|Reviews for Sentiments|
| MissScorp chapter 1 . 8/22/2013
I'm actually a really big fan of the original Yu-Gi-Oh series so I'm totally comfortable with what you are trying to do here in this story. And I have always loved the complexity that was Kaiba's character. It's like he wants to be the bad-good guy in a way (acting tough but underneath it all he really has a good heart). I've always loved how the shows progression softened him in some places, adding human elements that took away the rich boy façade and the desire to be King Duelist Supreme. You captured that complexity of Kaiba perfectly in the line "buried under the icy exterior was a soft spot for his family...and his friends, though Seto himself would not care to admit that." This is Kaiba at the core, beneath the sophistication and wealth and tech savvy duelist abilities. He does have a heart-but it is a heart that has been bruised badly and which he buries to keep protected.
I love the hint of sexual friction that appears between Ishtar and Kaiba in the second part- though the heat could be said to be more on her part than his. Until the very end when you make it clear that Kaiba is indeed interested but just being a snot about it. I loved that bit of a twist, the tense sexual friction that appears to be one-sided suddenly becoming more clear and less ambiguous. Very nice.
Some lines I really liked:
(('I'll take that into consideration,' Kaiba responded icily, after a short pause, before shrugging on his coat and walking out with his briefcase in hand.
Mokuba laughed a little at his brother's attitude. From Kaiba Seto, that usually meant a 'yes'.))- I love the brotherly interaction here. Kaiba comes off as being a bit of a snot, but then Mokuba softens it by revealing to us that this is just how he was, that it wasn't always the truth and that we had to look beneath the exterior to know
((But it hadn't been Mokuba's words which had called him there; it was almost as though he felt someone, or something else, calling him.))- I love this, it sets up the next section perfectly because it's hooked me in and makes me wonder and ask myself what is on the other side of that door, what is waiting for Kaiba, and what does Mokuba want Kaiba to see? Very nice :)
(('I told you once before, I choose what I will do, and when I will do it.'))- I love Kaiba's voice here. It's very much the voice that we hear with Kaiba and very easy to picture as being Kaiba's.
A few minor critiques:
((Kaiba Seto turned slightly, retrieving his gaze from the window off the top floor of the building within which he stood, turning instead to focus them on his younger brother.))- this line is a little clunky for me. I know the story is older, but if you ever decide to go back and edit this one, lemme suggest changing this line to something like: (Kaiba Seto turned slightly, his pensive gaze swinging from the world outside his top floor window to fixate upon his younger brother, Mokuba.) Just my thoughts, totally up to you :)
((leaving the air astride a shade colder as she retreated))- I am not sure what you were trying to say here actually. Were you going for (leaving the air around them a shade colder as she retreated)? Not overly sure what you mean.
** A question on the conversation/dialogue punctuation: I'm assuming that this is the manner in which you were taught? I know that I critiqued someone else by saying that ' should be " and they mentioned it was how they had learned in Australia. I am assuming that this is the same for you?
In all, I greatly enjoyed this piece and kinda wish that you'd continued it to show what might have happened at the public display. I would also have liked a bit more of the past history between Ishtar and Kaibra but that is a personal desire :) I'm far to curious for my own good. And last, but not last, I loved how you ended this piece with the grin on Obelisk's face. I thought that was brilliant, suggesting how he knows something that Kaiba does not and suggesting that he's about to learn another lesson that he hadn't anticipated learning. Very nice job!
| Elias chapter 1 . 2/17/2011
| Nietzsche's Itch chapter 1 . 1/13/2011
I like it, I like it a lot You've got Isis's mysterious air and the whole tone of their relationship down a tee, and realistic, while still leaving romantic hints. Love it, thank you darling :)
| Starfire201 chapter 1 . 1/12/2011
I'd say you captured Kaiba pretty well. I believe that while we do have some say with the choices we make, at times it does indeed seem like something out there is guiding those decisions. I suspect it is very difficult for Kaiba to consider that, or even want to, even when there is evidence showing this.
| Kaito Lune chapter 1 . 1/5/2011
I think you did well with Kaiba. From what I remember of the English dub, it was in character. I also loved the ending with Obelisk. XD Great job!