|Reviews for Waiting Game A Grey Story|
| Punishment Central chapter 10 . 3/19/2011
And so...we come to the conclusion of this fun and powerful tale...
The first part of this chapter was memorable...along with a little bit of naughty as well. "clears throat". I like the "full circle" reference as well. I think Sara had the right thought.
Then we come to the ending proper, and the "uh-oh" moment has arrived. As implied, there is a sequel/continuation. What this means for Unit, what it means for Blue and Sara's budding future, only reading on will decide. Thanks, author, for the fine tale. You say you need inspiration to write more. It sounds like you have plenty to me already to reach into for more stories. I hope your inner muse finds them, and soon. We readers want more. Such a demanding lot, aren't we? Thanks again.
| Punishment Central chapter 9 . 3/19/2011
Superb. You focused on the wives and the family aspect, which is signature Unit plotting. That is unlike, mind you, the two official Unit novels that did nothing with the wives, only the guys and on a job. This shows that you paid careful attention to the high canon of the show more than the official novelist did. No offense to him. Anyone who's read them knows what I mean.
The chapter ending was no less solid. That medallion has become more than what it was. It has been with them throughout this entire ordeal. It has become a symbol - one of love but also one of hope for a healed future. It sounds like both Carlito and Sara are on that road.
| Punishment Central chapter 8 . 3/19/2011
Molly was portrayed very accurately in this chapter. She was her usual no-nonsense self. In addition, she approached Sara about the true heart of the matter in a subtle yet profound way. She drew the truth from her and started Sara on a path to realization and eventual goal-planning. Sara will need some help along the way, but she has a good road ahead of her if she can make things work. It's like Molly said, these aren't typical guys we're talking about. Then again, Sara has unique life experiences as well. It's safe to say that Charlie and Sara have a fighting chance. Let's hope the powers that be give them that.
| Punishment Central chapter 7 . 3/19/2011
Nice continuation/conclusion to the last chapter. Sara as royalty. Lol. That was good. Nice humor to wrap things up at the end as well. They should all get medals for saving the queeen - or was that the other way around! Lol.
| Punishment Central chapter 6 . 3/19/2011
Very powerful. You've labeled this as romance/adventure, but I think it is great drama. Shakespeare considered himself a dramatist foremost. Though none of us would claim to rival such a wordsmith, you definitely have the dramatist's touch. You're skilled at using nonverbals to illustrate emotive states of mind. The characters moments of trauma, ups and downs, are very believeable. Sara has been through so much and it will take her long to heal - though in some ways she never will. But Blue is at her side and there is a glimmer of hope. They just need to survive first! And as usual, your writing is economical and tight. You say a lot with less; your choice of words is precise and their application, surgical. Solid prose so far.
| Punishment Central chapter 5 . 3/19/2011
You created the practical imagery of a crash site very well and the practical things that one would have to do in that situtaion to stay alive - not to mention the fact they're being hunted.
Then there's that nice little bit at that end about a romance that is fighting to be but cannot be. If these characters didn't have it so darned hard already they might be able to explore that. Only time will tell, eh?
| Punishment Central chapter 4 . 3/15/2011
Wow. I think this chapter is self-explanatory, customarily economical on language and definitely escalates an already hellish situation to a whole new level. Ranger on!
| Punishment Central chapter 3 . 3/15/2011
As usual, another well thought out chapter. Charlie's humanity came out fully here and we readers can feel nothing but utter sympathy for him and a strong desire to right a bad wrong, as well as help Sara. I also really like the state of mind that Sara was in toward the end, along with Charlie's unsuccessful attempts to reach out to her. It was very believable and in many ways so. It was plausible not only in a story way but in a real life way also. And as you also showed, justice is rarely ever ideal or complete - just like in real life. All in all, a solid chapter that builds on the previous ones and opens the door to the next one. What it all means for Charlie and Sara, only reading on will reveal.
| Punishment Central chapter 2 . 3/15/2011
Damn good chapter, and for many reasons. No total details here for spoilers, but suffice it to say that...encounter was powerful and layered. Absence makes the heart fonder, subconscious desire and subsequent realization, etc., and you have a critical needing nothing short of some kind of resolution, exploration.
Your use of language is very succinct, direct and cuts to the chase. You way a lot with less. Many writers cannot do that and do it well. The pacing is good and you can only feel with the characters as they continue to endure hell with varying glimmers of hope intermixed in there somewhere.
Your attention to Unit detail is dead on. The soldiers feel real, and so does Sara. I also feel like Charlie has a lot more development here than on the show too. All of this in a short time too. Your in-depth character study is solid.
In short, why weren't you writing for The Unit?
| Punishment Central chapter 1 . 3/15/2011
From early on in this inaugural chapter, the two singular most powerful items I saw present were dialogue and imagery. You have the characters dead-on, both in voice and in action. And you also show the complexity of the environment that the characters are in. In other words, as in real life, there are many things going on all at the same time: the mission, the villagers, complex characters and their feelings, etc. Yet you put them all together harmoniously and everything consequently gels as a result. The chapter ending is well done and has a sort of semi-denouement, reflective feel to it. Look forward to reading on and what this could all mean.
| stareagle chapter 10 . 3/4/2011
Wonderfully written story, characters well developed, I loved her mixing of the code names- I do that too so your frequent reminders of who's who were appreciated! Thanks for the email calling attention to your story- I really liked it and will follow up with the sequel. I hope things work out for Blue and Sara. He deserves happiness as much as Molly deserves sainthood!
| IROS chapter 4 . 1/29/2011
Well done! The follow-up of such a big time drama as was in chapter 3 could have easily fall into the easy trap of ending in a cliché “I love you, but we can’t be together, yada, yada, yada”. Instead, you find a way to start an exciting new little adventure to establish they still really love each other and then there is a new twist where Sara gets over her tragedy and is capable of recovering control and meet Grey as an equal, not as a victim; I liked that. And loved the playful, fresh last scene in Grey’s dorm with Hector. Thanks for the ride. Keep writing.
| Sweet-Melodee chapter 3 . 1/11/2011
This is a really good story. I haven't read a story here before and this stiry changed that. Update soon.
| IROS chapter 3 . 1/11/2011
Wow! Who could think that such new great drama was expecting us in this chapter? Well done! Now I want to know more so please post again soon. ,-)
| IROS chapter 2 . 1/7/2011
It seems to me that you have a good insight into the characters and also you that you know quite well the kind of story you want to tell. Do not get shy to tell it fully. You’ve got a conflict that will lead to an exciting high point. But, I hope you don’t mind me to remind you to keep always an eye on a proper technique in doing so; for instance, making a clear stop in-between the debrief of the mission and Hector and Grey are already on a plane almost arriving at Korea. Also on all things grammar. In a couple of places your writing seems too rushed. Thanks for this new chapter. Please keep writing.