|Reviews for Susan Bones and the Prisoner of Azkaban|
| sohni chapter 17 . 6/22
hate to disappoint you but this story is not good in my opinion. Harry going to azkaban and Amos Diggory claiming his property as reparation is ok. but murdering Hedwig? How do you justify that?
it's way to angsty in my opinion. tragedy is one thing but always bad incidents happening with him and no supporting adults except Amelia Bones! why? I mean why everyone is against him?
now onto, scene breaks and time skips. they just don't make sense!
am not writing this to discourage you and hope you will take this as constructive criticism.
| G the Headmaster chapter 49 . 6/12
This was a great story. I almost read it straight through.
Thanks for writing it!
| G the Headmaster chapter 9 . 6/7
Do all redheads use the bat bogey hex?
| marvinkitfox1 chapter 34 . 5/28
A word of advice to the author:
If you want to make your story an intricate tangle of webs of intrigue, fine.
But STOP with the fuggin scenes where you refuse to give names to anyone, and where there is no context to know who or what they are, even several chapters later.
That is not mystique, it is just rotten writing!
| Jimbocous chapter 47 . 4/28
Thanks for a great (re)read!
| SabrinaMagnus chapter 33 . 4/22
Love this story, tho it has a few more twists and turns than my usual liking. A few things you might want to address.
1: There is some fuzziness with the way you jump ahead in time with the narration sometimes that may have led to the next issue.
2: It seems you've gotten some years mixed up. It looks like they are in 7th year during their 6th year. The 96-97 school yeah, (which seems to be wrapping up now) is Harry's 6th year. But You have him and his friends as 7th years.
3: Even if you meant them to be 6th years but accidentally kept typing out 7th year, the NEWTs don't take place until the end of 7th year, which for Harry would be the 97-98 school year.
4: You had Carrow apparate into Hogwarts. Not Possible. I have no issues with stories where some loophole or super ability makes it possible, but for a Death Eater to just casually apparate into the school like that... Voldemort could just pop in and pop back out with Harry.
5: You had Justin brew Polyjuice Potion in an afternoon. It takes a month to brew that.
As I said, I'm loving this story. It's interesting and offers some unique and fascinating plot ideas. That said, with the above list of errors, combined with the nearly overwhelming number of twists and turns both in the plot and the narration style, make it really difficult to read at times.
I hope that, what I intended as constructive criticism, doesn't discourage you. You have a wonderful imagination and that is something you should nurture. I just wanted you to know that sometimes the story reads like a 3rd draft and might benefit from a little more revision. On the other hand, I hope you'll be glad to know that as I've read through your story so far, I have picked up some tips for how to avoid some overinflated sections of my own writing where I tend to go on needlessly longwinded narration sometimes.
| Bad Wolf chapter 30 . 4/22
Okay, While I love this story for the most part (i wouldn't have killed off Amelia honestly, tho I do hope she's one the the spies working to take the spies down from the inside) there is one thing I'm very confused about that goes back to my other review about time skips.
I will admit it's possible that it's just a mistake, or that I missed or forgot something, but the timeline here isn't making sense. It started out at the end of the triwiz and Harry went to Azkaban. He got out a bit more than halfway into firth yeah. Most of the story since covered the rest of fifth year and summer and into sixth year. A winter wedding, the hunting down of Amelia's murderers... covering to the end of april or start of may... of what is his sixth year... and then all of a sudden... he's a seventh year? and sirius and draco are still hiding in the camber?
All that aside, and despite how convoluted this story is, it's still a great story.
| Bad Wolf chapter 19 . 4/21
First, I won't insult you by saying this story is perfect, but it is very interesting to the point that I'm losing sleep because i can't stop reading it lol. I really do like it for the most part. Little annoyances like a teen pregnancy (i just have seen that in a disturbing number of potter fics i've read) can be considered simply difference of opinion.
I would like to offer one bit of constructive criticism, however. You could use some more transition within scenes sometimes. There have been moments (sorry that i can't give examples b/c I'm currently exhausted) where a time skip happened so suddenly that it was quite jarring and I had to reread those sections two or three times to understand that a time skip happened.
With that said, and excluding the minor issues that happen to all writers like spelling/grammar/sysntax issues, I think it's a great story.
| ClaireR89 chapter 13 . 4/20
This story is a mess
| mekareami chapter 49 . 4/20
Read this once years ago and must stay the images you painted have stuck with me. Bones manor was truely unique. Thanks again for writing :)
| ClaireR89 chapter 8 . 4/20
Kinda all over the place. I think this is just a story for Harry to be a sick. He's pissed at Yonks for a reason out of her control. I'm not sure I even follow the Granger storyline.
The idea is/was good. Just need to work on the story
| DaSalvatore chapter 11 . 4/20
I'm not a huge fan of the scenes where everyone spits on Harry and kills Hedwig prior to chucking him into Azkaban but there are some good stories once that chapter is over with.
Sadly, this story is not one of them. Apart from Amelia, no adult in this story acts with any logic aside from "Must always be against Harry." You've got a tragic hero with no one even looking to do what's right. Dumbledore runs the Wizengamot like his own kingdom and nothing is done about it, Harry's ignored and attacked, your teachers are nothing but petulant children who stick fingers in their ears so they don't hear anything they don't want to.
And all of this could be sold if you gave /reasons/ behind their attitudes. We instead get a main character who has no help, no hope, and a girlfriend who turns on him because of a rumour.
| william488 chapter 49 . 4/10
great story. loved it.
| BillBrink chapter 45 . 3/21
Thank you for sharing this one.
| stylo1 chapter 8 . 2/27
i really dont like this story, you take things to far in the no justice part and then harry shows up at school happy to start the same old dance. besides you skip senteces, it like
when did you come home. yeah work was fine. dinners almost ready. goodnight
yeah you get the jist of it but thats it