|Reviews for In Excess|
| rokudaime09 chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
so i'm guessing it was sasuke he saw right! nice dorm!
| Alkinine chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
incredible. The writing was purely seductive. Where did u learn to write like that?
| egg-sh3ll chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
please update soon. the plot seems simple enough but also interesting at the same time. good job :D
| aswrittenbykat chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
You would have gotten a review before this, but...Eh-heh, I didn't hear my phone go off. Oops. I would text you, but since it's 12:30 here...Nope. I'll do that tomorrow.
Anyway, I know what you want...my reaction! And let me tell you, you are one of the ONLY people that could get me to read a Naruto fanfiction...And I love you for it, it shows how good you are! Yes, yes, I shall praise you endlessly...
1) One of the things I have always loved about your stories are the details. I've always been envious, because the details you add show you are very in touch with things around you. For instance, in your last story you added details about cars and houses I couldn't match, not to mention about clothing. You're repeating that here. And the details are simply splendid. They aren't overdone, and they give across the feeling Naruto has. For instance, you use the term "emerald" to describe the color of the grass. Emeralds are stones, and are thus hard and cold; unfeeling. You turned something that is usually filled with life (the grass) into something the opposite. The usage of the term "exploding" for the trees helps add a sense of danger to Naruto's visit that is only supported by Kakashi's warnings. Plus, making the buildings white brings to mind a cold, dread-filled hospital.
I love all of the details you are using, and I can't wait to see what else you do!
2) If anyone complains about the characters being OOC, I'll kick them. Because honestly, so far you're making Naruto a lot more human than he seemed in the show. How often did we actually see him hurt by others words after that first episode? Nada. Here' he's not hurt, but he's definitely feeling SOMETHING which turns him into an actual character. I also love how you put Kakashi as the dean. You have no idea how much I laughed (seriously, who would make that perv dean of a school?). But I like that placement for him because it is very similar to his role as leader of Team...Seven, I believe it was? He's not a teacher (that would be Iruka's role) he's in an even more important position of looking over them and helping them learn in other ways. Plus...that job honestly suits him perfectly.
3) Out of curiosity...are you going to make Sasuke (who else could that person be?) a player, "easy", etc.? Because if so, the details of his legs being spread would be perfect. From his description, I'm seriously curious to see what you have planned for our little "prince". ...I personally want him to fall off a cliff, BUT...I know you don't have that planned. Emotional torture will suffice, if I might make the request...Oh and I'm getting off topic again, heheh...
4) I'm really curious to see what Naruto's place in the story will be. You have him set apart from the others, and yet even with his assumption of not wanting him to mingle with the students, they are giving him a lot of different opportunities that make him single. I'm sure nearly every student would KILL for a private room (I know I would, especially one that big) and to be given a donation? I REALLY want to know what's going on!
While you may not be as fond of this as Ne'er Do Well, I am excited to see what more your brilliant mind churns out. Catholic school uniforms, yaoi, and your writing...I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Liv-x-Case-Benson chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
Great first chapter! I love it! Who is the person Naruto was staring at? Why couldn't he stop thinking about him?
I can't wait to see where this goes!
| OneAcquaintedWithTheNight chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
I like the idea and I love all the detail u used when describing things!
It was very well writen and I think u should continue this story!
| PockyPand4 chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
Ohhh, I like it.
And I resent the whole "sexy/naughty Catholic School thing..we really aren't all that dirty...lol, who am I kidding.
| smartcat chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
This sounds very interesting. I hope you put up the next chapter soon. I want to see how this progresses, and i thought for sure you were going to have tsunade be dean. I'm glad it's Kakashi though...he makes things so much more enjoyable.
| Midnight Hacker chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
Me likey! A cool school! A mysterious Naru! A DEAN KAKASHI! LOL!
In Excess...In excess...*trying to figure out* sex? that's all I can think of :D
I really do like this. It a bit refreshing to have a Naruto like this instead of a whimpering uke (lol, that can be good)
One thing weirded me out...you describing them a a 'man'. It's ok though :)
I senses great potential! I await the second chap .
| marinav92 chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
I love it so far. The plot seems very promising, please update when you can :)