|Reviews for Dreamwalker: The Intrusion|
| Angel Peach Blossom chapter 2 . 10/30/2011
First of all, I have to say how impressed I am! I can literally get into your head, and the detail here is just... wow, it's great!
I think this could get interesting! I do have a couple concerns however.
My major concern is that Seth knows the game Chrono Cross. In other words, he knows what will happen, and maybe how to prevent it. I never find that a good thing, especially since that makes your character like a Gary Stu. That's a Mary Sue just the guy term. You really want to avoid this if you can! Change the story around so that he can't predict what will happen next! Or heck, maybe aside from that beginning, you could change the story entirely!
Next is that Seth is basically Serge. I can understand if it was like... say a body swap or something, but I think of a Dreamwalker as one who walks dreams, not take the place of other people. Couldn't Seth have ended up in Serge's world, and both of which be the same? And since Serge doesn't have much of a set personality, you could have it where Serge could get the drop on him, especially if Seth planned on hitting Serge with a fish.
The final of this critique is another one I'm worried about. I'm not sure if Seth is in another world, or if he is actually dreaming this whole thing. However, either way, the problem is that all he can think about, so I've seen, is that it is awesome that he is in Chrono Cross. First of all, if this happened to me, and I'm sure many others, I wouldn't think on how awesome it is. I'd be shocked and then very nervous. Also, if Seth knows the game, he needs to think a little more clearly, considering the role he has been put into.
Now don't get me wrong, I am, as I said before, impressed by your writing style. I say this because it isn't often that I run into a new author that provides us with good detail, and write first person view well. Well enough that I can get in the narrator's head. It's just, I would have liked to see a little more difference to Chrono Cross. But I can't control your imagination, so whatever you do in your own story is up to you.
| Jayden Kelvari chapter 2 . 10/15/2011
Even though it's been almost a year since this story was last updated, I like the way you've kept it relatively true to the game. Though there are some people that frown on "self-insertion" fan-fics, I find this one to be done well so far. I'm quite curious as to which paths you'll take with this story since, as I'm sure you know, you can't recruit all of the characters on just one play-through of the game.
| FF and STH chapter 1 . 1/10/2011
Nice start with how the story began and hopefuly we can see what weapon he be useing in the story.
| NobodiesHiiro chapter 2 . 12/27/2010
Aint nothin quite like starting a new fic, id do it myself if i was further into my FF9 SI, but alas Im not, heres hopin for a new chappy soon, and sayin thanks for this one.
| NobodiesHiiro chapter 1 . 12/27/2010
haha, nice. Chrono cross is awesome, plus... well, i love SI fics I love reading, and writing them. Though, its hard sometimes what witht the small fanbase meaning fewer reviews, and everything, anyway, GO FOR EVERY CHARACTER! lol.
| ZShock chapter 2 . 12/27/2010
Oui! You're welcome :)
Beautifully done, by the way; I was expecting to see our main character as Serge, as things were starting to take shape. But this, this is a quite interesting new concept, well that's at least for me, it seems pretty promising
These funny parts, like "Kid must have felt remorse for neglecting me for all these time." Gwah! I love them, they give the story an unique touch, just like your sign or something alike :p It is like if, somehow, the pixelated souls of these heroes started to become real, human
Well, I think that's all I have yo to say; I like the path this fic is taking, as I'll be looking forward the next chapter with anxiety (:
| ZShock chapter 1 . 12/26/2010
I'm not here to criticize, so let's go to the point: I love it! Somehow, I feel identified with the main character. I've spent hours and hours in front of my computer, just to finish this and other games; I've dived thru my thoughts, all of them filled with virtual dreams; I've even found myself trying to sleep several times just to get a breath of that perfect reality that I wanna take part in...
Good job, I'll be waiting for the next chapter 3