|Reviews for Grand Theft Auto: Mark Marquetti's point of view|
| FinalFantasyDude1 chapter 1 . 11/28/2003
The story was WAY too short. Make it longer and more interesting. Have the people talk like they are in the mob.
| Skater Dude 2002 chapter 1 . 6/4/2002
Short and snappy. Perhaps too short and not snappy enough.
I like the idea about a mafia boss wanted dead, but if you've ever played the game you will know that the Leone family are ONLY based in Portland, as the Yakuza are the Mafia-style gang in Staunton. That's why Asuka takews you there as there are no Mafia. There may be Mafia gang members in Staunton in the mission 'Under Surveillance' but they were just hitmen after you.
Like the idea though. Keep trying and it should improve.
S D 2002
| LilMan chapter 1 . 6/3/2002
it was good but you contradicted yourself. EX "Gaurds took out Mark's attacker" you then said later on that he lived and u wanted him dead. other than a few gramer and spelling mistakes as well as mispelling a name(CURLY)
| x-keelan-X chapter 1 . 3/21/2002
The story was way too short, and when I read it I could not actually picture the GTA3 characters at all... they just did not come alive. Keep practicing, write a little longer, and pretty soon you'll get it.
| DirtyMonk chapter 1 . 3/19/2002
Aaagh, my eyes! Break up and rewrite that first paragraph, and then I'll come back and read your story. There is too much telling and too little showing! Also, I agree with the reviewer above. The dialogue needs a little more fixing up. Make em talk like they do in the game-with swear words and angry attitudes. Make them talk like the Sopranos or characters from the Godfather.
Also...a G-Rated GTA3 fic? Unless it was a new animated feature by Disney, I don't think so.
| lukiss chapter 1 . 3/18/2002
Length is a key aspect of any story. This is pretty damn short. I would focus on describing the assasination attempt and the events surrounding it. It seems like it is supposed to be the focus of your story, yet it gets no real information devoted to it. Maybe you want that. Maybe not. The dialoge also seems to lack a real Mafia feel. That's not how I envision two Sicilians talking. Oh, and don't bother censoring curse words, that is foolish. If this is meant soley as an introduction, then its not bad, but the length kills it. Keep writing... and writing and writing. Then write some more. I wouldn't recomend a chapter under 1000 words.