Reviews for Unsure
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 9 . 7/14/2011
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 8 . 7/1/2011
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 7 . 7/1/2011
ephemeralspring chapter 6 . 6/30/2011
Awesome chapter! I wonder if Naruto would give up Konoha for Hinata... Update soon!
Rose Tiger chapter 6 . 6/29/2011
Bring Hinata back!
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 6 . 6/29/2011
ephemeralspring chapter 5 . 6/2/2011
Awesome chapter! I winder what's gonna happen to Kiba's feelings, will it be an importation part of the story or not... Anyways, keep up the awesome work and update soon!
Rose Tiger chapter 5 . 5/31/2011
Hinat you idiot! Don't listen to them!
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 5 . 5/31/2011
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 4 . 5/19/2011
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 3 . 5/19/2011
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 2 . 5/19/2011
Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 1 . 5/19/2011
Ark Crk Thorn chapter 1 . 5/19/2011
This is decent.

:a figure was thrown out of a door way. Naruto recognized them -her- to be Hyuga Hinata.: This threw me off because you said them as in plural, when it was just a person. While it is a minor mistake, it tells the reader that the author is being careless.

:He rushed to her and asked (,) "Are you okay? What just happened?": Add a comma before speeches and verbs with 'speak' actions, it is just a more proper form of writing. It will also connect the speech with the sentence more, so the speech does not become a hanging speech.

Most of your grammar is constant which is good.

Your pacing kind of needs work, because it starts jumping after chapter 2. The characterization is decent.

But what I don't like, this is my personal opinion, is that you depict the main character's emotion too easily. For example, :Hinata adverted her gaze and lied: I like the adverted part because it contracts what you what Hinata to be. I hate the lied part because it is boring reading a story where everything is out in the open. For me, personally, it would have worked better if you reinforce the adverted with more description than just saying lied. Like for example, Hinata adverted her gaze, and said in a meek voice...

While yes it would contrast her strong persona, it would make the reader more curious why Hinata would revert back to her old self. It would solidified with what Sakura after her 'lie'. But it's your story.

It has potential.

Another thing, an advice in general. When you finish a chapter, wait a couple of days and read over the chapter again. It would help with the simple mistakes and some agreements in the sentences.
ephemeralspring chapter 4 . 5/19/2011
Awesome chapter! That was sweet! Update soon!
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