|Reviews for Bring Me In From The Cold|
| Cheetah9 chapter 8 . 6/29
A very nice story ! But why is it rated M? It should be T for the language "swearing" and the kiss only
| eenayde chapter 8 . 7/23/2014
Love this! Awesome story. Great job. Can't get enough of this... The ending was so good. Am sad it's over.
| eenayde chapter 7 . 7/23/2014
Aww... That's so sweet!
| eenayde chapter 6 . 7/23/2014
Lolz. Great chapter ending. Awesome job!
| eenayde chapter 4 . 7/23/2014
Wow! I am loving every word of this. Amazing idea, great plot, well-written story and very intriguing! Great job.
| MTSP-t chapter 1 . 4/4/2014
Here is some concrit for you:
I came to read this story based on your good summary. This is what made me want to read you story.
Upon first impressions of this story, the first chapter was very gripping. Overall, I enjoyed it right from the beginning line. You had a very strong opening paragraph, which is great to see - the beginning of a story is one of the most important elements to a story in order to create a "hook" for the reader. Because of the strong beginning, I was compelled to read on. Also, I loved the descriptions you used. The imagery was powerful and I liked the in-depth approach as to how you portrayed the characters, and kept them true to their canon personalities.
I also like how you made the setting of the story AU, but in a way that was true to real life. Because of this realistic take on setting, this helps me as a reader to identify even more with the characters - in a way making them seem more three dimensional. I can imagine exactly how they would be if they were real. You are pretty good at spelling and grammar, I don't have much to criticise on that.
I do have a few small nitpicks though with your punctuation in dialogue. When you wrote dialogue, sometimes you forgot to put in commas. For example:
"Not tonight Deidara. Sasuke has a tournament," should be "Not tonight, Deidara. Sasuke has a tournament."
A lot of the times when you had Deidara speaking and he puts 'un' at the end of his sentences, you forgot to put the comma at the end of the phrase before he says 'un.'
E.g. "Can I spent Christmas with you un?" when it should be "Can i spend Christmas with you, un?"
Also '"Watch where you're going asswipe," should be "Watch where you're going, asswipe,"
You could use an interjection like "Hey!" Karin huffs. "What where you're going, asswipe!" to add some effect.
Speaking of dialogue, you can afford to make it more consise by breaking up the dialogue early on. This way, long dialogue sentences don't seem so run-on.
E.g. "Look, Deidara, we're not close enough for you to crash Christmas. Kakuzu and me don't even do this thing anyway. It's not in my f*** religion...etc."
You could do this: "Look Deidara," said Hidan. "We aren't close enough for you to crash Christmas. Kakazu and I don't even do this thing anyway. It's not in my f*** religion."
You can get rid of "Sorry dude, talk to you later." This is not something Hidan would say, in my opinion. It's too polite of him. As rude as it is, he's more likely to just say "It's not my religion" and slam the phone down without another word.
Another thing concerning this section... "..." said Hidan with impatience. It's more consise to just say "impatiently" and get rid of "with" because it's an unnecessary word.
And I also found some syntax issues, but they weren't huge.
For example: "What? I'm f*** busy." Came the crude voice of the male as the phone was answered.
It should be: "What? I'm f*** busy," came the crude voice of the male etc...
Here is how I'd write it: "What?" said a rude male voice at the phone's receiving end. "I'm f**** busy."
'Deidara dropped the phone from it's cradle,' should be "Deidara dropped the phone from its cradle' etc.
Also, PS3 should be in capitals because it's a brand name.
Sorry for the really long review and the nitpicks, but I hope this helps you. Overall, i did really enjoy this chapter and I'll ask you to keep on writing.
A quote to finish,
"Don't watch the clock. Do what the clock does. Keep going." Sam Levenson
| MikoUchiha chapter 8 . 12/7/2012
I really enjoy reading this story, good job on it. :)
| CandyCat37 chapter 8 . 9/29/2012
This story was amazing. It pulled at my heartstrings with the child abuse and neglect that happened in the story. I almost (literally) cried. It was just so endearing. I was extremely overjoyed with the happy ending Deidara, Sasori, and Gaara received. You're an interesting writer and I am looking forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Until then, Peace Out!
| riptocs chapter 8 . 7/27/2012
Aw this was very sweet and touching. Just...wow.
| Pecha Pichu chapter 8 . 3/7/2012
This story deserves much more reviews! The second last chapter really made me cry *sniffle*. Poor Deidara. The way you portrayed Gaara and Sasori ... I hated both of them at first because of their attitude to Deidara but I loved how you made them slowly accept him.
The epilogue was awesome *_* Yay Gaara X Sasuke! I wish you expanded a bit more on that pairing though; "Itachi's brother" (I always likes how Sasuke is referred to by that by the Akatsuki members)
| BloodIcing chapter 8 . 10/15/2011
THAT WAS SOOO GOOD!
After reading this, MOST (not all) of the Sasodei fictions I've read in the past suddenly becomes somewhat 'cheap' lol
To be honest, I was interested at first because it had an 'M' tag on it, I was kinda... (okay , REALLY) hopin there was, you know, some smut, BUTTT
It surprised even myself to become hooked and keep reading this until the very end. They were very in character, I like the slight sadistic trait in Sasori that you showed when Sasori threw Dei the ICEball and split his lip. But then you delicately balanced his personality and always made him do those things because of logical and good reasons. And, yes, you probably heard this a million times but i'm still itching to mention it too, I LOVE DEIDARA'S childishness and his niceness and all his trying-too-hard and cute selfishness. Conceited, but somehow just makes readers pity and love him even more and more.
All the other supporting characters like Gaara and Chiyo and Ebizou and Temari also has strong personality that they didn't become as mere puppets to fill in the story.
I don't think it'd be as good if you'd put sex scenes or that sort of it to this. It's a breath of fresh air that I can actually enjoy a fic without the usual smuttiness. perfect beyond words.
| Frootloopasaur chapter 8 . 8/30/2011
I can't believe this doesn't have more reviews! It's such a wonderful and heartfelt story, I honestly loved it. It was so original, and well thought out. This is such a promising story, the ending made me want to cry.
I loved the personalities and characteristics portrayed in it; there was such an authentic feel to it. This was one of the first few fanfics I've read on this site, and I'm glad I've come across this one.
You've created such a lovely knit of family out of the Akasunas and Sabakus. I loved how protective they are of each other, and how hostile some can be. There was a nice vibe to the variety of characteristics.
I'm just in complete love with Deidara's entire character, down to his fake cheerfulness. It's nice how you've made him fake with his public art and so true to his private ones. It was so heartwarming to see how Sasori just accepted him at the end.
I'm in love with this story, and your other ones too (Jail Birdsequel). I hope you write out more; I simply cannot wait to read another!
| anacoana chapter 8 . 5/15/2011
Awesome! Really good, and so so cute, I love that Gaara gets to live with Deidara after his grandparetns died. :( I knew it was probably coming, but I liked them. Great story!
| DeeaE chapter 8 . 2/10/2011
waaaaahhh i love this storyyy
| Distant-Fire chapter 8 . 1/23/2011
Wow, that was one of the most amazing peices of literature I've read on this website. It was so descriptive, and eccentric. I found the imagery, and the fluidity made it a joy to read. I plan on reading your other stories, and am quite excited to see more of your work. As my AP English teacher often says to me, "thank you, reading this was probably a main highlight of my day."