Reviews for To Wrap A Present
I-love-u-long-time chapter 2 . 1/11/2012
Oh my gosh! Now that story was absolutely, hilariously, laugh out loud brilliant!

Perfect Bernardness, I could hear his voice saying everything.

"And you couldn't figure out that I can't stand poorly wrapped gifts. Even after all of that?"

"Oh, no, I knew that. I just didn't care. So . . . did you get me anything?"

"Yeah it's in the bedroom . . ."

"Woah, hey! I like you, Bernard, but you've got to at least buy me dinner first."

"WH-WHAT! No, I didn't mean! I just! I MEANT that I left the gift back there and that I'll go get it!"

"Great! 'Cause I was really not looking forward to being subjected to your attempts at being sexy. Somehow, I don't think you could pull it off—it's probably because of your cute little sparkly cheeks!"

Ahahaa oh the innocent pervy ways, I love it!

(btw, WTF is with my last review? Damn iPod going all spazzy Grrrr!)
I-love-u-long-time chapter 1 . 1/11/2012
That, my dear, was brilliant! I was laughing out loud through the whole thing and you've got Bernard down to a t. And it actually it is just like when I learned how to wrap presents lol.

"This looks like construction paper."

"Yes, well, you need to practice on a thicker grade of paper and then you can work your way to the better quality... What are you doing?"

"Wrapping a present?"

"You have to measure out the paper first! You can't just start... how much tape did you use!"

"I don't know! I just put some tape on it."

"That whole side is covered in tape! Here let me show you."

"Fine. Go right ahead. So, since you are busy doing that, I'm just going to go and . . ."

"No, you are not. You are going to stand right here and watch me very carefully. Now, you unroll some paper. Place the box in the center of the paper and roll the paper around the whole gift. Cut the paper . . ."

"I've figured that much out already, Einstein."

And

"Snip. Snip snip. Snip. RIIIIP."

"WHAT did you just DO?"

"I trimmed the edges."

"With your bare hands!"

"Well, I was using the scissors but then I noticed there was this piece sticking up..."

"So you ripped it off!"

"It's going to my mother! She used to accept macaroni necklaces from me! I doubt she is going to care that the wrapping job sucks."

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Disclaimer: Disney owns The Santa Clause and Bernard, even though David Krumholtz is partially responsible for the characterization, nor do I own the Lord of the Rings or Legolas. I own the nameless female character and the situation is based largely upon my own wrapping skills.

"I don't think this is part of your job description. You really don't need to do this."

"Of course I do. You are the daughter of Santa Clause. You are surrounded by elves. You are going to learn how to wrap a present."

"Couldn't I just drop off my gifts at the wrapping center?"

"Hahaha. No. And apparently I can't trust you to PAY ATTENTION to the elves in wrapping when they try to teach you so I have to do it myself."

...

...

... "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Ugh, here."

"This looks like construction paper."

"Yes, well, you need to practice on a thicker grade of paper and then you can work your way to the better quality... What are you doing?"

"Wrapping a present?"

"You have to measure out the paper first! You can't just start... how much tape did you use!"

"I don't know! I just put some tape on it."

"That whole side is covered in tape! Here let me show you."

"Fine. Go right ahead. So, since you are busy doing that, I'm just going to go and . . ."

"No, you are not. You are going to stand right here and watch me very carefully. Now, you unroll some paper. Place the box in the center of the paper and roll the paper around the whole gift. Cut the paper . . ."

"I've figured that much out already, Einstein."

"Just-TRY- to pay attention."

"I AM paying attention."

"Right. Ok, so after you cut the paper you need to trim the edges before folding the sides down. The corner pieces should look like triangles. So, why don't you work on one and I'll do the same so you can look over in case you forgot something?"

"Sure. Fine. Whatever makes you go away... shouldn't you be supervising the factory or brown nosing my dad, anyway?"

"Shut. Up. And. Wrap. The. Present."

. . .

"Bernard?"

"Yes?"

"Something doesn't look right."

"Ok. So tell me what you've done up to this point."

"Couldn't you just LOOK at it?"

"No. I'm at a critical stage in the process of wrapping a present. Besides, repetition fosters learning."

"Smart ass."

"We don't use that kind of language at the North Pole!"

"What? Are you afraid that I'm going to corrupt you; oh! Are your delicate little ears tingling from the impropriety?"

"Not at all. However, some of the younger elves aren't so accustomed to the vulgarities of the human world."

"Whatever, Legolas."

"Who?"

"Never mind."

"Stop trying to distract me! Now, what was the problem?"

"One side of my present is really short."

"That's why I told you to place the package in the center of the paper! Now you are going to have to throw that paper out and start all over."

"It's just paper!"

"No, it is time and resources! Do you think that the wrapping materials just magically appear?"

"Why not? Everything else does around here!"

"Name one!"

"Milk!"

"Reindeer."

"Excuse me?"

"We milk the reindeer. Why do you think we have so many?"

"That is so disgusting."

"Not really. Now GET BACK TO WORK!"

. . .

"Snip. Snip snip. Snip. RIIIIP."

"WHAT did you just DO?"

"I trimmed the edges."

"With your bare hands!"

"Well, I was using the scissors but then I noticed there was this piece sticking up..."

"So you ripped it off!"

"It's going to my mother! She used to accept macaroni necklaces from me! I doubt she is going to care that the wrapping job sucks."

"Let's- let's just keep going."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"I'm taping the ends down."

"That isn't a triangle!"

"No, I think it's a trapezoid . . . but then again it has been awhile since I took geometry."

"This present is wrapped in loose, wrinkled paper that has jagged ends and which has white marks in various places from where you tore the paper."

"So?"

"SO! Just give me the rest if your presents. I'll wrap them! Santa works very hard to give children all over the world beautiful presents wrapped in shiny, thoughtfully prepared paper and he deserves the same treatment!"

"It's just paper!"

Are definitely my favorite parts, that is exactly how I'd react in that situation haha. You should definitely keep writing The Santa Clause fanfiction, it's all absolutely fantastic!
Look-Who's-Been-Loki'd chapter 2 . 1/7/2012
OMG. LOVE. IT. I was cracking up the whole entire time! D
Invader Gilly chapter 2 . 11/11/2011
Oh my gosh! This story was hilarious! You kept Bernard completly in character, which is pretty rare for this site. I also enjoyed how your whole story was dialogue. It really added to the story, and I could hear Bernard's voice in my head saying this! It would be great if you could do another short story between these two, they had great chemistry :D

~Gilly
Rosebud5 chapter 2 . 11/4/2011
You make my life. Brava my dear. Merry Christmas to Bernard fans everywhere!

~Rosey
Animanizanny chapter 2 . 8/4/2011
You've got to at least buy me dinner first. HA! I love it! I was cracking up while I read this. Bernard is perfectly in pet peeve btw.
OceanFire9 chapter 2 . 2/11/2011
HA HA! Oh dear god, this was FABULOUS! Funny and VERY in-character, and the simplicity of the writing style as a dialogue only made it all the funnier. BRAVO!
SuperSupaFreak chapter 2 . 12/29/2010
Wow tht is the weirdest pet peeve everrr! NICE!
BleckBlah5956 chapter 2 . 12/27/2010
roflmfao!

niiiccceee

i love it

update soon
Guest chapter 2 . 12/25/2010
Awww Bernard puts glitter on his cheeks ;)
Maui Girl 808 chapter 2 . 12/25/2010
"Yeah it's in the bedroom . . ."

"Woah, hey! I like you, Bernard, but you've got to at least buy me dinner first."

"WH-WHAT! No, I didn't mean! I just! I MEANT that I left the gift back there and that I'll go get it!"

:P Oh the naughty thoughts of some children.

I love the last sentence, it made me laugh.
Maui Girl 808 chapter 1 . 12/25/2010
Oh god I'm getting a headache just listening to them argue. Really funny though! I'll give you that!
Guest chapter 1 . 12/24/2010
Oh my gosh! This story made me laugh so hard! .