|Reviews for Fatal|
| Guest chapter 5 . 3/1/2014
Omfg best story ever
| Goodiguess chapter 5 . 12/1/2013
I really loved your story. It's one of those rare gems in all the trash that's so often published as fanfiction. I love how you explored the strength and weaknesses of every character. Well done!
| N Harmonic chapter 5 . 11/29/2013
Ah no yaoi! But I do love this story. U seem to be one of those authors who can write a story with an AU like its straight out of the comic and I love those
| Akatsuki Fatale chapter 5 . 5/19/2013
This is so cute.. I never thought of throwing Kakashi into GenHaya...wow..nice pairing *was kinda hoping for more Hayate, cuz I love him too much* Great work! :o I wish there was more though, since I doubt there's many more stories of this pairing...maybe a sequel? :o
| GDYRISAA chapter 5 . 3/27/2013
While reading the story there were many character traits that I enjoyed and thought were very good. I liked the basic idea of the fiction, and I liked Kakashi’s embarrassed reaction to Hayate and Genma’s reactions. Kotetsu’s insult of Kakashi, Hayate and Genma’s relationship was also very interesting. There were a few things though that would have made the fic immensely better, and while this is an old story, is advice that might be good to apply to future writing.
Not Tell- There was so much telling in this story. Especially done by the characters (which seems a bit OOC). I should be able to see it in their actions. It helps the reader feel more connected to the characters and to the events in the story.
2.I guess this is sort of in the same category as Show not Tell. When Kotetsu tells us “it may have been jealousy” I should be able to think back to something that happened during the first couple of chapters and think ‘Oh! Like right there! I see it!’ and I honestly didn’t.
themes were Romance and Hurt and Comfort. However, it felt more like a Drama/Angst fic…and even then you might need a separate category for “soap opera”. Drama is important but at the same time too much drama can really detract from a story. Was it really necessary to have Kotetsu being jealous of Genma? Could it not have simply been something unintentionally mean?
names - I can understand Kakashi and Hayate (who are in an established relationship) using pet names (though it seems OOC). However, EVERYONE has been given pet names. Even Izumo and Kotetsu who are arguably the most distant of the group. Also, Gen-Gen? KoKo? They’re ninjas…it seems a little degrading.
On a more positive note though, I did appreciate the idea of ‘Kozu’ I thought that was fairly cute but also served a semi-practical function, which seems like the way a shinobi would apply nicknames. I also liked how you portrayed Genma as having been the one who everyone had always assumed could take care of himself- despite Kakashi being the most stoic of the three. And how that continued into Genma really being arguably the most broken of the trio because of it. Keep writing, I’m planning on checking out some more of your stories. The Kakashi-centric one sounds interesting.
Wow...didn't mean for it to get this long...
| Princess Maki chapter 3 . 3/12/2013
I love the story so far
| myriad-souls chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
Suddenly feeling like reading Hayate-centric fic when I came across this one. Looks promising enough that I'm leaving this review to say:
Thank you for writing this :)
| ael277 chapter 5 . 6/9/2012
The story was amazing! One of the biggest tear-jerkers I have ever read...I was crying as much as Genma was...
| Adamantyne chapter 5 . 5/4/2012
I like the ending, it was quite good.
Kotetsu has certainly got a big mouth, that was so insensitive of him xD
| Adamantyne chapter 4 . 5/4/2012
It's been a while since I read the previous chapters, so I'm not sure if I've said this before but there are a few grammar mistakes. Maybe read through it again or something; it's nothing big, though :)
I can't seem to figure out whether you let the characters repeat themselves on purpose or not, though I'm leaning towards the first option. I think it stagnates a bit sometimes if you know what I mean. If I were you I probably would've made it shorter or have put some more action in it.
Anyway, now I'm making it sound like I don't like it at all, I do or I wouldn't have continued :D
| Adamantyne chapter 3 . 4/22/2012
Genma certainly notices a lot of things. I actually felt kind of sorry for him at one point.
| Adamantyne chapter 2 . 4/22/2012
You certainly are romantic. Not much my style xD
I was really confused about the relationship between genma, Kakashi and Hayate, but I'm pretty sure I get it now.
You've written the story in a nice, slow pace. I like that :)
| Adamantyne chapter 1 . 4/22/2012
Nice chapter. I'm looking forward to get to know your characters a bit better.
The story looks fairly promising (I just hope you don't make it too emotional xD) and it is very well-written. :)
| Reiia chapter 5 . 1/17/2012
Better late than never, but I loved this so much :D
I often overlook fics with Genma or hayate in them, despite how much I love those 2. Really glad I decided to read this though~
Thanks for such an amazing emotional rollercoaster of a story ;)
| XxIchigoNaruHinaxX chapter 5 . 11/24/2011
aa this is so precious! i love how you write kakashi! although i think some of the dialogue are too long for ADD-ridden population of (maybe you can break it up more) but i love this story! congrats, you managed to get me converted to kashi-haya-gen fandom!