|Reviews for No Greater Gift|
| Warner Bro chapter 1 . 10/4/2016
that was sweet of Tom to do
| acctdisabled chapter 1 . 11/19/2015
Hi, there. Your story was nominated for our archives in the Reviews Lounge Too forum. Please feel free to come and check us out if you want to learn more. However, I’m here to read and review your story, and I’m very excited to do so since Tom and Jerry was a cartoon I thoroughly enjoyed watching while growing up. First thing I noticed is that you have great description and really set the scene well. From the description, Jerry’s conflict as the food begins to really tempt him, and the ending with Tom and Jerry coming to a stalemate, it was a job well done.
I loved the paragraph ‘The brown mouse…Jerry’s tail twitch,” this did a great job of highlighting Jerry’s fear of Tom and how used to he is of hiding and getting away from Tom. Additionally, Jerry’s concern that Tom’s present was insincere or a trap was very entertaining to read- the tension and description there was perfect and set up the rest of the scene nicely. The ending of the story really did a great job of promoting the true spirit of Christmas while keeping both in character.
The rhetorical questions laced within the narration were done well also- it gave us some nice insight into Jerry’s character. However, a suggestion I have is to consider adding some dialogue, because I think it would really enrich the complexity of the situation and further the conflict that goes on- definitely would heighten Jerry’s fear as well. You did a great job of telling the reader every little facet, but why not show it as well? There were several scenes, such as the final scene with Tom and Jerry wondering what they were saying to each other and Jerry succumbing to his desire for food that some dialogue really intrigued me.
A few SPaG things, if you don't mind:
[Vegies] I assume you mean veggies?
[wines and seasonings] perhaps a comma after wines?
[then pointed….and then he stepped] might not need both ‘thens’ to increase efficiency there.
[openthe present] I noticed FFN often bunches italicized words into the next word, so this probably isn’t an error on your fault : ) There’s a few other lines with this issue so I suggest just going through and making the extra space.
Very nice work! I enjoyed your ending quote as well!
| Legendary Biologist chapter 1 . 11/16/2015
This. Is. Amazing. :D
The opening paragraph is full of beautiful and vivid descriptions. The effect of the cold weather on Jerry is described very well (love the quivering tail and whiskers). And it's cartoonish, which makes it even more effective. Heh, now I'm imagining myself watching a Tom and Jerry short haha!
The second paragraph is again, very much like the show's atmosphere and full of vivid descriptions. Jerry smells something delicious, and the scent attracts him. And Jerry starts to think of tasty stuff.
The third paragraph features Jerry's reaction, which is a very in character response from Jerry. Growling stomach, ha! And Jerry licks his lips and immediately runs out of the mouse hole to get it. That's definitely Jerry.
The fourth paragraph builds up the Christmas atmosphere and environment very, very well. White and red are Christmas' main colors. And [mountains of candy], in addition to building up the Christmas atmosphere very nicely, also fits because it's rather cartoonish.
Jerry's thought of Tom's possible attack is also very in character for Jerry. After all, Jerry gets his food mostly by outsmarting Tom, and Tom is never to pleased about that. ;) And being the smart mouse he has always been, Jerry is suspicious of Tom's possible scheme. Wonderful characterization there!
The moment Jerry sympathizes for Tom getting booted out of the house for doing badly in his guard duty really makes Jerry's character really likeable. After all, he is the one who causes that problem to Tom. Jerry helping and sometimes sabotaging Tom for fun is definitely Jerry's hobby, haha!
When Tom catches Jerry by his tail (like usual), I'm basically on the edge of my seat, thinking that Jerry will find a way to outwit Tom and make a mess. And very glad that you immediately include Jerry's thoughts. He's thinking of a way to trick Tom again, as always. That's very in character of him.
The gift part is very, very adorable. And Jerry is just being Jerry when he thinks that Tom is trying to trap or poison him or such. Glad that the food is real (those descriptions of the mini dinner table make me hungry, seriously). Apparently, Tom just wants to have a peaceful Christmas, ha. Or maybe he's trying to be nice during Christmas. But it's a fair trade. Every time Jerry goes out to steal food, Jerry is just trying to survive.
The last line is very much the show's spirit. When it's not Christmas, Tom probably won't be that nice again! Good thinking, Jerry!
What I notice here is the lack of dialogue throughout the story. Because Tom and Jerry show has little to no dialogue, this aspect is brilliant. And the characters are in character as well! This story itself is like a Christmas special Tom and Jerry short. ;)
A few stuff:
- [fruit salad, gravy, vegies] - Typo: 'veggies'
- [He could he not go for it?] - I think it's [How could] instead of [He could]?
- [But nontheless,] - Typo: 'nonetheless'
- I think FFnet has eaten the spaces between several italicized words and non-italicized words, such as [openthe], [threedifferent], and [hadto].
Fantastic! *applauds* This is definitely going to my fav!
| sbartist357 chapter 1 . 11/15/2015
This was very well-written. :) Your story has such a cozy atmosphere, and both Tom and Jerry are totally in-character. X) You did such a good job on this! Keep writing more stories! :D
| Ghostkid33 chapter 1 . 2/11/2011
Aw, that was sweet!
| Forestspirit101 chapter 1 . 1/23/2011
That was absolutely the sweetest thing! There are not enough stories like these that show Tom and Jerry's friendship. I love it_
| Coppergrass chapter 1 . 1/15/2011