Reviews for The League of Legends Vol 2
Time's Quill chapter 14 . 10/8/2011
Yeah, why did you bring the tennis racket? Frying pan, all the way!

Hey... I think I saw this in a movie once! What was it called... that one with the hugonormous monkey, a reaaaaally big building, and a DID (damsel in distress)?

Bye-bye racket! You'll be missed later, I'm sure.

Ugh, you and your hormones, Peach...


Diddy shows up. Significantly less aww.

You just did ;)

Ooh, ape versus... uh... dinoturtdragony thingy! It's on!

Or not. All that character development, down the drain.

Ha! Diddy got owned! Thanks Bowser!

Bower got buuuuurned! Well... sorta.

Haha. Peach is funny.

Today just isn't Bowser's day...

Awww... dangit Peach!

Yes! THE PRINCESS HAS CHOSEN! At least, until she next sees the Captain (-_-;) Who knows? She may stick by her decision. Then again, she might not. Feel kinda bad for the Captain (then again, dunno if he'd do good in an actual relationship).

Uh-oh. Not looking good for Bowser. Iggy betrayed him for power? Why am I not surprised... always knew the little moron was a power-hungry git.

Awwwwww... Peach... uh-oh, here comes Captain... let's see what she does...

Huh. Captain Falcon and Peach are so weird...
Time's Quill chapter 13 . 10/8/2011
Sorry if you're annoyed by my review format. I'm just writing as I read. I hope you don't mind!

Ooh, I feel so bad for Mario.

I love Peach's attitude towards life/kidnapping. So good.

Dang it Diddy! You ruin everything! Angry face! Stupid ADD Scrappy-Doo wannabe!

I feel so badly for the poor Princess.

Poor Toadsworth. Yep... that's Peach all right. THWACK! Stupid pervs...

I'm so worried about Bowser and his family life. I keep expecting Bowser Jr. to let his dad down somehow, and that'd be bad. I feel bad for his other kids, forced to live in their brother's shadow. Dang.

Pfft. Probably got kicked off the island. Uh-oh, I can feel sympathy for the ape coming along...


Hmm. I hope Bowser's attempts at powering his lackeys goes well. I really do.

Iggy's weird.

Keep it up!

Time's Quill chapter 12 . 10/8/2011
Whew! Got out there just in time!

...He still has the ring? That's weird... so now magic can create wealth. Why has Ganondorf not used this?

Wow, Wario, I'm impressed! That's pretty smart! Good plan!

The part where Link's eyes were introduced confused me. What does that mean?

Oh... poor Zelda... heh, called it back there, with Ganondorf's pride & joy, all those chapters ago! Yay!

Whoa, Zellie, information overload for poor Wario! Well, I'm happy to have heard this. I was wondering how this all happened with her and Link.

WHAT? GANONDORF DID WHAT TO ZELDA? DIEDIEDIEDIE! Oooh, I hate that man! He seems all 'normal' and stuff, but he's beyond evil! He's... he's... gr. Next time we see 'im, I hope it's Zelda (and Link) that run him through. were carrying a mini-Dorf? Eww... is it... is it good or bad that it was killed? Poor Zellie barely covers it!

Ohhhhh, that's what the comment about the eyes meant! Duh, I'm so stupid!

Yeah, Wario, you spoiled it! She spent all that effort not to say 'rape' and you said it! Gr. Nah, I'm just kidding. It's really good that he's doing this for her. She needs it.

Ooh, Zellie's piiiiiiiiiissed. Don't usually swear, except in situations that really deserve it. This deserves it. Wario, you should probably run away. Really fast.

Ha! The image of Red, Blue, and (sorta) Vio chasing Wario around a room is, uh, funny (where's a punchline when you need it?)

Ooh, that's good! Wario, I'm sure that Zelda will approve of the use of gas in situations such as this. It's probably good that you save it as a weapon for later.

Poor Zelda...

Ooh, I take that back. Poor Link clone. 'Hell hath no fury as Zelda pissed.' Yep. That's really the original statement, it was just edited because no one knew who 'Zelda' was or what 'pissed' meant at the time. A time with no Legend of Zelda... don't wanna think about it.

Huh. Didn't see that coming. Thought Young Link would join 'em for a second there. Then Midna comes along and goes 'screw it' and BOOM! Vicious!

Awww, Ike and Lyn got together! Finally!

Wait... where'd Diddy go?


...huh. Well, ain't that interesting?

Keep it up!

Time's Quill chapter 11 . 10/8/2011
Reviewing as I go along.

Ouch, poor Wario. Didn't expect to be schooled by da CHAIN! Fear the Chain! Ha! Yeah, Zelda's A LOT nicer than Sheik. Bipolar much? Sheesh!

Wow... he's improved! Go Wario! Go Zelda! Yeaaaaah Chain!

'Did you do that?'

'Me? Hurt a Moblin? Perish the thought!'


'Sheik might've had a hand in it, though. Quite a rascal, that Sheik!'

'You've got some serious issues...'

Midna! LOL. 'Bad boy' indeed... you know, I never really thought about it, but they really do fit each other, don't they? Hm... ew.

TINGLE! NOOOOOO! RUN AWAY! Trust me, Wario, you DON'T want to see his 'reward'!

Whew. Okay. He's not real. Ha! Imaginary Tingle got OWNED! Well, sorta. Good job, Wario!

Hmph. I doubt Zelda has no 'darkness in her heart.' There must be SOMETHING about that gray, drab, empty and ornament-less room! Some kind of metaphor, or imagery... but what? I don't think Zelda's empty or anything, I'm just throwing ideas out there.

...huh. Well, that room was, uh, unexpected...

Hah! Bet I know what Zelda's heart's desire was... (chuckles). Nah, she's too pure. Or is she...?

Awww, you left me hanging! Oh well! It's not like I have to wait for a few months for the next chapter, right? RIGHT?

See you in a few minutes!

Time's Quill chapter 10 . 10/8/2011
Awwww! That was so deep! I'm really liking the Master Hand/Crazy Hand sections. Poor guys, I never really thought about what it must be like for them to have random heroes just poof into their home and attack them. Sheesh! Stupid heroes.

Keep it up!

Time's Quill chapter 8 . 10/8/2011
YEAH PIT! That was awesome! Loved the first book, loved the Captain Falcon section, and THIS WAS AMAZING! You're a really good author! I can't wait to see what you'll do next!

hawktakesflight chapter 2 . 9/3/2011
Only you can make something like driving sound so incredibly exciting. "Emo-Sonic" got a laugh out of me.

Again the Bowser-Ganondorf differences; I find it very well done. It really gives the whole thing a sense of ... realism? and not just full blown good-versus-evil, videogame style.

Like the previous volume, this has moved out of the realms of fanfiction and into a full-blown novel. Incredible, incredible work.

hawktakesflight chapter 1 . 9/3/2011
My deepest apologies for not reviewing this volume until now. Honestly speaking, I have no idea why I haven't put you on alert; a mistake I plan to rectify immediately.

But on the chapter: I love it, if anything, it didn't sound like an Introduction more like part of the chapter proper. I've read your previous volume and I still reread this particular chapter over and over again. I particularly enjoyed the Bowser-Ganondorf interaction, and Bowser's goofiness and dialgoue - it's really incredibly well written.

Your writing style is really the kind of style I can only wish to emulate. And needlessly to say, incredible job done.

Ze Dybbuk chapter 19 . 2/24/2011
Had I not read in the "closing statement" on your profile that you were currently in the throngs of constructing original fiction, I would right now be zealously urging you to do just that. The fact is that you are an incredible author. You are talented in all the most important aspects of storytelling, from characterization and plot development and pacing and everything else that I can’t name. The sincere truth is that this novel has been both more engaging and better-written than over half of the published books that I’ve read in the last six months. And to think that THOSE people were PAID.

Given that this IS so well-written, I’m going to criticize it much harder than I would average stories. You’ve demonstrated your aptitude and also stated your desire for meaningful critique, so (to the best of my amateur abilities) I’ll provide that.

I’ll begin with a comment on the overall structure of the story. To remedy the “shoehorned character development” that you complained about in the first volume, you broke this volume up into several sections and then used each to expand a single character. Although this method did allow you to achieve more complete development than in the first volume, I’ve got bad news: it’s still shoehorned. Shoehorned, anyway, in the sense that each character feels restricted to their own given “section.” In a way, this is more like seven distinct stories rather than one big one. The lack of unity between sections made the order they appeared in seem arbitrary, as what happened to one character of course didn’t change what happened to another. The only two that seemed to have any relation to each other were Captain Falcon’s section and Peach’s; although, I’m sorry to say, that by the time we got to Peach’s chapters and she was wondering about what the Captain was doing, I was wondering about what he was doing too, having forgotten several details since it had been so long ago and had had so little relevance to all the other sections. Logistically, having later chapters echo details from earlier chapters might not have been possible because all the sections were, by virtue of the story itself, occurring at the same time. The story might have had better unity had all the characters continued to travel together (or even split up into just a few larger groups) and each individual gradually built up to their Crowning Moment of Awesome along the way. But that’s just a suggestion; the “seven deadly sins method” was still a very clever and exciting way of writing, even if it did have these weaknesses.

That’s actually my biggest gripe. Each of the sections are actually remarkably strong on their own, although I’ll still offer my thoughts on them individually:

WRATH: You really do the Captain’s character ridiculously well. Snarky, quick-tempered, and violent, he is every bit deserving of the section’s titular vice. His previously-unexplored back-story helps to provide a reasonable basis for him to rise above himself in order to extend mercy to villains he would have rather strung up by their own furry genitalia and repeatedly punched. Explaining that the Captain lost Jody in a LOVE-caused calamity and illustrating his bittersweet ruminations and uncommonly tender (for the Captain, anyway) imaginary discussions with her helps set us up for his otherwise surprising treatment of Peach in the later chapters.

The action sequences here, as in the rest of the story, are well done. Particular strengths of this section are, I think, the establishment of mood through devises such as the dour atmosphere of the pub and the contraband discussions between the Captain and the broken Saki as well as the smug Goroh.

This was probably also one of the funniest chapters. The Captain’s snark is infectious and makes for interesting reading. I especially liked the “disguise” Saki put him in for sneaking into Goroh’s.

GLUTTONY: The character development in this section wasn’t so strong, but then again, Snake and Yoshi seem to be relatively less important compared to the other LOLers, so I’ll concentrate more on the action and plot.

Given that Snake already knew about the “rape-laws” in Pokemon Land, I thought it was kind of bizarre that he still challenged Lass Crissy, won, and then asked to be paid just to illustrate them to Yoshi. The whole “rape-law” thing was a little bit of an eye-roller anyway, given that it has no practical value for LOVE, and Rayquaza’s later explanation just makes him sound too stupid to have successfully ruled for as long as he has. It seems like you’re just trying to prove that Times are Tough here in Pokemon Land. A more believable form of oppression might have been more (Super?) effective. But hey, then again, glorified cockfighting is legal in Pokemon Land, maybe the whole rape-the-loser thing isn’t so much of a stretch after all.

The battle with Red was pure genius, however. Snake’s explanation of how he knew that Red was a clone was very clever. Outside of this fic, I’m not a big fan of Dialga and Palkia, but you wrote them with sort of a tongue-in-cheek giddy irreverence that runs completely contrary to the canon’s sanctimony. It’s those brilliant little details that make your work such a joy to read. I found myself grinning when Red’s clone began deadpanning the Pokemon theme song.

SLOTH: The plot progresses in a distinctly nonlinear way through these chapters, and I was a big fan. The periodic flashbacks/interruptions to/by Palutena’s emotional discussions with Pit were fresh and playful and added a new layer of interest.

We got to see an incredible amount of growth in Pit, which was another reason that I really liked this section. Arguably, it was more through Palutena’s strength than through his own that he finally managed to vanquish Porky and Giygas, but Pit’s growth as a character, admittedly, has more to do with his relationship with Palutena than it does simply within himself. His feelings of rage and betrayal are believably portrayed. The fact that he was put at ease by the goddess’ final explanation without completely buying into her methodology was a very smart move, since it allowed Pit to evolve while still retaining some of the stalwart recalcitrance that really defines his character. His desperate (and failingly awkward) attempts to be badass are pretty funny, too.

The fight scene with Porky, Nook, and the Nooklings was slightly incoherent because the motives and opinions of Nook changed (or at least appeared to change) frequently. Pit’s own interjected opinions about Nook only exacerbated this. If a villain is supposed to be nauseatingly batshit crazy, this should be evident enough that we don’t also need to hear the protagonist’s thoughts of “Gee, this fellow really disgusts me.”

ENVY: Before I talk about anything else in this section, I need to talk about the apparently random switch in perspective. It is completely dumbfounding. I spent at least ten minutes reading and re-reading the first few sentences, trying to figure out what was so logistically different about this chapter that the change was required. I’d actually thought for a moment that you’d decided to take a quick break from the LOLers at the start of this section for a first-person Tabuu-ish interlude a ala Volume 1. Then I tried to remember if Meta Knight had perhaps been the narrator during the early chapters when the LOL had been together. That wasn’t the case…but if memory serves me you DID write from Meta Knight’s perspective for a short while in Volume 1, right?

It might have been acceptable THEN, just barely, since Meta Knight was sort of a “special” character, (or more distinctly, a once/pseudo-villain) who had lots of “special” (complex, introverted sorts of) problems that could have demanded a “special” shift in the way the story was being told in order to accommodate him. Meta Knight, however, has since been demoted to being a “mere” LOLer and as such has forfeited any right to warp the fabric of reality (or at least the fabric of this fanfic) around himself, and damnit I don’t care if he IS meta. If you were trying to subtly highlight the tongue-in-cheek nature of Meta Knight’s canonical “dark-and-mysterious” personality, or even if you were trying to do a call back to Volume 1, congratulations good sir: you are too clever for your own damn good. Were these your goals, they’re too subtle, and the change in POV is not worth the break in continuity from the other sections. I’m sorry for the anvilism, but this whole POV thing is just such a glaring, amateurish mistake, especially when the rest of your fic is so polished.

The rest of this section isn’t garbage, obviously. The drama was very strongly written. Nonlinear back-story makes another great appearance. And my inner fangirl went squeeing out of control when Meta Knight, uh, “dispensed” of the Kirby clone.
Ze Dybbuk chapter 20 . 2/24/2011
GREED: All that said, and this is by far and without a doubt my favorite section of the story. Zelda and Wario make an AMAZING team; so much of this section was so funny because of their obvious differences.

The real gem here is, again, the character development (are you noticing a trend?). Ganondorf’s “three trials” rooms of darkness, desire, and terror were a great plot gimmick in this regard. Zelda was forced to explain some very dark details of her past while at the same time providing a solid basis for her often prudish behavior. Wario gets a chance to put some of Sheik’s training to the test and prove his nobler qualities. And as if all that wasn’t wonderful enough already, the very mechanic of the three rooms is thrillingly clever; I’m talking about how Wario figured out he could exploit his heart’s desire room in order to get to Zelda’s fear room. I’m something of a sucker for those neat, smart sorts of twists. Ganondorf himself, as I’m sure you don’t need to be told, is your strongest and most abjectly terrifying villain. The endless litany of torturous deeds is what makes him fun to hate. The conniving he puts into them is what makes him horribly believable. Even the more powerful yet annoying and deluded Tabuu can’t compare.

Nothing deserving of criticism is immediately leaping out at me in this section, and to be honest, I’m loath to go searching for something. So please just accept some pure praise for these especially well-done chapters. On a final note, I’ll say that MidnaxWario is quite possibly the best and most awesome pairing in the history of forever. Wazza!

LUST: Between Peach pining for the Captain, and DK and Bowser pining for Peach, there does certainly seem to be a lot of lusting going on in this section.

This coming-together of Peach’s desires and misgivings is generally well played. The bizarrely sympathetic Bowser was a great mechanic for this. His solemn refusal to release Mario on the grounds that he is a “villain” might have seemed shmarmy had his need to prove his villainy to Ganondorf not been so well established. Peach’s failure to make a solid, comfortable decision regarding her Mario/Captain Falcon problem is a little frustrating, but I also think that that was the point. Peach’s character is in a constant war with her heart and her responsibilities, and even though she does eventually, begrudgingly (and also only after Bowser’s mockery) choose Mario, it’s very obvious that she wishes she had chosen the Captain. The result is that Peach becomes this fascinating, sort of tortured character, and her rendezvous with the Captain is strained and awkward.

PRIDE: The back-and-forth between Shadow and Sonic is really entertaining. Shadow’s feigned apathy is a good counter to Sonic’s boastful optimism. I was a little worried that the “hedgehog” section would skate into obnoxiousness (as Sonic and his kin seem to be canonically inclined), but the characters end up balancing each other out. Parts emphasizing the depth of Shadow’s personality were probably the iffiest, since these tough-guy-with-a-heart-of-gold characters are really overdone. You might have been better off just leaving Shadow as a one-dimensional character whose sole purpose was to emphasize Sonic, rather than trying to force us to sympathize with this hastily-developed, vague newcomer.

And the quote of the section is “I don’t need fake Chaos Emeralds to be awesome!” The whole thing is really, really funny. Sonic’s egoism is just wonderful. The equally egoistic (albeit migraine-addled) Riddley is also great. King Dedede’s hick mother is pretty much my favorite minor character.

VICE: And so we reach the titanic conclusion. After all the other massive fights and quasi-climaxes throughout the story, I wondered if the final collision with Subspace could possibly live up. I should really know better by now.

There were many effective details that supported these epic chapters, but one of the most important, I believe, was scale. The imagery of purple waves of Subspace overtaking all of planet Nintendo (a phrase I never thought I’d write with this level of seriousness) and the endless mobs of clones add a pointed weight to the situation. The LOLers, endowed with the Hands’ Smash Balls, have to travel across the world to find and destroy the Subspace Towers in what doesn’t amount to being very much time. A tone of frantic desperation, a feeling of being in way over one’s head, is established to great effect.

The fact that the final conflict had so many layers made it satisfying. Vanquishing Tabuu required that so many other things be done immediately beforehand. The Subspace Keys all had to be collected, sure. But in addition to this there were the sudden and unexpected challenges of having an army to defeat, towers to destroy, and a floating black glob of emotion-goo to penetrate. Toppling Giygas or Riddley alone might have made a satisfying conclusion had the story not had so much action, but all the quasi-climaxes throughout demanded that the actual conclusion would have to top these by far. You really know your epic is what I’m trying to say here, I guess.

Even amidst scenes of the most gratuitous violence, of Yoshis being torn in half and of Pichu facing down three aroused clones of her own father (Does Pikachu even HAVE genitalia? Where does he KEEP it?) you still pepper in your unique flavor of comedy. Tabuu’s constant existential wonder of himself (and especially his narration of it) certainly ensure that.

Despite the several petty nitpicks I had along the way, you managed to peg the conclusion, what is arguably the most crucial part of a story. Everything comes together in a completely satisfying way. After this massive journey, after everything you’ve taken us through, it might have been easy to dash this off and leave us hungry. But no, indeed, you absolutely stuck the ending, and of all the ways I could describe it, I think the best I can do is to say that I’m grateful.

The care you’ve put into this story is unmistakable. It is certainly the greatest fanfic that I’ve ever read and is deserving of so much more than the very limited amount of attention it’s received. Despite that, please rest quietly assured with yourself that what you’ve accomplished is absolutely remarkable.

I’ve put probably too much effort into this review (in retrospect, I should have reviewed each section as it went up instead of waiting until the bitter end and vomiting out everything), and yet at the same time I feel as if I still haven’t given what’s owed to you. The care you exhibit for your work is such that I feel certain you are destined for continued greatness. Please follow up with me, because I’m very interested in reading your future work (I promise to break up future reviews so they aren’t this obnoxiously long-winded). It has been an absolute pleasure to follow this. Thank you, thank you for publishing this killer story for us!

And please tell your sister I said thanks, too!
doggiefan chapter 20 . 2/15/2011
Beautiful. I'm glad to have seen this story to the end (?).

I apologize for not revieiwng in some time, but I was lost for words. But seeing this was the final installent (?). I still find it amazing that in a little over a year, you've managed to tie the whole big wide world of Nintendo (or the Smash Bro's realm) into this. It takes a big fan to go into every viewpoint in such a vivid way. I only hope that I can take a note from this and expand my stories as well.

Balladeer, thank you for giving us these two (?) wonderful volumes, and please notify us all should you find insperation to create another masterpiece.

EggplantWitch chapter 20 . 2/15/2011


AWESOME. But...does this mean that this is the end of the LoL? Nooooo. I need your awesome stories to remind me that there are some GOOD fic writers out there! Please say you're writing another fic!

All in all, though, I'm glad that I've been a reader of this fic from chapter one.
TJtrack99 chapter 18 . 2/12/2011
Um. Awesome. That's it. Love the whole idea of the Hands helping them out. Laughing at Tabuu narrating everything. Excited to see more. Will they get the other heroes free and all team up to take down Tabuu, like in Brawl? Including the villains? I look forward to whatever's up next!
Super Shadowsonic chapter 18 . 2/12/2011
Lol I mean the laughing one of course. Tabuu was narrating everything he did. Wow I'm surprised no one said anything sooner. Still I wonder if the LOL will be enough to stop Tabuu and restore the planet. But that's an interesting thought Super Peach.
Pikachuandarceus chapter 18 . 2/12/2011
Ah, jeeze! I forgot to review the last few chapters!

The latest chapter made me giggle, what with Tabuu narrating everything. Hah. There's so much I want to say about how well-written these last few chapters were, but i've no idea how to put them properly. Other than "Wow! What a great chapter!", which is quite an understatement, I can't think of anything.
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