|Reviews for When a Demon Calls|
| jj day chapter 21 . 3/9
I love this story man, seriously I must have read it from beginning to present at least twice and I about to do it again, I can't wait to see where you take this, and when its completed will be a great day indeed.
| RedHunter87 chapter 21 . 1/19
I hope that you continue this story at some point, its pretty good, that being said I have a number of bones to pick with this chapter and the story overall. First let me say that it is a great idea for a story, the problem in my mind is how you are going about it.
Gohan is far far too mean, unless your setting him up to fall under the Majin spell later. Burning a guys face off just because he loves Videl? Come on that is taking it too far. I had to stop when I read that, I just don't buy it.
Also Gohan not knowing about 17 is inexcusable, he trained for years to fight the Androids and heard stories about Trunks from them.
Another thing...two years is the limit in the HTC, that is stated in both the manga and the anime. After that the door vanishes.
Gohan cares more about the baby then about Videl.
Gohan has access to the FPSSJ which is strong enough to match blows with Cell, there is no way he loses to an Android, the moment he transforms the fight is pretty much over.
All that being said, this story could go places and I hope you keep writing it.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 21 . 12/6/2013
It took me more than seven full months to get around to reviewing this chapter dedicated to me, so I hope my review is a good thanks for ya, Mama Gue.
This is one of my favorite stories on this site. Gohan and Videl, as you are aware, are my favorite couple in DBZ, and this is one of the top GhVi stories around.
Videl's characterization is what sets this apart- from seducing Gohan to wrestling with her emotions, becoming pregnant, realizing she likes Gohan, dealing with the tournament, and finally ending up questioning her feelings to realize she loves Gohan, she takes the cake. Gohan messed up at every turn- losing control and prematurely ejaculating in chapter one, breaking up with Videl the first time around, beating Piccolo to a pulp, messing up with his training, taking an over-aggressive stance on the baby situation, keeping secrets from Videl with the heritage, his non-response in the face of Waterkloof's accusations, destroying Lil'Bark, losing to Seventeen, etc, etc, and his character needs to do things right for a few chapters because I refuse to believe the smart braniac Gohan is this dumb. It almost seems like intelligent, crafty Gohan torture in a way.
The premise itself- Piccolo kidnapping Videl and forcing her to conceive Gohan's child- is a good plot, but Gohan caring about the baby may eventually reinforce the notion to Videl that he had something to do with Piccolo's plot, even though we as readers are 100% sure this is false.
My biggest issue with the plot is how deeply Gohan cares about the baby in comparison to Videl, at least seemingly. I will never be sure if he would've gone back to her for her or for the baby, which upsets me.
There are also so many characters and plots intertwining here- Gohan/Videl/the baby, Yamu/Daytime Spencer, the Majin's, Supreme Kai/Pikkon/Olibu, Goku's return, Chi Chi's sickness, the protégé/master relationship between Piccolo and Gohan, and then Sharpner, Erasa, and Gohan's three nerdy friends and how they factor into the equation, not to mention the Seventeen situation, Lay Rooj, and Lil'Bark all being neat, nifty original characters.
I understand Gohan's anger at Lil'Bark but I think burning off the tattoo from the getgo would've been a more adequate way to handle the situation. Lil'Bark dug his own hole with the 'fucking Videl' comment, though.
Overall, great chapter and awesome story, Mama Gue. I can't wait to see if Gohan's character finally starts to come around and be less of a preteen moronic immature dickwad, to be blunt.
Thanks for the chapter dedication :D
| DarkVoid116 chapter 20 . 12/6/2013
It's about time for some long awaited Vegeta action! Pui Pui, Spopovich, and Yamu being competitors promised for intense action, and there has been craziness, but a sore lack of Vegeta plans, which usually work out best, considering his status as a masterful tactician.
I cannot fathom how Gohan could ask about the baby the first words out of his mouth. Really, Gue? I can reconcile a lot of differences between Gohan and canonGohan, but I do not believe for a second he would ask about the baby before Videl, no matter the state. You're taking his want for this baby and his bloodlust and are making Gohan OOC in my opinion. I still like the story a whole helluva lot, but Gohan is definitely out of character, and it's tough to swallow for me.
That said, I'm enjoying Videl's character way more than in canon, and am enjoying the Buu Saga story way more, if Buu even happens at all.
Videl's character has depth and her relationship with her father- who Gohan needs to just understand will always have a presence as a comfort- is necessary.
He really, honestly, just needs to grow the fuck up and let Videl be herself.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 19 . 12/6/2013
Tornado's death at Pui Pui's hands surprises me considering I'd thought Pui Pui had more self control than that. With that said, it doesn't surprise me /too/ much. Spopovich and Yamu are far more blood-thirsty in this story than in canon as well.
Lil'Bark v. Gohan had better be worth the wait!
Hercule still doesn't know about the pregnancy, does he?
Yamu and Spencer might have a confrontation soon, eh? Those neefl waves are gonna be intriguing to behold.
There's still the issue of Majin Buu actually arriving and becoming a major villain..
Good chapter Gue.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 18 . 12/6/2013
Unsure how I feel about this.
Happy because Sharpner forfeited and wasn't stupid, reconciled his friendship with Videl and wished her luck with Gohan all in one go, upset because Lil'Bark is pissing me the fuck off, and neutral on the Majins.
I want to know what Daytime Spencer has cooked up, why Seventeen is in the tournament, when Pui Pui, Spopovich and Yamu will make their moves, how the Z gang will respond, including Pikkon and Olibu, and how the Lil'Bark/Gohan round two confrontation will end up going.
Excellent chapter, Gue.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 17 . 12/6/2013
I knew Videl would eventually want to prosecute Vegeta for it, but I can also plainly see where Gohan is coming from, obviously. I think Gohan made strides in this chapter towards redeeming his character. The pregnancy and the circumstances leading up to their joining have obviously complicated matters, but some semblance of normalcy appears to be returning to their crazed lives.
I wonder if Videl is okay? I gotta figure she's fine, but who knows? She could be seriously hurt and bleeding from the back of the head, and I'd be none the wiser right now xD
Gohan should probably explain to Videl about losing control in case shit goes down in this tournament. The Raditz, Nappa, Vegeta, Frieza, and Cell episodes all showcased his enormous potential excellently, and how his rage-enduced power barely listens to reason. Hell, Vegeta observed as such when he nearly bashed in Piccolo's face back during the slaughter on the Lookout.
Great chapter Mama Gue
| DarkVoid116 chapter 16 . 12/6/2013
Seventeen, Lil'Bark, Pathos, Spopovich, Yamu, and Pui Pui- a nice cast of characters partaking in this tournament, eh?
I'm hoping the actual tournament gets under way soon.
The way you wrote Chi Chi and Bulma and exaggerating their lovey dovey-ness in this chapter both sickened me and made me happy. I can't see them talking like that, and yet is fits so perfectly. I'm confused, lol.
Waterkloof calling Gohan out really did necessitate an immediate response from him, and it's a shame Gohan didn't respond coldly or anything like that.
But, honestly, that boy is the biggest moron on this planet. For someone with a great head on his shoulders, to not realize he needed to respond? Sometimes I worry he really is only with Videl because of the baby. His cluelessness back the day he kissed Videl out in public, his inconsideration for her feelings on the abortion matter, and this do not lead me to believe he cares about her feelings as long as his baby is born. I hope I'm wrong, but as of now I'm not a great fan of Gohan in this story, and align way more with Videl.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 15 . 12/6/2013
Nice chapter, Gue. Videl's fascination with the Delivery Boy is neat as heck, and this chapter added to the allure he has for her.
Lil'Bark is starting to get on my nerves. I don't particularly care that he's a Crane student, and the audacity of having Videl's face tattooed to his back pisses me off. I hope Gohan sticks it to him. I kinda wish Lay Rooj had partaken in the challenge... would've been neat.
Sharpner's antics are alright, and I think he'll still play a decent role in the story going forward.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 14 . 12/6/2013
Gohan and Videl can finally have the conversation now disclosing their feelings and all of this crazy information...
I hope Gohan goes to the tournament ring area and actually participates. To see him lose out on this opportunity would be awful... what is Hercule going to think about all of this?
Sharpner is being a bit of an asshole, but I do understand his train of thought somewhat.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 13 . 12/6/2013
Well, now more stuff is out in the relationship...
I hope Chi Chi survives this little bump in the road... the tournament stuff is starting to heat up too.
Gohan is really going to need to explain stuff to Videl, but at least she'll know she's not just an experiment pretty soon.
Good chapter, Gue.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 12 . 12/6/2013
So...the baby rejected the tools and prevented the abortion? Gohan is bound to find out about the pregnancy in his normal form now that she attempted to abort the kid.
He's not going to be happy.
Are we going to see Lay Rooj again? I kinda hope so. What about Lil'Bark, the guy Videl rejected after winning the Junior World Championship..?
| DarkVoid116 chapter 11 . 12/6/2013
Man, that nightmare was intense! I'm glad Hercule was there as a caring father for Videl, considering how from his point of view the entire thing was partially his fault.
The Ground Zero paintball date was a nice touch, albeit I disagree with how it was done, in that it seems too 'real world'-applicable.
This tournament is going to be quite interesting should Videl not tell Gohan about her pregnancy prior to it..
| DarkVoid116 chapter 10 . 12/6/2013
Videl's decision to go through with saving the jumper is /really/ not going to sit well with Gohan.. How much longer until Videl tells Gohan about the baby? I figure... it's gotta be soon.
The passion between Gohan and Videl is back! Yay!
Erasa is right though- if Gohan is genuine about his feelings for Videl then he will fight for the right to have her..
Great chapter, Mama Gue.
| DarkVoid116 chapter 9 . 12/6/2013
This was a freaking intense chapter, from Gohan masturbating- which cracked me up- to Videl having her doubts about Saiyaman's integrity, to everything in between, I enjoyed it.
Videl and Gohan aren't going to have an easy road, which I'm sure Gohan inherently realizes, but I'm nervous he's going to try to force a relationship on her without them sorting out their various trust issues. Videl still needs to tell him she's pregnant..
How is Hercule going to handle the news of the pregnancy...? I can't imagine Videl will be too happy with Hercule once she sorts through her emotions. He /lied/ to the entire world... Piccolo and Vegeta and their past misdeeds are going to be a whole mess to sort through as well.