Reviews for Charlie at Bella's 18th Birthday
Myra the Dovahkiin chapter 5 . 3/5/2014
great story. keep writing. update soon. I can't wait to read more! This is getting interesting.
may96 chapter 5 . 6/21/2011
I like your writing style
xoxlolxox chapter 5 . 1/31/2011
OMG that was amazin!
IWILLBeAVampire chapter 5 . 1/25/2011
is that the actual end or will you continue?
SparkleInSunlight chapter 5 . 1/2/2011
Awesome chapter, I love it!
Gone Gone Very Gone chapter 5 . 1/1/2011
Cool chapter. :)

~Randi
lechatfute chapter 5 . 12/31/2010
good story
atwtlover chapter 5 . 12/30/2010
loved it! it was really intresting to read from charlie's pov! please write more soon!
atwtlover chapter 4 . 12/29/2010
loved it! really sad that it ended! i think that you shoul keep going with the story just have charlie knowing!
Gone Gone Very Gone chapter 4 . 12/29/2010
This was really good. :)

~Randi
TeamEdward chapter 3 . 12/23/2010
That was so awesome, I love it!
CarlisleLover1234 chapter 3 . 12/23/2010
Love the story! Amazing job, please continue soon!
Gone Gone Very Gone chapter 3 . 12/23/2010
I can't deny that I find this interesting - however I find it extremely diffucult to read; see, a story is far easier to read when you do one simple thing - every time someone speaks in a new sentence, make a new paragraph. If you keep it all garbled up like this, your readers will get confused about who's talking and will most likely leave this story behind for greener pastures.

Example:

She winced as Carlisle worked on her arm. "I'll stay." Edward replied. "Why are you so masochistic?" she mumbled. Carlisle interceded, "Edward you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he is upset with himself and, I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now." "Yes go find Jasper." Bella agreed. "You might as well do something useful." Alice added. Edward narrowed his eyes as everyone ganged up against him, but he decided to leave and sprinted out the door in an unhuman speed, Alice left soon after; so now it was just Bella, Carlisle and me. Even though I know Carlisle is one of them and could be dangerous as they are, I felt a strange feeling of assurance and peacefulness with Carlisle. I decided it's time for me to talk and get everything straight here and know what in the world just happened.

This should be:

She winced as Carlisle worked on her arm.

"I'll stay," Edward replied.

"Why are you so masochistic?" she mumbled.

Carlisle interceded, "Edward you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he is upset with himself and, I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now."

"Yes go find Jasper." Bella agreed.

"You might as well do something useful." Alice added. Edward narrowed his eyes as everyone ganged up against him, but he decided to leave and sprinted out the door in an unhuman speed, Alice left soon after; so now it was just Bella, Carlisle and me. Even though I know Carlisle is one of them and could be dangerous as they are, I felt a strange feeling of assurance and peacefulness with Carlisle. I decided it's time for me to talk and get everything straight here and know what in the world just happened.

This is much easier to comprehend, and, no doubt, if you take this simple advice into account, you will find yourself with more readers. This is not a flame; this is constructive criticism . I'm only here to help you become a better author.

~Randi
FaNgTaStIc RoSe chapter 3 . 12/22/2010
nice Charlie's Point of View! never actually read a story with his pov for the "papercut" event!
SparkleInSunlight chapter 3 . 12/22/2010
That was totally awesome! Keep up the good work.