|Reviews for Digimon Tamers: The Colony|
| MitzvahRose chapter 7 . 6/15/2013
Well this... is depressing. I was truly enjoying this story along with its darker themes...
I personally would be honored to continue this, but do you mine sending me any ideas you have if you wrote them own or something? Sorry, I just had to ask. And I do hope you keep on writing! I love your work and wish you good luck with all you have planned... I hope to see your film and animation work someday!
| Patrick the observer chapter 7 . 3/31/2013
well i wish you luck and i hope that you can either continue this or do a rewrite at some point in the near future.
| Guest chapter 7 . 6/15/2011
bummer. I'm gonna miss this one. If I may make a suggestion I recommend you have your story writen down completely before putting out the individual chapters. I'm currentyl one hundred and twenty chapters into my own fic and I have yet to put out a one. That way if I lose the ambition or need to go on haitus I haven't promised anyone anything I can't deliver. It sounds like there are great things in the future for you though. Keep up the good work.
| Crazyeight chapter 6 . 6/6/2011
I should point out that the mentioning of Leomon’s name doesn’t necessarily mean much in the digital world, even though the Tamers’ partners are well acquainted with him, as ‘Leomon’ denotes a species name and not necessarily just an individual. It’s just that digimon tend to refer to each other by their species name more than something a little more individualistic for some reason.
A bit of an oddity. The scenes depicting the return of the digimon seem to conflict in that the first one introduced showed no sign of the desperate plight they were in, whereas the second one does. I know Henry didn’t see the whole thing, but still, you would think that the digimon would have been a little more frantic to escape and get all of their crew on the other side, or even briefly mention the incident in passing for their luck in escaping.
‘Ms. Wong’? I thought Henry’s mother was married to Janyu. XD
Chapter 5: Line: and then dying for know reason
I think you meant ‘no reason’.
Line: honing in on his kill.
I think you meant ‘homing in on his kill’, not honing.
It’s almost funny that Jeri’s father mentions ‘Lord of the Flies’. The book aside, Beelzemon is based off of the demon Beelzebub, who I believe was said to share a similar title.
I won’t comment on the continuity bits with the Monster Makers, as you have commented on them already, however there are some bits that I feel should be touched on.
The scene that you mention where Guilmon ‘deletes a rat’ in the first episode is…ambiguous at best as we don’t exactly see the rat get destroyed (a wall and cable did), and Guilmon never absorbed it. Digimon have a specific appearance when they’re loading data (usually they float and glow as data is drawn into them), and Guilmon didn’t have it in that episode. As for the rat being data, there were episodes where objects seem to have become data-like during a bio-emergence when a digital field settled over an area, and broke apart into data shards when destroyed. If Impmon killed a rabbit that was made of data, it strongly suggests that there had recently been a bio-emergence recently (and I say recently because there’s never been a sign that the effect lasted for very long, as the Tamers required Dobermon’s sacrifice in order to biomerge, something that may or may not have been a problem if they were in a digital field).
But that’s just a nitpick within your author note. I shall turn the focus back toward the story itself.
The characters I had a little trouble with, particularly in the representation of their personalities, primarily Impmon, his partners, and even, to some degree, of Jeri. Jeri I don’t mind as much as we don’t know the full extent of the trauma that she would have to deal with, and let’s face it, she experienced quite a lot of it. However, I feel that it should be pointed out that she did come through the D-Reaper experience stronger and more sure of herself (still dependent on someone to save her despite dealing a lethal blow to the D-Reaper’s head, but I digress). One could say that the D-Reaper provided a rather sick and disturbing (not to mention the kind you shouldn’t try on your own) form of psychotherapy where Jeri was brought in confrontation with her various traumas again and again until she came to terms with it (It’s been a few years since I last took a basic psych class, but I’m pretty sure that’s one way to go about it, only in a less ‘gouge your eye out’ sort of fashion). But who knows what could happen in the intervening years, especially as one goes through puberty, which mucks up the body in all sorts of ways, so I shall leave that as it is.
Impmon I feel is a little bit trickier. We don’t see many scenes of the years that the partner digimon had when they were separated from their human-halves. What we do see is that some bits weren’t good, and they lost Lopmon. After that, development seems to have stopped, and by ‘development’ I mean the evolution that brought the digimon to their present selves (which, coincidently, was the way they looked before getting sucked away, sans MarineAngemon, who didn’t downgrade when he got taken for some reason). It kind of flies in the face of the whole point of Impmon’s plan to absorb data and digivolve to better protect themselves (although why they didn’t take advantage of MarineAngemon’s Mega form more often is beyond me). Also, why would Impmon revert to absorbing data so soon after being parted from Ai and Mako? His character development up to that point got him to see that doing so was wrong, and while I could see him resorting to it if things became desperate enough, it’s not something he would go back to doing right away. It’s…a bit weird. Perhaps if some more bits of the past had been shown, if they were shown to have taken more casualties and close calls along the way to show that Impmon was pushed into this corner, it’d be more plausible. But I guess that depends on how many more flashbacks you want to show, and the story is already pretty full of exposition as it is, but I’ll get more into that later.
Guardromon and MarineAngemon taking off is also another oddity (to say nothing of Guardromon’s speech patterns). Guardromon always seem to fancy himself as a knight errant and was very loyal. It seems unlikely that he would just part ways without trying to settle things first. MarineAngemon…not so sure about him, but he would see the others as a way to get back to Kenta at the very least. Also, his speech was rather difficult for others to understand by anyone save for Kenta (Kazu, having remarked on it as “he says three words and you ramble for hours”). No offense, but their leaving almost reads like a way to thin out the cast to a more manageable amount.
And hey! Where’s Cyberdramon (or at least his lower level equivalents)? I know that he was with the partner digimon when they got sucked back into the digital world. Could this be the reason behind Ryo and Rika’s breakup? Ryo’s past was always rather mysterious to the Tamers, and he had the bad habit of taking off in order to keep his partner in line. I dunno, but I find it rather odd that there’s been no mention of Cyberdramon that I can see, and Ryo only gets a reference in that he and Rika broke up because they were ‘drifting apart’. Something’s fishy here…
Now, about the exposition stuff that I mentioned earlier…there’s a lot of material that covers flashbacks. While not bad, when used in large amounts it has the tendency to drag down the flow of the story, and sometimes it can even ruin the surprise about some characters, such as Impmon’s change of personality and his increased hostility with Terriermon. A rule of thumb for story writing is ‘show, don’t tell’. It’d be just as effective to show how the hardships affected Impmon than to just tell us what those hardships were, and then tell us later when it becomes really relevant to the storyline, or when Suzie was being told what happened (incidentally this serves as a way to keep her from becoming a regular cast member to the story as well).
Some minor nitpicks were Impmon and Renamon flirting almost immediately after she chastised him about his fight with Impmon. Seemed out of place with Renamon’s character. While she did have a flirty side when it came to her friends, she was also business-like when it came to survival and unity. It also seems more likely that Renamon would be the one in charge, especially as she’s shown to be more physically assertive than Impmon and more experienced at survival than Guilmon or Terriermon. I can see Guardromon, with his vast experience, acting as a kind of second-in-command capacity. But again, just nitpicks.
Also, how did Impmon evolve to Beelzemon just by absorbing a rabbit? That’s a bit off since it took either his partners or a Sovereign to power him up to that level, and a rabbit…well, is a rabbit. Nothing special there unless you like rabbit stew.
No real mention of Hypnos or even what they’re up to. One would think that they would have picked up on the Tamers’ digimon bio-emerging almost right away, never mind Henry’s hacking into the digital world. These are the people in charge of keeping the two worlds separate, right?
On the whole, it seems like you’ve got an idea that is pretty damn interesting—the colony of humans that is, but it ends up taking a backseat to the Tamers and Impmon. Some bits aren’t quite fleshed out and other ideas or potential ideas aren’t well exercised…yet. Hypnos needs some more involvement, and the digimon cast could have stayed the same size without anyone leaving, creating an interesting group dynamic without it becoming all about Impmon’s choices. Alternatively, if you wanted to shorten the cast and fill the slots later (if at all), then the ones that left could have been in the same boat as Lopmon—killed off, to show why Impmon became the way he was, rather than just jumping into his old, evil badass seat that honestly didn’t support him very well until he got out of it. This would have made for even more internal conflict as he tries to rationalize all his decisions even more than just the one accident with Lopmon, and at the center of it all, there are two other things: his determination to get back to his partners, to prove to Jeri that he’s not what he used to be, and the need to rescue her and possibly Leomon once he found out about them. This has yet to be covered (and considering what he went through in the series for Jeri and the guilt he had about his involvement in what she went through, we would expect nothing less from him).
Needless to say, you’re not very far ahead into the story, so many of these things may come into play as it develops. So, I can say that I’ll be looking forward to what you have to offer the world of digimon fanfiction. :)
Until next time.
| Guest chapter 6 . 5/30/2011
Yes juggernaut and hypnos were taking from hp lovecraft in fact the whole d-reaper and yamaki's whole mental break down was a tip of the hat to the fact alot of hp lovecrafts books involved insanity and giant civilization destroying outer gods like c'thulu or
| smileyfox5150 chapter 5 . 5/16/2011
Really good! Please keep it up!
Some things could be expanded on, though, such as details and emotions. The conversation is goo,d but a little too dry on Leomon's half. Impmon's portrayal is tres bien. I like how you killed off Lopmon, it gives Terriermon an edge. Guilmon's naievety could be expanded upon, also Renamon's warrior personality.
lol animals to data. :]
| CyberPower chapter 5 . 2/16/2011
Forget about continuity; that was wreaked to pieces long ago, from the changed plot, every backstory (hypnos had nothing to do with the monstermakers), the character defining events (jeri's parents didn't divorce, her mother died) to how the Tamers world worked (there wasn't even a primary village to speak of!). It's probably best for you to focus on making a good story, rather than make references that don't suit the situation at all (Lord of the flies is about what happens when humans lose their supervision, their morals, among other things, so at best it would be more appropriate to discribe the camp, rather than wonder about it). Having said that, the story is actually well written (gramatically), even if the flashbacks need some work perhaps by introducing bits and pieces at a time, rather than a full paragraph that breaks up the pacing. Anyway, good luck with the story.
P.S. Guilmon did not absorve the rats data. He just melted it. The smoke is due to the quick cooling of the metal behind him.
| Naphtali Phoenix chapter 5 . 2/13/2011
Enjoying the story so far, looking forward to reading more of it. :)
| Prix chapter 5 . 2/5/2011
i can't believe you have no reviews ._.
I think this fanfic is awsome
plz make more