|Reviews for Ghost Flowers|
| Crudy chapter 15 . 10/8
So I know it's been two years since this was last completed but here are my thoughts.
First of all I will admit you have potential writing angst (a favorite genre of mine) even though your writing is unpolished and you have a frequent tendency of rambling and repeating the inner dialogues of your characters. Case in point, Sasuke's POV in chapter 5. I lost count how many times Sasuke has vowed to kill everyone and their mothers from that chapter alone. Yes, you made your point. There's no need for superfluous thought bubbles.
Also, I'm anticipating an angry PM and bashing after writing that because I read your rant in response to an anonymous review in chapter 8. Curious as I was, I decided to check this so-called ignorant review for myself and color me surprised, I didn't think it was that bad imho. I think you have overreacted. You cannot expect to please everybody and that everybody will sing praises of you. You, as the writer, should accept you have your own flaws.
Yes, you were emotionally invested in your story, this is your baby but even you can't think you're on the level of Shakespeare. Okay, maybe you had a shitty day when you read that particular review but that's no excuse to accuse your reader of being illiterate, ignorant and pathetic. I mean, c'mon. That was honestly immature and reeks of an inability to take criticism. Up until then I had no problem with you but after reading that I just felt the need to call you out. Then you follow up with a overwrought essay to explain the motivations of your characters (which I honestly skipped). You didn't have to do that. Writers should always let their own stories speak for themselves, the explanation should be within the story itself or at least somewhere between the lines. Notice the best fanfics around here have little to no author's notes.
Didn't you stop to think that maybe that reviewer had valid points? I certainly thought so too. Although I won't get into an argument on feminist literature with you this time, my own particular grouse that has put me off your Naruto character was when I read that Ryoku's heart condition was caused by Sasuke's chidori to Naruto's heart when she was pregnant, it just made my hairs stand on one end. And I'm not easily disturbed considering I just came off reading George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series.
I mean, wtf? That anonymous reviewer that got your panties in a bunch was right, Naruto is pathetic. I sympathize with her tragic childhood, her fall into depression, her crying episodes and her alcoholism, this can happen to the best of us and it's out of our control. What I can't stand was how she can still stomach Sasuke and try to redeem his repulsive ass after first putting her baby's health in danger and then threatening to KILL both mother and child if they don't follow that obviously cray cray man. Wtf? I refuse to believe that Naruto, or any loving mother for that matter, would endanger her own child for the sake of some execrable, worthless excuse of a human being no matter how much said mother loves that scum. This is Naruto we're talking about not some poor doormat who thinks she'll lose everything if she loses her man.
Now don't take this personally. I understand you are still growing as a writer and like every other writer they will find out the hard way that not everyone will pander to their need for self-gratification. I'm not discouraging you, not at all. In fact I am encouraging you to become better because I know you can. I do not normally review but I felt compelled to after reading that review response and decided to finish reading the story entirely and see what I make of it. You can call me disrespectful or whatever names you deem fit but please be aware that never once did I made attacks on your person and insulted your character, I have only confronted your ideas and the manner by which you responded. I didn't call you ugly, illiterate, useless or whatever.
So if you are considering a re-write I am all up for it as long as you are more clear on your characters' motivations and their priorities are more consistent (morally, as in your case). Make it more convincing, convince your readers why a man like Sasuke is still worth fighting for when you already have people like Ryoku, Sakura, Kakashi, Iruka, Gaara, Jiraiya and Tsunade, and please make his redemption credible. If you want a great example read In the Blood by justplainrii. In that same fic Sasuke is a cold POS who abuses and bullies his wife and children and seemed hopeless until the author managed to make a complete 180 for him that was believable and wondrous. Also, next time be nicer to the readers who made the effort of reading your work and giving their feedback unless they insulted your mom, your looks or something as juvenile.
| SexiiFoxii chapter 1 . 7/6
It's sooo obvious that naruto was pregnant with sasuke s baby!
| nora9gina chapter 15 . 2/24
I know what you mean. I posted a story once and the only character I included was Naruto U. I got spammed with messages demanding I change it to Naruko, since my Naruto was female and therefore wasn't allowed to fit in the normal Naruto U. category.
I'll go read the sequel now!
| nora9gina chapter 14 . 2/24
I just about devoured this story and even though I had my doubts, it ended just as awesome as I hoped it would. And it's part of a trilogy? You're promising two more? Yay!
| nora9gina chapter 8 . 2/24
Naruto's determination is completely slipping away, it seems like. I'm not sure if that's part of the plot, since I haven't read on, but right now it's just sad. I'm waiting for her to suddenly explode into action, but it seems like Naruto's kind of giving up and losing all of her focus. Wouldn't she want to protect her child more? I get that in her situation, she's finding it hard to deal, but...Naruto's just been crying so much. I can't tell if you're trying to go for the "her happiness is a mask" thing, or if your Naruto is just too worn out for acting happy, but (unlike a lot of people) I actually really like Canon!Naruto and his never-say-die attitude. I think that's one of the best parts of the Female!Naruto fanfiction genre; it's easier for me to relate to another girl, but she still has a strong drive. I know that she's going through a lot, but Canon!Naruto did, too, and he never gave up. Plus, Naruto has Ryo to look out for.
Whew, that was kind of ranty. Sorry! Sasuke/Naruto is one of my favorite pairings though, and so far Sasuke seems too mentally damaged and Naruto seems too defeated. I'll keep reading to find out what happens, since I really like this story. Naruto's probably just developing, but... I don't know.
I really like Karin, since it's hard to find good Karin inclusive stories, and I'm waiting to see what you'll do with her. I think she's a Uzumaki, but I'm not totally sure. Karin's character development is awesome so far. I'll be the first one to admit she was a fangirl, but she's one of my favorite characters, so it's really nice to see her as a main side character. I like Karin even more than I like Sakura, since in my mind, Karin managed to get over her fangirl attitude while Sakura never did.
All in all, great job! Sorry if my review sounds rude, though. I'm not trying to be, since I really like the story Thanks for writing it!
| HighValour chapter 14 . 12/9/2014
I really enjoyed this story, very interesting and very refreshing to see a story that looks at how everything in Naruto's life can build up to cause serious problems.
Only thing that I'd raise issue about is Ryoku's heart condition... Unless I misread things he was conceived the day before Sasuke deserted for Oto, right? Then there's no way the current from the Chidori Naruto took at the VOTE could have damaged his heart like that since he'd be little more than a fertilised egg at the time.
Anyway, I really enjoyed the story and look forward to read the sequel.
| Guest chapter 15 . 12/2/2014
I love your story, all the other fem naruto stories I read make her out of character like some girly girl.
| SilverRider09 chapter 15 . 9/3/2014
NEXT CHAPTER! NEXT CHAPTER! NEXT CHAPTER! *bangs knives and forks against table along with rest of fandom* *chainsaw and cackling sounds in background*
| Blackfox668 chapter 9 . 3/10/2014
i dont like naruto, shes a shit mother
| Shinkicker chapter 15 . 12/5/2013
Cool story, pretty dark, but really interesting. Your Naruto is more 'real' than other Naruto's. She actually has failings, unlike the usual bluster.
Thanks for posting
| Dreamer Mist chapter 15 . 10/28/2013
I really like this first part. It was so good. _
| Noname00 chapter 15 . 10/24/2013
Fantastic. I look forward to reading the sequel
| Fi Suki Saki chapter 14 . 10/23/2013
If only kill Obito that easy in the Canon! DX
First of all... I Love Itachi!
It's actually big thanks to Itachi!
Because of him, Sasuke finally realize how 'lucky' he was/is!
The Second... I'm glad Naruto never give up!
Though what he did can be called as stupid as well...
The Third... Glad to know Sasuke didn't get killed as punishment...!
And then what i Hope...!
Hope Ryoku didn't hate, despise, loath or anything sound bad to Sasuke...
Though i know Sasuke deserve something bad for his mistake...
But it's not like Sasuke ever attack Konoha! Right!?
He just became Missing-nin, with great power, and some hatred, and just ALMOST help Madara-Obito to destroy the world... That's all!
Anyway... Great story!
| Guest chapter 13 . 10/3/2013
Woah dude. That massive author's note in this chapter was not pretty. Especially because the whole thing was bolded. I'm sorry that you got flamed, but that was a while ago at this point and the whole thing is over and done with. I suggest you take out the note because leaving it in after all this time makes you look like you're still dwelling on it, which actually makes you look worse than the anon flamer who's probably already long forgotten about leaving the review.
| Lynn D. Mariza chapter 5 . 8/27/2013
this is a really good story
just one thing: nee-san means sister
nii-san or aniki means brother