|Reviews for Chauffeur|
| great gospel chapter 1 . 9/10/2015
This was adorable. I love the introspection with Rude interwover with clumsy conversation with Yuffie. And the realization at the end that he actually liked her was great haha. Well done.
| Team Wingless chapter 1 . 8/5/2015
1. Catchiness (scale 1-10) - 1. Adverb.
2. Word Length (") - 4. Again, 5k? A one-shot shouldn't be over 2k unless it's catchy and interesting...
3. Issues that stick out - You massively overuse the word "it." "It" shouldn't be used in general, it should refer back to something we already know, and here I'm not quite sure what you're referring to.
4. Grammar/Punctuation - The grammar here is all over the place. You're mixing up tense here. I'll make a few corrections for an example: "it's how he's been trained," "Reeve has been head of the department almost as long as Rude has been a Turk." I don't think you're comfortable with present tense since you keep switching back to past tense mid sentence. Write the whole thing in past tense since it's what you know.
5. First-Sentence Test ("I'll bet he did" "I'll bet it was") - Fail. (many published novels fail). Adverb in the first sentence killed you. Someone of your caliber should know better. Avoid adverbs whenever possible, and NEVER in an opening sentence.
6. Cringe Factor (")- 6. Yuffie. I'll leave it at that.
7. Suggestions - Again, you overnarrate. Cut the narration down. You're crowding us with information we don't care about.
8. Overall Grade - C
| Tyramir chapter 1 . 6/30/2015
I really enjoyed the general description of Reeve. It had a very casual truth to it, and reminds us that while he's a good guy, he's not necessarily the *best* guy.
The bit about the limousines was spot on, and exactly how I see Shinra's post-OG troubles manifesting. Lamenting that they only have one limo is absolutely perfect in every way.
Yuffie's outfit is so eye-jarring I now have a headache just reading about it, and yet it's so her. Rude's reaction, of course, mirrors my own.
I laughed out loud when Yuffie was "subtly" interrogating Rude, particularly when she tried to come up with alternative names for him. It's just the kind of thing I can see her doing, and Rude's bland responses are, of course, elegantly pithy in their stubborn refusal to play along.
Rude's summary of Tifa losing her inner fire because of Cloud is... dishearteningly true. Maybe someone one day will write a fic where Tifa dumps Cloud, and while she doesn't quite hook up with Rude, it does appear that it's a possibility in the future!
Awww... Rude really knows what to say to a girl to get her to smile, doesn't he? It's weird that this character makes me have warm fuzzy feelings so often. You wrote this exceptionally well, and I think it's my favourite out of all your works thus far. I'm so sorry it took me so long to discover this! Great job!
| littlemsstrawberry chapter 1 . 3/15/2013
| FreezingCold chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
I just realized I faved your story but I never reviewed it.
I love this OS because not only it's perfectly written, and I'm always so happy to read a story that flows without any typos or grammatical horrors, but most of all, I really enjoyed the Rude/Yuffie interaction. They're both dead on and man, Yuffie's way of thinking and talking is so funny. You actually make me want to have her as a friend. Finally, I love how, even though they're talking about someone who's not there, you get a great idea of who Vincent is just by the tiny clues in their conversation.
Sorry for the late review. I really loved this story. Thanks for posting it!
| Bobbie chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
I even like your Yuffie, and that is a true miracle. I don't want this to be a one-shot. :/
| Jyet chapter 1 . 4/28/2012
Wonderful story! Everyone's really in character, even those who are just being thought/talked about, like Reeve - great, unobtrusive take on what kind of person he'd have to be to survive Shinra and create the WRO in the aftermath. I also like how Rude is pretty fleshed out, and how his speech is simply concise, rather than monosyllabic or non-existent. The line about Yuffie needing "to organize her tangled limbs" somehow describes a lot about her, and how Rude ends up seeing her, very quickly.
And just in general, there's a sense of this gritty/ugly world, with the rickety cars and badlands, and the political/business forces nudging Rude and Yuffie around. But despite that, it's still possible for the two to have a mostly friendly conversation, and make a simple connection. Great work.
| somepersonxP chapter 1 . 1/15/2012
There's something about your writing that gives such insight to the characters involved without coming across as dragging. Instead of being overly descriptive and boring, Chaffeur is extremely engaging. Yuffie, and to the best of my knowledge, Rude, are in-character and well-written. Loved all of it!
| CBK1000 chapter 1 . 1/7/2012
I really enjoyed this. You have this way of bringing humanity to the Turks without losing sight of their get-the-job-done brutality that is fascinating. It may be morbid of me, but I love that this started out by painting Rude's neck-breaking technique as an art. I also found the interaction between Rude and Yuffie to be flawless and engaging. I wish I could write a more comprehensive review, but my brain is a bit fried from feverishly writing all week and getting to bed later than I should have.
| The Genesis Awards chapter 1 . 1/3/2012
I am extraordinarily pleased to inform you that your story, Chauffeur, has been nominated for The Genesis Awards Best Short Fic Category and Best Drama Category 2012 Season. The Genesis Awards exists to reward the authors of FFVII fanfiction that show a certain standard of grammar and formatting, relevance to canon and characterization. Your story was nominated by Pen Against Sword at The Genesis Awards forums. The nominations will be open until December 31 and the nominated stories will be assessed from January 1-February 15th, 2013, by preliminary readers. Further details will be present on The Genesis Awards website at a later date.
If you have any questions or comments, please visit our Fan Fiction Net Profile or The Genesis Awards forum.
Co-Administrator and Judging Coordinator,
The Genesis Awards
| Incanto chapter 1 . 12/3/2011
"Durr hurr. That's my ninja name, loser," cracks me up every time I read it. Well done!
| BruHaeven chapter 1 . 8/25/2011
I'm normally not a huge fan of Rude (although that could be because I just don't read very much of him) but this was fabulous and beautiful and kind of heartbreaking in moments, but mostly it just had me smiling.
Your Yuffie was absolutely perfect and the dynamic between the two was amazing. The ending had me grinning like mad, and now (because I've recently begun side-shipping the pairing) I'm left endlessly curious about how things might turn out between Yuffie and Rufus.
All in all, a wonderfully written story and an excellent job!
| xxfatal chapter 1 . 8/1/2011
I adore Yuffie. I have a soft spot for Rude. You put them together perfectly. You've written an excellent piece here. I don't know what else to say. Lovely, lovely job.
| absolute-zero88 chapter 1 . 5/20/2011
Thought I'd come check out your work... And I have to say I'm thoroughly impressed!
I could write you an essay on all the things I like about this fic. You write exceptionally well and in such a way that is vividly descriptive and effective, without being pretentious or over-literary about it. At first glance, this is a deceptively straightforward piece in that it only really involves Yuffie being chauffeured, yet you include cleverly thought out ideas and details that link in nicely with what we know from the games/film, such as the oil business and its 'anonymous' investors.
Your characterisation really hits the mark for me; Yuffie is so often over-written, and Rude so often under-written, and you not only get them refreshingly right, but you also play them off perfectly against one another. I was sitting in a waiting area with other people when I read this, and I have to admit I laughed out loud more than once...
| Delcat chapter 1 . 4/10/2011
I'm not usually a Yuffie fan, but with Pen sending me fics like this, it's hard to resist her. I can see why she gushes about this thing...