|Reviews for Fairytales|
| TolkienScholar chapter 2 . 6/3
I love, love, LOVE the symbolism you put into the phrase "The sun came out." It was just perfectly placed so that, yes, it literally referred to the physical sun coming out so the girls could get out of the house, but it also refers to the lifting of his mood after the "haze" of memory he's been in. That sentence was so aptly placed. Nice. :)
Oh, honestly Margo, what were you expecting to happen? Seriously, forging an e-mail in his name... though of course, that might be illegal enough to impress Gru at least a bit, from someone as responsible as her. ;) What a funny situation. :) And I love that Agnes is still so oblivious, too, that she says "You're so pretty" instead of apologizing like she's supposed to. Your portrayal of Gru's awkward response is perfect, and well done capitalizing on the girls' presence in his home as a way to bridge the gap between him and Elaine, at least at first. The drawings were a nice touch.
Love this: "From all the mischief they caused, I was entirely convinced they were all three your own blood." Also, great title drop: "I refuse to associate with someone as despicable as you."
Oh. Oh, this line kills me: "Your mother destroyed you, you brilliant thing. Call me when you're not her monster." Beautifully powerful.
I'll leave you alone on the dialogue format for this chapter; the ridiculous amount of stuff I wrote for the last chapter should have been plenty to give you the idea of how it works. ;)
- There's one place where you call Elaine "Amber," when Gru hands her the phone back. Was that the name you originally had for her? At any rate, it seems to be a typo.
- "Margo asked innotcently, looking as though she'd rather run away." - Just a typo, misspelling "innocently."
This story is sweet and powerful. I hope you come back and finish it someday. Well done!
| TolkienScholar chapter 1 . 6/3
This is such a sweet story! I really love how Gru's mental frustration isn't primarily about the fact that "the prize would not be his" anymore. Yes, he thinks of that, but where his thoughts end is on the possibility of his getting caught, not so much because of the consequences to him, but because the girls would have to go back to the orphanage, and that is "not an option in his book." You're really showing us how his whole perspective on being a villain has changed since he became a father.
I had to laugh at Edith's commenting that he didn't ask why they wanted a can opener. Considering it's her, I immediately began wondering if it was for something suspicious. :D
Agnes, you devious little... Hahaha! One minute she's the "innocent voice of reason," the next she's finding out way more than the other two did! I love the way you told it, without letting the reader even suspect that she's being sneaky. It seems really cute and sweet, and then BAM! Agnes turns out to be much smarter than we gave her credit for. Adorable! :D And Gru's story was really touching and very honest. I love it.
I also love Margo being the one to say "It's up to us!" and Edith not wanting to go along, because Edith's the mischievous one, but when it comes to love, SHE'S not gonna be taking the lead. I enjoyed the phrase "her older sister's rare moments of deviation."
You had some issues with formatting dialogue. The proper general form looks something like this: "[Line of dialogue]," said [Character]. Notice how the line of dialogue ends in a comma, not a period, and the word "said." is not capitalized. This is because the entire thing - dialogue and dialogue tag - is a single sentence, a single idea. The sentence doesn't end till after the dialogue tag. The same applies when the character name comes before "said," although naturally you still capitalize the character name. I'll show some examples from the story along with corrections below:
- "What is it?" He asked. - "What is it?" he asked.
- "Your eyes were closed." Edith pointed out flatly. - "Your eyes were closed," Edith pointed out flatly.
- "In a drawer, in the kitchen." Edith said. "We didn't find a can opener, though." - "In a drawer, in the kitchen," Edith said. "We didn't find a can opener, though."
- "It's not in the drawer, it's in the little box machine under the cabinets." Gru said absently. - "It's not in the drawer, it's in the little box machine under the cabinets," Gru said absently.
- "That was weird." Edith remarked. "He didn't even ask what we needed a can opener for." - "That was weird," Edith remarked. "He didn't even ask what we needed a can opener for."
- "You guys, I think she's somebody important to him." Margo said, holding the picture out to her sisters. - "You guys, I think she's somebody important to him," Margo said, holding the picture out to her sisters.
- "A-all right." He said hesitantly, sitting back in his office chair. - "A-all right," he said hesitantly, sitting back in his office chair. (Nice job using the correct spelling of "all right," by the way.)
- "Fairytale." Agnes murmured, closing her eyes, shifting to find the optimum comfortable spot. - "Fairytale," Agnes murmured, closing her eyes, shifting to find the optimum comfortable spot.
- "He wanted to fly and see the stars." Gru began. - "He wanted to fly and see the stars," Gru began.
- "He's boring." Agnes remarked before sticking her thumb in her mouth. - "He's boring," - Agnes remarked before sticking her thumb in her mouth.
- "She was, very good, Agnes." He praised, his smile widening as Agnes nuzzled him happily. - "She was, very good, Agnes," he praised, his smile widening as Agnes nuzzled him happily.
- "Yes, she had a unicorn." He replied gravely. - "Yes, she had a unicorn," he replied gravely.
- "Princesses need to live happily ever after." Agnes murmured, more asleep than awake at this point. - "Princesses need to live happily ever after," Agnes murmured, more asleep than awake at this point.
- "I don't." he murmured, shoving his hands in his pockets and returning to his study to brood some more. - "I don't," he murmured, shoving his hands in his pockets and returning to his study to brood some more.
- "Oh, I know it." She said, smiling smugly. - "Oh, I know it," she said, smiling smugly.
- "You're going to set them up." She accused, giving Margo a sideways look. - "You're going to set them up," she accused, giving Margo a sideways look.
- "This is a stupid idea." She remarked sulkily. - "This is a stupid idea," she remarked sulkily.
- "Watch me." Margo replied. - "Watch me," Margo replied.
Heheh. I wasn't going to write them all out, but I wound up doing it anyway. At least you'll have them to reference if you go back and change it. You formatted it correctly at several points, too. And otherwise, your grammar and punctuation are great. :)
Another couple things:
- "The girl in the photo Margo had handed him earlier smiled up at him, this time laying in a hammock." - The proper phrase is "...lying in a hammock."
- "Gru knew that if he didn't do this, Agnes would wake up either in a panic or a fury, neither of wish was pleasant." - Just a typo: "...neither of which was pleasant."
- "Agnes waited until she was sure Gru was gone, before sliding out of bed to find his sisters." - Just another typo: "...before sliding out of bed to find her sisters."
Super cute chapter! I look forward to reading on!
| Galimatias chapter 2 . 8/23/2012
Why you no update!?
| IrishInkWitch92 chapter 2 . 2/7/2011
We would really love to read more of this fsnfic plz?
| the-mighty-pen325 chapter 2 . 1/20/2011
Ah this is super cute! I really hope everything works our for Elle and Gru!
| DespicableShe chapter 2 . 1/12/2011
I love this! Love, love, love! I cannot wait until you put up the next part!
| noiha chapter 2 . 1/7/2011
ah~ please please continue please x3
i lol-ed at edith's "is she a good kisser?" and agnes's puppy eyes. you brought the characters exactly like they're in the movie. i also like your oc. and things i enjoyed most are those three little kitten. they're cute. xD
fave and alert!
| CandyIsYummyNomNom chapter 2 . 1/5/2011
I'm loving this fanfic! Most D.M. OC's are pretty horrible, but your, she's realistic to me. She might be famous, but NOT Mary Sue. She's very original. Good job!
| Tay137724 chapter 2 . 1/5/2011
This is really good! very interesting and well written. Quick quesiton though, why does her name keep switching from Amber and Elaine? Anywho please update soon!
| Ayka chapter 2 . 1/5/2011
THIS WAS SO GOOD! Please make more? Update as soon as you can please!
| MayDayGirl-Save-Our-Ships chapter 2 . 1/4/2011
Wow, this is really good! I've always wondered what would happen if a childhood friend of Gru left him because of his profession and then they found each other all those years later. I have to say, you are writing it much better then how it was in my head. I'm really enjoying this and I am very picky about GruXOC's so you're doing a really great job!
Update as soon as you get a chance!
| Super Ultra Sexy Spockfish chapter 2 . 1/4/2011
EEEEEP!this is awesome... Elaine is cooool! :) I can't wait til you update! :):):)
| Wolften chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
Great job, can't wait for more.
| ViVi chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
Wow! This is really good. I like how you kept every one in character. Keep going! please?
| Terra Young chapter 1 . 1/2/2011