|Reviews for Breaking the Cycle|
| Gateman chapter 6 . 7/17/2013
" "And," she continued, making a sentence out of the word. "Yoshino-san will not be invited."
Yoshino let out a breath. Well, she didn't really expect any better.
Switching away from her personal name, though. That hurt. "
What personal name?
The resolution to the conflict with Yoshino's family was an anticlimax, but that's life isn't it.
Also, in chapter 4
" Chiaki glared at her from across the table, making it clear that had they been on the same side, Touma would have received a punishing elbow in the ribs. Uchida looked absolutely mortifying, looking down at her lap, probably wishing she could suddenly acquire teleportation powers. "
| Gateman chapter 2 . 7/13/2013
This was written rather tactfully. Cough
Still, while they are quite a bit young by the time of the story, the idea of it being ongoing for 3 years prior is what shatters all suspension of disbelief.
The former is unhealthy, the latter is absurd. Also, considering how old all the characters besides Makoto act, you might as well up everyone's age.
| Gateman chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
Nice touch using both mistress and ojou-sama interchangably
" "Mhm," Yoshino said, turning her head to look at Uchida unbuttoning her shirt. "Whatever you say."
She watched for just a moment longer than necessary, then swung open the bathroom door and stepped in.
"I'll be in the shower if you need me," she announced off-hand. "
Whatever you changed about yoshino's character, she always liked to watch people.
" "At the agreed-upon time of three thirty, I will depart from here on the route I have well-memorized, but stored on the GPS just for safety. Just before I reach each of the locations, I will find a place to stop and phone ahead, to ensure that they are ready. If and when they are, I will drive to the most evident and convenient possible location to receive them. As for the persons involved, I am receiving, in this exact order, the girl with the family problems, the boy with the clothing issues, the non-male paramour of the first girl, and another boy with…with no distinguishing features I know about. Yet. In addition, I am told the parents of Uchida-san here"—a slight bow—"have been asked to attend, but that they will find their own way to the front gate just before five, at which time they will be allowed to park their vehicle in the carport. I believe that covers everything?" "
Wow, i never noticed the sarcasm the first time i read this.
" Why not do the violin thing now? She thought.
She had decided it might be reasonable to play the violin for them a little. Nothing too long or meaningful. Crowd-pleasers, like she did for the servants occasionally. It didn't have to be a problem, and would also be a welcome distraction from the pictures. "
Crowd pleasers? That's an interesting phrase. You make a distinction?
| Rich Macey UK chapter 7 . 6/24/2013
WOW. Having a soft spot for anime like Minami-ke, i just thought i had to try this, and wasn't disappointed! Your storyline was awesome even though I'm not too fussed in having same sex pairings for the sake of it, it worked really well with Uchida and Yoshino! The only criticism I would have is that Yoshino's portrayal seems to be a bit more dominant than that of the anime; but i guess love does that to a person! XD I also liked the way you incorporated your earlier story about Yoshino's 'overseer' (that's supposed to be her 'mother', but I didn't want to get you confused between the two). In conclusion, GREAT JOB!
| Bobbo chapter 2 . 5/8/2013
Minami-ke pissed me off, sometimes it seems like it's the kana show. She really needed to be a side character. Your story should piss me off, it's stupid enough, but it doesn't. Take that as you will, i don't know either.
I don't support the ship but you're a good writer.
| Mader Levap chapter 7 . 3/15/2013
Well, last confrontation was indeed anticlimatic, yet NOT dissappointing. I somehow expected something like that.
| DschingisKhan chapter 6 . 2/17/2013
Well, that was somehow anticlimactic. All that build up to meeting her parents and...hahah, well played. Here, I was just hoping, silently daring them to try to cut her off or force her hand, "and then it would be great if Yoshino told them she'd dismantle their entire conglomerate as a competitor or something similarly competent"... Yep, not at all. That was a good scene, though; and it must have hurt to write, too. Though I think the vocal maids actually may have taken something from the scene. Like they were a distraction. But points for their oft-lauded loyalty being more than idle words!
On a personal level, I'd have liked a less abrupt end - I anticipated more concrete repair on Uchida's family situation and a bit more flirting and exploration of a more-healthy relationship (ha!) would have capped things off nicely - but I'm glad they got a happy ending! Well, for now at least. Their future has some pretty bleak spots on it.
Skipping back a couple chapters, it was a little surprising that you used the 愛 distinction in the conversation with Makoto. I know why you did it; it's just very unusual to see it bare like that; with no _explicit_ notation of its significance. How much experience do you have? With writing, I mean. Because that was a fun trick, letting the implication coast through on context.
Good show. I guess the omake chapter is meant to bring the reader back from the tension, but it's just not the same when it's a couple years ago. Still fun.
| DschingisKhan chapter 5 . 2/17/2013
Strange, there's only one chapter left? At this point, I'm guessing you either accelerated the timescale or left things unresolved. I'll find out momentarily.
Also, you were tired when you wrote this chapter, weren't you? (I understand how that goes, believe me. :) ) Amusingly, from what I'm seeing, you seem to do straight up word omission more than misspellings...
About a third through: "If I had to guess, that was what saw."
At around three-quarters: "It's not that you can't let down, is it?"
At roughly 90%:"What do you of Touma?"
| DschingisKhan chapter 3 . 2/17/2013
Well, holy crap. I always wanted someone to flesh out some of the side characters, but never in my wildest musings did I expect it would go like this! Change the names and add a few more supporting details, and you're looking at a 380 page novel. Original fiction in everything but name.
And I'm only halfway Through? What a treat.
| Anderkent chapter 7 . 6/11/2012
I rarely review, but this series of stories touched me deeply. With perhaps the exception of 'Breaking The Cycle's ending, which feels a little bit too deus ex machina to be convincing for me, they're perfect.
I salute you.
| Kelira Telian chapter 1 . 5/7/2012
I just finished reading through the whole trilogy (while waiting for To the Stars to update...) and...I am really incredibly impressed.
The way you built up Yoshino and Yuka's relationship in the background, subtle hints, little ways they acted around each other...and then the payoff in this story. Truly one of the best stories of its type I've ever read..
| Magnificate chapter 6 . 9/24/2011
I hope the Haruka story is at least as good as this one! Waiting in anticipation.
| Pruit Igoe chapter 6 . 9/22/2011
Hooray! I love your work! Thank you for sharing your talent.
| csi chapter 4 . 6/16/2011
This story is absolutely amazing. One of the best fics I've read, across any fandom. Can't wait to see what happens next.
| Pruit Igoe chapter 3 . 4/19/2011
It's a damn shame that your work does not get more reviews. I suppose writing extensions to an obscure anime with a rather esoteric appeal might do that.
Regardless, I have very little that I can say beyond enjoying everything about the chapter. Mechanically, the writing is solid and polished. The story is engaging and the characters are true to canon form, with some modifications to suit the plot. There's a little much in the angst department, but I suppose being hormonal teens in a "are we or aren't we" kind of relationship with their backgrounds might lead to that so I'm not going to pick nits.
I appreciated the subtlety of the resolution of the UST. You give enough details for the reader to extrapolate key plot events that don't need to be described...but would probably not go unappreciated if they were. Depends on the reader's preference. I would not complain, given your ability to write so beautifully.
If nothing else, one person does appreciate what you do.