship bloom like this.
| MissAlesig chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
Seriously Jess, how can you just be this awesome all the time? You can't write anything less than awesome, it’s impossible. You're just flawless! It's ALWAYS awesome! Did I mention this is awesome? ;P
So I really loved this piece, you did an amazing job, as always, getting into the little things of this awesome episode and just add your tidbits and make everything even better. This is just beautiful! Loved that you linked this episode with the previews one, 'Deliverance', and loved the way you dealt with the whole Jack story. ;)
I really enjoyed everything. The awkwardness between KD, in the beginning, the way Deeks was so sweet and worried about Kensi, the way he felt that he needed to talk to her to make her feel like she’s worthy and that Jack didn't deserve her. So very Deeks of him. He just couldn't keep his mouth shut! He just keeps pushing her, but at the same time, he still manages to respect her and he knows when he needs to back off, if he sees he's gone a little too far. (ughh, sorry for my English, it’s a mess today)
And the way you just wrote this about Kensi:
"It was statements heavy with meaning like that that often had her running for the door, anxious to escape, whether from a first date gone too far, or from a conversation at work that had gone much too deep for her liking."
I could see Kensi setting her alarms on and getting all of her defensive walls up, but surprisingly, she didn't close off. She invited Deeks in. She really wanted him to keep her company. But Deeks was even more surprising: "Maybe another time"
WHAT?! Maybe another time? Are you kidding me?!
At this point I just wanted to punch Deeks in the arm, and yell "WHAT THE HECK DEEKS?! WHY ARE YOU INSISTING IN LEAVING KENSI, WHEN IT’S SO CLEAR THAT ALL SHE WANTS IS FOR YOU TO KEEP HER COMPANY?! I was really mad at Deeks, disappointed even, and could almost felt Kensi's disappointment. I really wasn't getting why he kept turning her down.
And then, in an almost desperate attempt to keep him from leaving, Kensi opens up her heart and starts sharing some big revelations. So honest, so intimate and heartbreaking, that I wanted Deeks to hug her right there.
"And now she was standing in front of him, that softer side in full view. Reddened eyes, softly flushed cheeks, her guard not one-hundred percent down, but fairly close…the sight of her tugged at his heart, and while he'd suspected it before, at this point there was no doubt: it wouldn't take much at all to have him falling hard for this woman." Awwww
But instead of hugging her, he starts sharing his Christmas experiences as well, so emotional and equally heartbreaking, that I seriously needed them to kiss their pain away. But instead, he just “(…) lifted a hand to her face. Tenderly he ghosted his fingertips over the still-growing bruise at her forehead before letting his touch drift lower, softly cupping her cheek. With his thumb, he slowly smoothed away the stray moisture that had escaped despite Kensi's best efforts to halt it. And between his sudden proximity to her and the sheer tenderness of his touch, Kensi felt the flutter of butterflies as they awakened in her stomach. Butterflies.” (Seriously Jess, were you trying to kill us here?)
And then SHE kisses him! I could say all this amazing things about the kiss and how much It was perfect, “The softness of her lips against his was almost hypnotizing; his entire mind had short-circuited the moment her lips had captured his. She tasted sweet, but of what he couldn't tell – he could only place it as Kensi.” (…) And damn, all he wanted was more. More of this, more of her, but…”
Dammit! Why did he had to break it off?! But what almost killed me was the almost desperate plea from Kensi’s:
Was only then, that I finally realized why he kept turning her down, "Kens, I – I can't be Jack. You know that." Awww! Now it all made sense!
"Good, because I don't want you to be," 3 3
The only thing left to say is that you're a genius! No words can’t ever make you any justice; you’re just so bloody brilliant! So, please, Jess, can you just go back to writing? I miss your enthusiasm about it and I know you must be missing it too. We are ALL waiting for more awesomeness from you ;)
| Celia Stanton chapter 1 . 8/11/2012
So Kris has the Little League World Series qualifier on (don't ask), I have the Red Sox on (no, I don't know either) and I'm reading Christmas fic. This does not strike me as odd at all. No, really, it doesn't, because I don't give a flying squirrel when this is set, because it's so profound and perfect that it honestly doesn't matter. The strength of the words and the sentiment defy any canonical timeframe, and to me, that's the hallmark of a great story.
I think my favorite part of this is just how gently we're reminded that for all their perceived differences, these two really are cut from similar cloths, and while it's a story subtly told, it's still massively resounding. I hate to sound like a broken record, but again, it's that gorgeous, quiet intimacy you do so beautifully. There's ground gained, and you let THAT be the point, not what comes after it. It is what it is; you lay it out as openly and honestly as these circumstances and characters will allow, and it's really just beautifully executed.
"It was statements heavy with meaning like that that often had her running for the door, anxious to escape, whether from a first date gone too far, or from a conversation at work that had gone much too deep for her liking. She just didn't know how to respond to that; in fact, she had no words. On one hand, though Deeks had begun his statement by saying he meant no disrespect, Kensi couldn't help but feel the anger well up within her, as if Deeks had meant that Jack hadn't been good enough for her, as if he'd meant that she didn't know what or who was good for her even though she knew that wasn't what he was really saying. The anger was short-lived, though; overpowering that had been something in his voice, something in his words that gently washed over her, making her feel, for lack of a better word, special." Seriously, woman? SERIOUSLY?!
"Not for the first time, he was grateful for the elasticity their relationship seemed to have – no matter what happened between them, they always seemed to move past it and go back to how they'd been: friendly, flirty, playfully competitive." Legimately the best description of their partnership ever. And I seriously mean EVER.
"A Kensi who trusted him with her life was one thing, but a Kensi who trusted him with the deepest emotions he'd ever seen her show? This was completely new to him, and everything within him screamed for him to be careful. Kensi wasn't fragile, but that didn't mean she was perfectly put together either. There were cracks in the façade; beneath the fearless woman he was certain could kick his ass any day of the week was a softer side of her, a softer side that he was seeing more and more little glimpses of as their relationship deepened." O HOLY NIII-IGHT JESS HAS FINALLY KILLLLLLED ME.
"The days that the - the memories play back just a little louder than others." No smart-assery, no silly comment, nothing here, because this is just gorgeous. Seriously, mindnumbingly, stop in your tracks and just breathe it in PERFECTION. And I know I say that to you a lot, but here it's not hyperbole. Honestly, it's one of the most impactful and REAL lines I've ever read from you. Amazing.
| ImpactedJudgment chapter 1 . 7/26/2012
I've actually been thinking about S4's Christmas episode lately. Mainly what'll transpire between Deeks and Kensi. She won't be leaving to Hawaii or any other state to investigate anything, so...
Lol, I think it literally would kill Deeks not to say things. He just cannot say what's on his mind, which I think is perfect when it's Kensi-related. It's always just what she needs! :)
I love that she kissed him, that she insisted he stay. And that's cuz from where stand she's more far fine than Deeks.
If not on the emotion meter, for sure on the denial meter. And like I told you once before: the harder you deny things the bigger than you'd like to admit they really are. IMO ;)
| ZBBZL chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
You had me near in tears a couple times. Happy, filled with awe tears, though. The way she lets him in past those walls, lets him see not as fierce and tough as usual; these confessions, how they both see the day, the need for new traditions. How they can make their own together. It's like you write a perfect line, and then add another and another until it's an entire perfect story.
| anonkp chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
| roswellwbfan chapter 1 . 3/6/2012
| shad75 chapter 1 . 2/18/2012
Outstanding. My favorite of the 4 I read so far (yes, yours are the only fics so far that I've read on Densi and I don't want to read anymore until I finish all of yours and I see I have a long way to go!).
The slight problem is, I can't recall this episode! I mean, I can recall this guy who was faking and Hetty recycling the Christmas gifts at the end but I can't remember Jack. I do recall vaguely Kensi mentioning an ex but the thing is, when you like a show but don't love it, I guess you don't pay as much attention or keep things in your head as much as when you love the show! I will definitely rewatch this episode as soon as I get home cos I must know about this Jack.
So sad what they both do each year for Christmas, her alone at home watching movies with no tree and him at the soup kitchen. They both deserve so much more.
Since I am a relatively new fan, I don't know much about the characters. Do you have any idea how old Kensi and Deeks are?