|Reviews for When he first saw her|
| DarthGranola chapter 1 . 8/14/2014
| FlurriesOfWords chapter 1 . 7/8/2014
Not the best grammar and sentence structure, but nice plot
| Emily Mae chapter 1 . 10/31/2011
Awww, this was sweet! Even though it's short, it doesn't feel rushed at all. It's like a perfect little summary of James' feelings towards Lily throughout their lives. Good job! :]
| AgiVega chapter 1 . 2/23/2011
Even though I'm not fond of James, I'm glad you've posted this here. :)
Btw, why have you disabled private messaging? I've tried to contact you to ask you about the Sharpe books, but couldn't. Can you suggest a way we could communicate? Thanks!
| Olorime chapter 1 . 1/20/2011
I thought this was lovely. Have you tried writing the same story in the first person? It feels a bit detached as it is, or is that what you tried to do?
It could also have benefited from some more observational remarks from James. Why did he find Lily so alluring? Was it her hair, her smile? Her sheer aloofness toward him?
James was also arrogant and conceited when he was little, but we don't see any of that here. In order to lend some credibility to the narration try inserting one or two sentences where he exhibits those traits.
Great job, Nimbus. You are a very good writer (certainly better than I was at your age). :)