|Reviews for Maybe Third Time's the Charm|
| Harpiebird chapter 1 . 10/8/2011
I actually really enjoyed this - great job.
| Meowmie chapter 1 . 6/1/2011
FIRETRUCKING AWESOMEEEEE! _
| Martine Brooke chapter 1 . 4/5/2011
Finally got around to leaving a review! I think that "6 or 7 months" you have in the summary must be a typo - in the story you mention "the two months they had been on this island" so do you mean 6 or 7 weeks instead?
Your set up of normal(-ish) everyday life is excellent, with Abby able to describe the same situation in previous weeks and how their dynamic has changed as Henry trusts her more not to try to escape or hurt herself. The "lockless" bathroom door is a really good idea - practical from Henry's point of view and therefore realistic, and incredibly unnerving and uncomfortable for Abby. The little details, like that and Abby drawing, flesh out the background.
I like how awkwardly you show them interacting, with Abby tiptoeing around Henry and being unsure of how to act. The conflict in her feelings for him - friendly affection vs. fear - is apparent and I can see how stressed she must be with the act. Your dialogue is really good and realistic with the stutters and Hmmms. I genuinely love your dialogue.
The pregnancy idea is awkward though. They've had sex once in the past two months? I can understand the idea of him simply forcing himself on her and her accepting this as Henry's the one in control of her life now and I can understand the idea of him waiting for her to be comfortable with their relationship, but the idea that they've slept together once and he hasn't tried it again since strikes me as odd. It mostly seems an excuse to make her pregnant without the issue of her having to deal with regular sex. The chances of her conceiving after having sex once is pretty low and she'd certainly know she was pregnant before he did. In 7 weeks, she'd have missed at least one period (and could have missed 3 in that time!) and that would set off warning bells for anyone. Henry wouldn't guess unless she was physically showing a bump.
"Abby closed her eyes and tilted her face up towards his" - I can see that scene exactly in my head as something she'd make herself do. With the way you skirt over describing sex, just writing "As she lay underneath him", were you just trying to stick to a T rating or trying to show how uninterested she is?